So this is the first time I've been this open about how I really feel about my marijuana usage and it's effects on my life. I've been smoking since sophmore year of highschool, it's currently the middle of what would be my junior year if I hadn't graduated early. Prior to using I was getting D's at best for the previous 4-5 years due to a severe depression that actually lead to my using. My first 4-5 months of smoking I did it pretty infrequently since I didn't really have a hook up and whenever I got high one bowl was enough to knock me out for the rest of the day, consequently I was really just abusing until a built up enough of a tolerance to function well while high. That happened after my first summer of smoking while living at a friends house whos parents smoked. After the summer I went on independant study and finished up highschool in like 8 months with weed, after that i convinced my parents to get me my presciption because I had something more valuable than money to them, a straight A's report card and soon after a diploma! But, before they'd let me get my script I had to get clean so I went 6 weeks clean while staying at a different friends house who kept me busy and knew I was trying to quit. So that 6 weeks was actually, suprisingly easy! I exercised a lot and was really productive. After I got my script I of course started using again, although this time primarily with a vaporizer! And in addition, with my free time in between highschool-college (I start this fall studying horticulture which is my passion, which ironically started with weed, and lead to my love of all plants which in turn lead to nearly all the good things in my life but well.. I'll end these parathensis before I start ranting) I started looking a little deeper into life. I've never been one for religion or authority, and especially not religious authority figures, so that's kept me away from pursuing any spiritual beliefs for to long. Once I started achieving things in life I quickly realized that none of these things would truly make me happy otherwise there'd be a lot more truly happy people out there. So I started studying up on buddhism and related beliefs. As some of you may know, Buddhism doesn't promote intoxication, so that lead to a bit of inner conflict. In addition, I feel as though I'm actually being overwhelmed by everything I'm taking in through reading/meditation. So basically i'm just looking for a little advice or some insight, do I continue to use based on the fact that I've had so much success and productivity from using in the past? Or do I fully engage in a Buddhist lifestyle and stop "intoxicating"? I appreciate anyone who takes the time to read and reply to this, honestly.