Ex-girlfriend, what to do?

Discussion in 'Sex, Love & Relationships' started by Wolves, Nov 29, 2011.

  1. tl;dr at bottom...

    So I broke up with my ex in September after almost 2 years on and off. She broke up with me over my lack of trust (she cheated a year ago) but wanted me back a few days later. I said no because being single gave me a chance to figure my life out.

    After a month I realized I didn't want a girlfriend at all. I was content with being alone and only worrying about myself. I met this one girl I started to talk to, but that didn't get far.

    Anyway throughout this period between September and now I haven't lost contact with my ex. I didn't want her or think about her or have any emotion towards her, but I told her anything can happen in the future. Just cause I dont want a relationship now doesn't mean I wont want one later on. I told her I would be there for her, but I needed space.

    After taking some unmentionables Friday (rhymes with brooms) I had a huge shift in thinking. I realized how shitty existence is and how depressing this life were taught to live is, but I was happy. I realized how important it is to be as happy as I can be. I realized that no one in this world makes me as happy as she does. Even though our relationship got rocky, she was still the greatest thing in my life.

    I told her I had figured everything out and I was ready for a relationship. I was ready to start from scratch and make it right. Unfortunately, although she said she loves me more than anything and will always be there for me, she couldn't wait. She met someone new and although they aren't dating, she said if he asks her out, she won't say no, but at the same time, she knows how much she loves me and wants to make it work, she just hates me for making her wait even though I was doing it to protect myself and us. Also the fact she is "picking" me or this guy really makes me question if she truly loves me like she once did.

    The only response I could think of was that I'm willing to wait while she figures out what she does. I'll be heartbroken if she goes out with him, but it's my fault if that happens. My problem is I hate thinking about her all the time. I didn't at all before I had unmentionables, but now I can't stop. I'm not the kinda guy that likes to go to parties and get dome from random chicks. I wanna meet a girl I can call my own. I like all that cheesy shit... but I love sex even more lol it just has to be with a girl I have feelings for for it to feel right. What should I do blades? Should I wait for what I think will be the relationship I dream of, or should I just be single and try to start over.

    tl;dr

    I broke up with my ex months ago, stopped having strong emotions for her so I could figure out what I wanted (not just in a relationship but life in general), took unmentionables, all my emotions for her returned and I want her back, she is talking to another guy and said she doesn't know where this will go. Should I wait for her to decide if she wants me or him or just move on and be single.
     
  2. #2 giraffe, Nov 29, 2011
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 29, 2011
    Move on. Happiness is something you create, not other people. You will meet someone else that you will be just as happy with.
    Just give it time. Clean slates are a blessing in disguise.
    If u got back with her, you Guys will probably just break up again. She is already talking to someone else. So u should do the same

    U should never wait for someone to decide your future. Decide for yourself.
     
  3. move on
     
  4. Wait, but keep your options open.

    This guy may just be a "flash in the pan"- a little flash, but no big bang. She may get tired of him, or she may find he is the love of her life...you just have to wait and see.
     
  5. [quote name='"Storm Crow"']Wait, but keep your options open.

    This guy may just be a "flash in the pan"- a little flash, but no big bang. She may get tired of him, or she may find he is the love of her life...you just have to wait and see.[/quote]

    If she decided to go out with him I'd break it off completely at that moment. There would be no "oh it didn't work, can we see each other?" it's now or never. I know it's wrong to make her wait then not wait myself, but our reasons are different.

    And I want to move on, but I haven't met anyone who comes close to her. Appearance, personality, or connection wise.
     
  6. Just spend time taking care of yourself for now.

    Every passing day will make you not worry about her.
     
  7. ^ this
     
  8. Cheaters will always be cheaters, humans aren't monogamous.

    That said, humans do have self control, she doesn't. It's up to YOU if you want to risk that AGAIN later on.
     
  9. So I waited... and got rejected. I don't know what to do. I tried meditating to clear my mind but she's all I think about.
     
  10. It'll pass, dude. I recently got out of a 4 year marriage (knew the chick, and was best friends with her for 4 years prior to that). It just takes time.
     
