Epiphanies

Hello everybody, I have a story to share and things are about to get pretty deep and spiritual for a second, so be prepared, but enjoy.
 
I started smoking to treat "depression". I would light up a bowl of blue dream in my bathroom in my parents house late at night with the shower on and a towel under the door, nervously blowing smoke out of the window. Those first few trips were extreme, I would lay back and smile and feel my bed and listen to Pink Floyd, because I was catching up on all of the happiness that was gone in my life.
 
I had reservations but I learned to accept that marijuana has benefits that out way my fears.
 
A couple months later I ended up in an intensive therapy program, because I was close to being suicidal. I started going to group therapy three times a week and started learning about all of the pain in my life, from lost friendships, to my failing romantic relationship, to the resentment that I harbor for certain religious authorities in my life. All the while I was toking a few times a week to escape and it helped, and helped to build my relationship with my best friend.
 
I got out of the therapy realizing that this "depression" was just because I had a lot of shit in my life that I hadn't processed, I was hurt, and now I am healing.
 
Now when I smoke, I think, and I think hard and often have startling epiphanies about my life. Smoking is no longer an escape as much as it is a learning process for me, a way to dive deeper into my fears and desires. 
 
Last night I rolled a joint, puffed it in my bathroom after my parents went to bed, and watched my all time favorite movie "The Perks of Being a Wallflower". This movie is about a boy with mental illness trying to make and maintain friends in high school, Its about him falling in love as well, and "growing out of" his illness. After the last few smoke sessions I have come to realize that I need to live in the moment and give up control of everything including my emotions and fears. 
 
So watching this movie blew my mind because I saw things that I never did before, I realized that Charlie the main character is just like me. While Sam and Patrick live in the moment Charlie is trying hard to remember it all, and re-tell it (he's the narrator). But the movie ends when he finally reaches the point where he lives in the moment. In this moment he realizes that we aren't just sad stories, that in this moment this is happening and that is all we have. Take a watch and see for yourself. 
 
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8bZdm8asYSk
 
I am going to take a break from the herb for a while ( It basically "deactivates" my anti-depressant), I'm going to start doing yoga to help me to connect with my body and the moment, and I need some friends.
 
I love this herb, I'm not sure if my time with it is over, maybe I'll come back.
Thanks you guys, for helping me along in this process, this forum helped me find myself. 
 
                                                                                                             Sincerely,
                                                                                                                     Graeson