<TABLE id=HB_Mail_Container height="100%" cellSpacing=0 cellPadding=0 width="100%" border=0 UNSELECTABLE="on"><TBODY><TR height="100%" UNSELECTABLE="on" width="100%"><TD id=HB_Focus_Element vAlign=top width="100%" background="" height=250 UNSELECTABLE="off">I find myself in a state of euphoria I'm unable to describe, care to, or focus on the difference. I have a true desire to identify it and it's source yet afraid if I find it, it shall be gone forever! This my first crack at what I may find my first attempt at real poetry, after all can a poet really define the beginning? This is where I am. and I conclude that i must speak softer now. any more evidence to examine now? THERE IS AN ANSWER! or is there, do i want to judge please offer me your critiques, but gently. I'm fragile beyond your comprehension, possibly IS 666 THE MARK, OR THE ACT IN APPLYING IT which do i wish to know i know, or do i, who is real i wish a judge or juror? because i see a difference, you're more real than i </TD></TR><TR UNSELECTABLE="on" hb_tag="1"><TD style="FONT-SIZE: 1pt" height=1 UNSELECTABLE="on"> </TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE>
SJ, you have something wonderful to offer. I'm not 100% sure that you know this, but I'm the kind of person that wouldn't say that if I didn't appreciate your poem in particular. I think we're alot alike as some of the first poetry I wrote was the first time I smoked weed. I was so happy it worked and my consciousness was altered I went over to get something to write on and started making observations with all my friends meandering around the dorm - I didn't care. Then I got up in front of a bunch of people spur of the moment at a poetry reading thing and just started making shit up and rhyming. I can't believe that people embraced it, but they really did - and that was an expression of euphoria as well that returned the feeling again when I shared it. Don't want to make this about me, but just trying to relate the info to you. On another note, one of my worst students ever, that brought a knife to school and shit - the other day I was filling out paperwork and noticed a 666 together in her ID number. Being athiest, I don't read much into it, but I do believe our consciousness creates "synchronicities" or whatever you want to call them, and we'll notice coincidences to suit the needs of our personal story. On judge and jury, I think we're all both ... but I'd rather be judge for the power trip and jury duty sucks. And you're as real as it gets Joe. I see myself in you as do so many at grasscity - and that's no fucking joke. I sincerely hope you continue your poetry if it feels like a healthy outlet for you. Hope that's gentle enough critique, but honestly I didn't feel the need to censor. And if somebody does bash what you do, it'll probably only make your poetry better in some way after you process it. Having fun visiting with you lately man, cheers!
thx, castaneda. you're a true friend, imo. you don't make shit up to appease me as so many. you're true to yourself in your communications with me and that is one thing I respect the most in another. I'm very happy that you can relate to the words I wrote and am very much interested in how they apply to you. by, "more real than i", I believe I was reffering to the way that the reality around me effects me less than you, or another. at the time actual reality didn't have very much influence over my consciousness, I don't know if that makes a lot of sense or not, but that was my expression of what I was feeling. I don't know if I'll pursue writing poetry or not, but it was nice to try and tap what I was feeling in my innermost being and try to communicate it. ty, peace and love
You've definately got something there, my first thought was Thoreau or Emerson. Keep embracing that mentality, I believe you may find something incredible on the other side.
Joe, I remember one teacher saying he'd live in his own little bubble apart from the rest of the world, and the old man was obviously at peace with himself. Some of my older friends have mellowed out and that's good for me because I'm high strung myself at 34. So when I get some advice at work or whatever, I'll freely admit that I know I'll mellow out over time, like so many I watched. But I have to make a spiritual practice of building that bubble though. Best things for me are stuff like taking our border collie to the dog park later today. The Thoreau and Emerson ideas are most about taking the time to pay attention and appreciate for yourself. Poetry written outdoors is some of my favorite. Just whatever makes you feel good about yourself. Could be totally off with my insights, but that's all I've gots to offer... Lucky for me, having the summer off, I'm about to rebuild my bubble. Won't feel so much like a judge or even a jury at that point. Thanks again SJ, you are a true friend.
WOW!!! I don't know what to say, other than I'm not worthy. TY, you've made my year with such a comparison. alas, I'm a goof in this new found joy of mine, only the names Thoreau, and Emerson are familiar to me, I've not yet been exposed to any of their works, but hey, I'm in the library right now, so I think I'll check something out to take home, thx, again. peace that's a wonderful thing you've given me my friend.
Here's another I spent a few days on before I used some ink on the thought. I tried to add some time and rhyme. I'm very much interested in improving now and so let me have, no need to hold back, give me your sincere criticisms, without sugar. TY Scream for me! All your pain and your fear I'm for real, I'm right here. All your screams and your cries Amuse me with your tries. Beg mercy with your pleas Crackling logs, they're to me. Justice is, what you say Must prevail here today. Your villain? yes, it's true Truth be told, I am you. peace and love all
I prefer this one to the first in terms of tempo and readability. You've got some insight to share - and I know you do even if you're not making poetry of it. But I think you have a knack for this. As long as you're getting something positive out of it and not bored with it, I suggest continuing. Looks like letting it percolate worked.
