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Feeling guilty - need some advice...

Discussion in 'Marijuana Consumption Q&A' started by SlurpinOnADerp, Nov 30, 2015.

  1. #1 SlurpinOnADerp, Nov 30, 2015
    So here's my situation. I was a heavy smoker for about 4 years - like two to three times a day for all those years. I quit smoking completely on October 1st of this year because I was feeling like it was consuming my life and that I was spending too much money on it and going nowhere in life. I had also been offered a job at a nice company and though I quit smoking about a week before the test I still ended up failing and the offer was rescinded.



    I was pretty adamant and disciplined about not smoking all this time, and my goal still remains to find a better job before I start smoking again. I still haven't found that job, yet my new concern though is that if I get hired somewhere that randomly tests I may never be able to smoke again. Weed is a big part of my life and something I really enjoyed, but like I said I was beginning to feel that the negatives were outweighing the positives and I needed to stop to be clean and find a better job.



    When I quit smoking I was making $9 an hour at my current job. However a few weeks after I quit I was promoted to a management position and I'm now making $12 so I think of this as a step forward and I would like a reward, however in that same time frame my company provided us with a new policy that says they may randomly drug test, but it's a small, private company in a state with no testing laws or regulations, and half of the employees use drugs and I don't think the company is going to spend the money to send us for testing unless something happens where a test is necessary. It's a sedentary job where I don't have to be alert and there is no danger. I was also not tested when I got the job or when I was promoted. Even if I do smoke, since I haven't for so long it will be out of my system in a few days to a week and a lot of my shifts fall on days where the office wouldn't even be around to test me.



    Now that I've been promoted I'm going to stick with the job until at least February or March before I start looking for a new one so I can beef up my resume a bit. I'm not so concerned about being tested at my current job but it is a possibility though I want to believe it won't happen. Since I haven't smoked in two months I can pee clean and since I won't be getting a pre-employment test for a potential new job for at least three months I don't have to worry about being clean when the time comes around.



    I really just want to smoke once or twice between now and then because I've been missing it so much, but I feel incredibly guilty every time I get the desire to even though I also really want to and I feel like I may erase all the time I've spent being sober though I haven't really noticed any qualitative difference in my mood or lifestyle since I quit. My parents also don't want me to smoke until I'm making more money and so I don't want to let them down but I'm an adult with my own apartment and I support myself financially. I'm just conflicted.



    Is it okay to smoke once or twice between now and February? Should I wait until I have a new job to smoke? What if this new job requires random testing and I have to quit altogether forever? Could this be like a last hoorah type situation? Why do I feel so guilty about something that most people say isn't a big deal and that my chances of being tested are minute now at my current job? Am I just beating myself up and freaking out over nothing or should I hold out, or just completely give the idea of smoking up forever?



    What should I do?
     
  2. #2 wafdof, Nov 30, 2015
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 30, 2015
    I quit for 35 years for the same exact reason you cite. It was taking over my life, I could not afford it and I knew I would be stuck with lesser paying jobs since all I had was 2 1/2 years of college and no degree. It can be done. If a 15 year old (at the time) was able to figure that out on his own and do it then you can too. I quit at 15 not knowing I would never finish college but I knew weed was not in my plan the day I stopped trying for a degree that would not help me and that I could not afford.

    Here it is. If you think you need to quit then quit. Not after one more blow out not after one more time and not because you find a stash. I threw away my weed and everything related to it. I also had to find new Friends which most people won't have the balls to do.

    I went from making close to minimum wage to becoming an air traffic controller by being prepared for the job. I went from barely surviving to being financially able to retire at 50.

    The jumping from job to job? That never looks as good as you dream it does. It doesn't show up as experience it shows up as lack of commitment. I have only had 3 real jobs my entire life and I have been working since I was 13.

    I'm living proof that you can quit all by yourself with some determination. I never told anyone else at the time. I didn't get any help deciding and it was one of the pivotal points in my life that changed it for the good forever. It was also one of the more difficult things I've ever did.

    Good paying stoner jobs are absolutely out there but they are a rare as a diamond in a dog turd and just as difficult and shitty to find.

    Now I smoke daily in retirement. Enough said.
     

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