Know any filthy, dirty, disgusting jokes? Like something you'd go to hell for if you told a child? POST IT!!! here's mine...it's gross. A man went to Vegas, didn't have anything to do until the next day, and decided to go look for some entertainment. He came across a very sexy hooker so he yelled to her "hey baby, lemme tap that for 20" She responded with "20? For 20 I'll let you lick it" Well the man only had 20$ on him so he thought why not. They went into an alley and he starts going down on her. As he starts to progress he starts to notice peas and carrots and bits of beef and rice in her cooch so he says "Jesus Christ lady, you sick or something?" And she responded with "No...but I think the guy before you might have been" Got anything worse? Post it!
A farmer wanted to have his hens serviced, so he went to the market looking for a rooster. He was hoping he could get a special rooster - one that would service all of his many hens. When he told this to the market vendor, the vendor replied, "I have just the rooster for you. Henry here is the horniest rooster you will ever see!" So the farmer took Henry back to the farm. Before setting him loose in the hen house, though, he gave Henry a little pep talk. "Henry," he said, "I'm counting on you to do your stuff." And without a word, Henry strutted into the henhouse. Henry was as fast as he was furious, mounting each hen like a thunderbolt. There was much squawking and many feathers flying, until Henry had finished having his way with each hen. But Henry didn't stop there. Henry went into the barn and mounted all of the horses, one by one, and still at the same frantic pace. Then he went to the pig house, where he did the same. The farmer, watching all of this with disbelief cried out, "Stop, Henry! You'll kill yourself!" But Henry continued, seeking out each farm animal in the same manner. Well, the next morning, the farmer looked out and saw Henry lying there on his lawn. His legs were up in the air, his eyes rolled back, and his long tongue hanging out. A vulture was already circling above Henry. The farmer walked up to Henry saying, "Oh you poor thing, look what you did, you've gone and killed yourself. I warned you little buddy." "Shhhhhhh," Henry whispered, "the vulture's getting closer."
Went to the pub with my girlfriend last night. Locals were shouting "pedophile!" and other names at me, just because my girlfriend is 21 and I'm 50. It completely spoiled our 10th anniversary. More here, if you like; http://forum.grasscity.com/grasscity-forum-humor/912578-offensive-joke-thread.html
I put this in the "you laugh you lose thread," but it swiftly got pushed a couple pages back by retarded rage comics, so here we go again: A guy walks into a bar and sits down on one of the stools. The bartender walks up and asks him, "What can I get for you tonight?" The man turns to the other patrons and says, "I'm celebrating my first blowjob tonight! Give me 3 shots of your finest whiskey!" The other patrons give him a short round of applause and start asking him questions. After the man drank his 3 shots, one of the patrons offers to buy the man another drink in celebration. The man turns to him and says, "No thank you. If 3 shots won't get the taste out of my mouth, nothing will." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ So a private jet crashes on a remote Pacific island. Only 3 guys survive and after several days of wandering, they stumble upon a village. The leader of the village tells the lost travelers that they are cannibals, and that they will spare any member of their group who can prove their toughness. To prove their toughness, each man is told to fetch 10 of the same fruit from the surrounding forest and shove them up their asses without so much as a single sound. Those who could do it would be spared. The 3 men head out into the woods to see what they can find. So about 10 minutes later, the first guy comes back with a small bushel of grapes. He gets as far as 7 before letting out a small shout. The villagers immediately kill him and throw him into a boiling pot of water. About 10 minutes after that, the second guy comes back with a handful of figs. He manages to cram all 10 in his ass and stands in the village square, waiting for his companion to return from the forest. As he is standing at the gates of Heaven, the first guy is tapped on the shoulder by the second guy and asks him "So you weren't able to hold out either, huh?" The second guy replies, "No, I made it. But then I burst out laughing when our friend came back carrying 10 pineapples."