thx, man. yeah, I agree, taking the time to choose more carefully how I want to communicate my thought and confining it in a way to make it flow almost as music makes it much more effective. your encouragement is a fuel for me my friend. thx also to the other that imo. unjustly compaired my words with the likes of Emmerson and Thoreau. I've picked a collection of each and started with my first exposure to some of the great ones. for no particular reason, I started with Mr. Ralph Waldo Emmerson and am amazed that the words from another 160 years ago could speak to me so clearly and practically. I'm struggling a little with the old king James english, but am slowly picking it up through context. I've not read to much yet, but my favorite so far is, "Woodnotes 1", and, "Woodnotes 2", hope I remembered the titles correctly, lol. peace
Winter The winter wind, she carries An answer to your queries. Will you face her now, so bold, And hear the story she's told, To so many before you? She whispers to the hearty, Whom fear, only they're tardy, And might miss her ancient speech, As all those she could not teach, Her epilogue, tried and true. Final days, to many, yes. Her designer made this test. Keep her company this time, Another year, then is thine. In time, old will yield to new. In your final winter, when You submit to her, and then; Find her haggard and awful? Will you find her beautiful? Of each opinion, a few. Cheerfully, meet her and give. Run to beat her and try live. You had your turn, now she takes, And gives another fair shake. Willfully, accept your due. I've been told of a place to read my work and am anxious to get reactions a new way. I'm still very much interested in sharing here as well and look forward to all your words of critique. ty all, I'm starting to think I've found something in this my new passion as well. Oh, and ty very much, whomever starred my thread, it's much appreciated. peace and love
I like all of them, but i like the last one the best. I hardly have any "education" as you put it when it comes to poetry, but i still know what i like and dont like. And i like all three of your writings very much, specially the last one
I agree. Was in a hurry when I read this the first time, but remember thinking that these get better. It seems like this stuff is evolving for you. The last one had me thinking of some lyrics, "tie yourself to the mast my friend, and the storm will end" from a verve song. tried to find the emerson book and the thoreau book on my shelf, but they went with a bunch of others I sold back to half price books. But found the Night Thoreau Spent in Jail - the most famous act of civil disobedience in American history - "the most widely produced play of our time" Published 1972, the year I was born. looks interesting, I'll have to flip through it. Let us know how the poetry reading goes. Got me thinking about doing something new now - not sure what yet.
My reading goes a little slow, still working in Emmerson, haven't cracked Thoreau yet, but I think I will when I get home, you've intrigued me. I wrote two yesterday, one here I'm almost positive to get rave reviews, lol, I hope, the other more for believers but maybe others may relate. Let me know what ya'll think. Marijuana Smoker Poplars and the oaks, Dancing while we toke. Wind is a giver, Sings with the river. Toking all day long. Flying higher now, To nature, we'll bow. As the river swirlls, Birds chirp with squirrells. Listen to our song. From the heart of land, Sky high, down to sand, Love sings loudly here, Pleasing all our ear. Toking from our bong. All those whom dare not, Share not, in our lot. Of us whom we do, Seek nothing from you. How can this be wrong? War on drugs, you say? Appears not, the way. Kill us, you've named thugs, No harm to the drugs. Let's all get along. This my favorite to date
Peace Nail me to your board, My heart, thrust your sword. From me, you can't take, His Word, you can't shake. Another, He'll send. Another, you'll kill, Yet, thwart not, His will. When then, will you see? Live in harmony. For yourself you fend. Take not, then, from me, Live life, and let be. Fear not, what don't hurt, With death, you do flirt. Your own, must you tend. In time, you will know, This place, we'll all go. Together, you dare, Hand in hand, we'll share. God's own life, He'll lend. So to each, his own Pain, from what's been sown. Conviction, well works, Heals all of our quirks. His path, you can't bend. Hope ya'll enjoy. peace
Here's one I wrote this morning trying to use another format for structure I've learned in another's thread. It required a lot more work. I hope ya'll enjoy. Please leave comments and critiques, ty. We have the power Stand my countrymen. What's happening here? Who says our government has the power? The talk, I hear, brings, to my eye, a tear. This thinking needs changing, this very hour. The politicians work for us, my friends. Responsible and accountable, they. Many are deluded, time now, this ends. They need earn their pay, from us, the right way. Watch them close, their promises must be kept. If irresponsible, fire them, we must. Together stand, divided, we're inept. Collectively, in each other, we trust. They answer to us, on this, they can't pass. Say, "Do your job, or it's out on your ass"! peace
Joe. I like your poetry. I especially liked the one entitled.."marijuana smoker".It truly does bridge the gap between us and them. Those who get it, and those who don't. Even if you don't get it...just leave us alone..we're not out to do any harm. Keep up the good work. Check out some books on writting poetry. This will only make your writting better, and you will have a solid foundation if you want to submit for publication. It needs to follow certain guide lines to be considered for publication. But learn them, because some of it is indeed worthy.
TY, friend, very kind of you to say, and I will. So far, I've just been picking up what I can figure out from the work of others, I will look into some instructional material, thanks again. peace
I've picked up a couple of books on instruction and guidance and so I'll slowly start the work part of this hobby, I'm still really enjoying myself right now, and am in no hurry to turn it into a job, lol. Here's one I wrote yesterday: Keep It Real What do I have, and what am I missing? Today, I have no woman for kissing, But I have friends, they sit down and listen. Tomorrow's real bright, it even glistens. I'm living today, and love what I have, My friends are real cool, always make me laugh. I'll enjoy today, think on tomorrow, For myself, right now, this brings no sorrow. Then will be now, tomorrow will soon come, Of things, I love now, then still, I'll have some. I'll not let all the dreams of my future, Bring down my today, of that, I am sure. Dream on and plan, for what's later to feel, Yet, make the most of today, keep it real. peace and love