  11. Hey, i literally just posted saying i hope its not permanent in that other thread, but im gunna be honest with you after reading this one....

    She cheated, which probably fucked you off in ways i cant imagine, but you got back with her. Now your talking about needing time and shes not even waiting, theres already another guy on the scene before you two have sorted things out.

    If she really did love you she would wait, but instead shes got another guy lined up.

    Its a harsh truth, but how long would you wait for her? Im guessing as long as she needed, and it doesnt seem like she will do the same for you.

    Bare in mind, this is coming from my point of view, as someone who despises cheats, if my girl cheated on me i would not be responsible for my actions, and certainly wouldnt get back with her, but love is fucked up......
     

  12. holy shit man, stay strong, that's rough.. but I'll take your advice.



    Yeah the fact she cheated on me is enough for me to say gtfo, I would never cheat on someone and the fact she cheated on me makes me sick. Also the fact she couldn't wait two months also makes me realize how fucked this is... I'd wait a long time for her, a very long time... Moving on is my only option now.
     
  13. Take your life in your hands and do what you want - it's always best to be able to decide based on having the choice - not waiting for someone to give you the choice...
    I took some advice on how to get back with your ex and found I then had the choice as to whether I wanted to or not..

    A much better position to be in :)
     
  14. Just watch the Jerry Springer's final thought today. The show is actually pretty stupid but his final thoughts are actually pretty insightful, even if it's obvious to the viewer, it's good advice for someone in the situation.
     
  15. Old Crow said it best... don't live in that limbo stage, fuck that. If you are not open to meeting new people then it will be almost impossible not to think of her with that guy. Go out, have fun, and don't feel guilty about it. And who knows, maybe down the road the timing will be right for you guys to give it another chance. I am sort of in a similar situation, but as someone said above you, only you can determine your own happiness. Do not not allow her to have that much control by putting your life on hold while she figures her own out. Also, don't expect this to be concluded in a week/month, accept the uncertainty with her and move on as best you can.
     
  16. Turns out the other dude was an asshole, so she ditched him, but we're not the same people anymore so I'm waiting to see if it works out or not. Right now I'm just taking it day by day and I'll see how it goes.
     
  17. Honestly, it sounds like you broke her heart. And she still loves you. But she's afraid to trust you. And maybe loves you less for what you have done. You stopped talking to her and everything. Maybe she wants you, but is afraid you will hurt her again. So she wants to take a chance with this new guy.. Might be more safe.
    I know that sounds awful.. It's just that's what I would be thinking/doing if it happened to me.
     
  18. Since she will be anticipating your return, maybe then would be a good time to make a move if you're truly interested in giving it another go. Try and do some soul searching while in CR and think about how your life would change once more by re-entering the relationship, and if you're content with the outcome. If trust issues are present, then it might be a good idea to move on and give some one else a try. You may not have found anyone else that tickles your fancy, but trust me time is only progressing and you're going to be subject to change, meeting new people, and new experiences. If waiting is your game, then see what comes of it. If she doesn't want to wait, then there's a slim chance she's being sincere and truthful about the way she feels for you.
     
  19. Don't go back. You broke up for a reason.

    I tried to get back together with an ex that had cheated on me and that shit crashed and burned real quick
     
  20. [quote name='"Technyque"']Since she will be anticipating your return, maybe then would be a good time to make a move if you're truly interested in giving it another go. Try and do some soul searching while in CR and think about how your life would change once more by re-entering the relationship, and if you're content with the outcome. If trust issues are present, then it might be a good idea to move on and give some one else a try. You may not have found anyone else that tickles your fancy, but trust me time is only progressing and you're going to be subject to change, meeting new people, and new experiences. If waiting is your game, then see what comes of it. If she doesn't want to wait, then there's a slim chance she's being sincere and truthful about the way she feels for you.[/quote]

    I think she wants to try this out again, but I'm having second guesses lol. I'm horrible with figuring out how I feel with her, but I'll do as you suggested and use this vacation as a time to relax and see how I feel.
     

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