Ok, so for a little background; I'm a junior in high school (yea, a little young but I know a lot more than most juniors and you wouldn't know I'm young by talking with me) So today two mormon missionaries came to my door and I'm not a dick so I stood out on my porch and talked with them. They asked what I believe and I said I'm agnostic. There went on with some smaller talk and a few questions when I suddenly felt like crying. For no reason I started breaking down and tears were just flowing from me (The last time I cried at all was probably two years ago) They were asking me if I feel like I'm missing something and almost without really trying to say it, I said "Direction. And I don't know if that's supposed to come from a God or what." Keep in mind I'm practically balling this whole time. So one of the guys standing on my porch with me who's probably 20 starts crying as hard as me and is telling me he can tell I'm a good person and that I want to do good things for people. Then he says he can tell I have a lot of feelings in me and that I give him a strong feeling that he's supposed to be talking to me and that I'm special and unlike kids he talks to. Now let me just say that at the time I was high. I'm not a dumbass 12 year old who gets high and acts like he's drunk and is a complete idiot. I'm enlightened by weed and broadened mentally and socially every time I smoke. I've never felt how I did when I had the need to cry in front of those guys. I no longer feel an emptiness in me, but my mind is still troubled with the things that I thing the breakdown was actually about; and that's school and my parents and some pressures that I've been feeling in this last year that are new to me. I don't need a God in my life. But I do think I need direction, especially after the conversation with them. I'm feeling at a bit of a loss right now and I could really use some people that could talk a little about anything they thought of while reading this. Thanks guys.
You have to be 18 to use these forums... That being said if it feels right, then do it. You're different from the kids he normally speaks with because you smoke pot lol. I was raised LDS/Mormon, and I can tell you they're dicks. But I guess it's because I lived with in a town where 90% of the population is LDS. They're sexist too. And anti-homosexual. All the while they claim "We don't judge people, that's Gods decision." If they come back to you tell them what I said. I'd actually love to have a conversation with them myself. I'd have a nice conversation with them, then drop some of these bombs on them. Rock their world a little bit.
For some reason the title of your post really stood out to me, aside from the fact that it was the most recent post in this section before I logged in. If you feel that you need some sort of "direction" in your life, I'd suggest looking to your parents first (if you don't already). Honestly, do not take them for granted--even if the way they carry on with some things is different from whatever is considered "normal". I mean, they managed to conceive you (and possibly others?), house you, and so forth. They succeeded somewhere along the line, and you can learn from that. However, that doesn't mean you are obliged to follow every order or belief that they give or practice--you're an individual who's arriving at another point in life where you need to learn how to create mature decisions and plans that will suit your needs. Keep building a stronger work ethic, and try your best to stay away from procrastination until you've at least finished what needs to be achieved. Grade school truly is the best time to start laying a solid foundation for anything... Providing for yourself, without mom and/or dad, can get quite difficult. Though, we all need assistance at one point or another. You do sound more conscious than many high schoolers (including seniors), but don't let that get to you.. you're not as smart as you think (and neither am I for that matter). Keep your mind open to all knowledge, and don't let that knowledge just sit there--try to apply and connect. Also, remember, this site isn't a self-help discussion board.. I know that because I've used it as such during my residency at GC, until realizing that it was kind of embarrassing and immature when I did. Some blades will most likely poke fun at you for doing so, too. I'm not trying to offend you, just watching out for another "lost" soul. Good luck with whatever you plan on doing. I hope prosperity, success, and respect reach their full potential with you.
OP, just know you're not alone. I'm 23 going on 24 and I still have feelings similar to yours, and I have friends older than me that are much in the same boat too. Even my parents would tell me about their friends kids that supposedly "lack direction" and are in their 20s. It's a confusing world we live in right now with a lot of uncertainty, it's hard to know who and what to believe. Don't use it as an excuse to be lazy and not do anything, but don't panic either. The best thing you can do is work on finding and improving yourself. Don't be afraid to question things around you, try new things, take some risks (not stupid risks like hard drugs), etc. When I started burning it really got me to start having an open mind and seeing the world around me more for what it really is instead of all the bs and propaganda that the media and politics feeds us, and I almost felt like it was like a red pill/blue pill scenario from The Matrix. Ultimately things in the world come and go. All you can really do is work on being the best you that you can be starting from today, and it starts with little things: opening the door for a stranger, offering a compliment to a random person that just might make their day, even just taking care of your body by going out to exercise or eating just a little bit healthier than normal.