Don't drink and smoke.

Alright so a few nights ago me and one of my roommates decide to do some drinking on a ordinary Friday night. Neither of us felt like going out, and we're huge beer pong vets so we settled for some massive 1v1 beer pong. Each side had 25 cups, with 5 beers per side. We play two games like this in the mean time he's fighting with his girlfriend (who is the pinnacle of what it means to be a complete bitch) via text messages while she's 20 feet away in his bedroom and I'm texting my buddy to go get some bud.

We play two games of beer pong, so I'm technically 10 beers in, and I just get the word to make the visit. I go over to his place, we smoke a blunt and hang out for about an hour because I need to get away from his girlfriend before I went crazy.

-Side Note-
Example of what I mean when I say she's a bitch. One morning I was SUPER hung over from a late night partying with a buddy and I was laying on my couch watching tv in the living room. I own everything in the living room, couches, HDTV, PS3, etc, and I'm nursing my hangover with a cup of joe and some Kat Williams. She walks into the room with out a word, hits the eject button WHILE I'm watching the stand up, and turns around, smiles, then says, "We're going to play Tiger (referring to her and my roommate)." and then proceeds to take out my dvd and put in Tiger Woods.

Moving on, so I take a break from my life and hang out at my friend's place while we smoke, and then I saddle up to head back to my home which I avoid like there's a demonic ghoul hiding in my closet when she's there. She finally goes to bed and we wrap up a 3rd game of pong.

I'm drunk at this point, and with a fresh bag of bud and blunt wraps I take to what I do best. I twisted one up and sparked the start of my relaxing night. We proceed to drink and smoke for the next hour or so, and I finally run out of Miller Lite (we split the case). I switch over to one of my favorite beers that I just happen to have a six pack out on the porch, Avalanche. Delicious beer for those that enjoy flavorful beers. And this is where my night picks up.

I decide to do what I did earlier in the night to open my bottled beer with out using a bottle opener, and pop off the top. There's a key difference in my decision making now though compared to earlier. Earlier I took the edge of the bottle cap, propped it against my desk and hit it with my palm to pop off the top like I've done a thousand times before. This time though, I'm not in my room, and being stoned/drunk and feeling a bit lazy I want the most immediate method to open my beer without even having to go to my desk. I look around the living room since I just came in from the porch (we leave our beer outside on the porch since the snow keeps it "as cold as the rockies") for an edge to pop off the top. Well the door handle on the sliding door looks as good a place as any, so I turn and prop the beer at the regular angle against the door handle that is painted brown and looks like wood. And with one swift motion I pop off the bottle top as well as the rest of the top of the bottle into the metal door handle which then moved it straight into my palm slicing any flesh in its path.

Remember, I'm drunk and high at this point, so on top of an already fairly high pain tolerance, I'm feeling nothing. I look down at my hand which is dripping for some reason thinking I spilled some beer during my heroic bottle opening only to realize it's the same blood that is flowing down my arm and dripping all over the carpet.

Well we're both (my roommate and I) too drunk/high at this point to think about stepping foot in a public place let alone an emergency room, and since it's not really in a critical area I'm the first to say fuck it. I step into my bathroom and instantly become a certified redneck physician and begin bandaging and wrapping my hand with a thick fold of bounty and medical tape. Once the taping is done, I do what any normal human would of done in my shoes, walk over to my desk, break up some chronic, and twist up another.

This is our drunken bandage job to stop the bleeding.


So the next morning I wake up and my hand looks like the above, and I decide it's time for a look through clearer eyes. I undo the bandages and it starts bleeding immediately. Nothing excessive, just obviously not clotted meaning stitches are really the only next option.

They spread it open to flush it out to make sure no glass was still there, and the best description I can give of what the inside of my hand looked like would be if you took a big thing of ground beef and then pulled it apart.


7 stitches and $500 later...


Now you can all say you know someone that sliced the shit out of their hand opening a beer bottle with out a bottle opener by banging it against an edge of some sort. I've done it a thousand times before, and I swear I'll never do it again.

 

LOL I took 45 minutes to write this, and not single response. I guess the jokes on me... anyways, shameless bump I guess in case anyone whose interested missed it being posted at 3 a.m. Otherwise we can all just float on.

 

Obviously you're not one to consult on medical advice then lol. No stitches = longer healing time. There's always someone that will tell you your situation isn't that serious, and yet I was the one with the blood pouring down my arm. I wish I would of taken a picture during that part, but I was too focused on stopping the bleeding. I could of gone with out them, but I'd be worse off in the long run.

@Hansarvin: Yea I have the same issue. I woke up after the Super Bowl with a large cut across my shin I still have no idea how I got. There's a series of other wounds over the years too, missing teeth, broken hand, and now stitches.

 

No way. That's no where NEAR as exciting. I love getting drunk then sparking a blunt. Talk about fucked-up-ville. Don't get me wrong I take full responsibility and fully claim the idiocy of my decision.

Yea it should make a good scar, and don't worry about the story. I tell girls that I was disarming a mugger. Lol actually I think the story is funny myself, so I don't mind others getting a laugh at my stupidity because I'm already laughing.