I don't even really know where to begin with this... I've been thinking a lot lately about life and in searching for answers all i've ended up with are more questions. I just graduated High School and i'm off to college in the Fall and although i'm happy I just have this feeling like im riding a rollercoaster and I have to go where it takes me and I can't get off until the ride is over. I don't know what I want to do with my life and feel as if any meaning has been clouded over by nonsense. My parents want me to get a good job and have a kids and live in a suburban community just like 50 million other people. At first I thought that I definetely didn't want that, but then I thought that maybe the only reason that I don't want that for me is because it's what my parents do want for me. I am the total opposite of my parents and I don't know whether it's because that's truly the way I am or I only am that way for the sole purpose of not being like my parents. And then I think "why should I be just like every other schmuck on the planet, I should just do what I want regardless of what other people think." But then I think that maybe I am deliberatley being different for the sole purpose of not being the same. Do you see my Dilema? How do I actually know what I want and what I am without using anything as a "benchmark"? How can I exist objectively without subjectively being compared to something else?
look over your life, from your first memory to now. the most inportant thing to remember is to not lie at anypoint, to yourself i mean. dont let your ego tell you how you felt, at the time you have known yourself to be doing things differently then your parents. was it either you being you? or was it acting out against your parents. you could be right, it could be you developing a lost grip on what you were actually doing and felt. when it boils down, what you feel is right for yourself, is the right way. because you're the person that talks the most in your mind. and if you dont like how you are, then you will always be un-happy with yourself.
definately teen angst... lol, to become a tool and be unhappy forever or to be yourself and be happy? you say it feels like your riding a roller coster? get off the roller coster !!! you dont have to do go to college, you dont have to get a job, you dont have to do anything you dont want to, just do what you want and have fun and be happy. society has brainwashed you for the last 18 years, im sorry but its true the world is f'd up.. i recomend travel, nature, meditation, love, lsd, music and reading. EDIT: i found this in someones sig and it seems relevant. “When others demand that we become the people they want us to be, they force us to destroy the person we really are. It's a subtle kind of murder. The most loving parents and relatives commit this murder with smiles on their faces.” - Jim Morrison