So there is this middle aged fellow who works at a factory all day and comes home to a horny house wife. He was haveing trouble comming up with new ideas to excite her since their sex life had gotten stale. He goes into work one day and on his lunch break he talks to a well known lady's man that he worked with named "Bubba". He told Bubba about his wife and the problems he was haveing. Bubba looked around and smiled to the guy. Bubba said for the man to go home, and while his wife is in the bathroom getting ready for bed, to take out his cock and bang it against the dresser like a drum. The sound of a cock thumping on the wood would drive the woman crazy. The husband worked a late shift that night and sped home to his eager wife. He walked in the door and noticed she was already in the bathroom getting ready for bed, he quickly takes off his pants and starts beating the dresser with his hard cock. From the bathroom the wife yells "Bubba, is that you?"
Are you Looking for more funny Dirty jokes. Click on the link to get best dirty Jokes A man and a woman started to have sex in the middle of a dark forest. After about 15 minutes of it, the man finally gets up and says, "Damn, I wish I had a flashlight!". The woman says, "Me too, you've been eating grass for the past ten minutes!"
As a policeman I deal with rape victims on a daily basis, Women really seem to trust me when I'm in a police uniform... Sent from my SM-J320VPP using Grasscity Forum mobile app
A woman walks into a tattoo parlor and wants tattoos of her favorite stars - Paul Newman and Elvis Presley tattooed on the inside of her thighs. When the tattoo artist was finished he gave her a mirror and asked her what she thought. She replied in anger "those don't look like either Paul Newman or Elvis Presley and I'm not going to pay you". The tattoo artist suggested that they get a guy off of the street for an unbiased opinion and they both agreed that if he was able to recognize the tattooed images on the inside of her thighs that she would pay him. She spreads her legs and the guy bends down and takes a look, then he says: "I don't recognize the two guys on the sides, but the one in the middle looks just like Willie Nelson".
How did Helen Keller buen her fingers? Reding the waffle ir on. Little Billy asks his mom "What is a pussy?" She shows him a Picture of a cat and says "That is a pussy son" than he asks her "What about a bitch?" She shows him a Picture of a female dog and says "That's a bitch son" not satisfied with her answers he than goes to his father and asks "Daddy what's a pussy?" His dad takes out a hustler, circles a womans pussy and says "That is a pussy son" Billy than asks "Well what is a bitch?" His father réplies "Everything that's not circled"
A man gets Home drunk. horny as he is he goes to bed and climbs over his wife. Later at night he gets up for a drink and sees his wife in the living room. She says" your mother came by but got a little sick so I let her sleep in our bed"
When i was younger i killed a butterfly and my dad said no butter for a week and i thought of a plan. My dad later saw me kill a cockroach. He smiled at me and said “nice try”
went to a mate's wedding and I whispered to a bloke next to me "isn't the bride a right ugly b*stard". "Do you mind? That's my daughter you're talking about" "I'm really sorry, I didn't know you were her father" "I'm not. I'm her mother you cheeky c*nt !!! .
Two leprechauns go to a convent to talk with the Mother Superior. One asks her "We were just wondering. Is there any such thing as a leprechaun nun?". The Mother Superior looks a them and says "What do you mean "leprechaun nun"? He replies "You know. A nun who is also a leprechaun." The Mother Superior answers "No. I'm pretty sure there's no such thing as a leprechaun nun." "Now wait a minute" says the leprechaun. "You say you're 'pretty sure' there are no leprechaun nuns, but we're looking for a definitive answer". "No" says the Mother Superior. "I don't think there's any leprechaun nuns." "Well you still seem to be wavering on this" answers the leprechaun. "You know we can be pretty tricky little things. Is it possible that there could be a nun who's a leprechaun and you just don't know it?" "NO!" shouts the Mother Superior. "THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS A LEPRECHAUN NUN!!!!" With this the one leprechaun turns to the other and says "See. I told you you've been fucking a penguin!"
Dude comes into work completely hung over. His coworker looks at him and says "Man you look like shit" Dude replies "I got so drunk, I came home and blew chunks" Coworker says "So, many people get sick from drinking too much" Dude says "No you dont understand. Chunks is my dog"
This guy who worked in a pickle factory came home one day and ashamedly told his wife that he'd had a secret desire to put his dick in the pickle-slicer. His wife said, "Oh, no honey. Please don't do that." A week went by, and he told his wife again, "I've really been wantin' to put my dick in the pickle slicer." His wife said, "Maybe you need to see a psychiatrist, I think you have a real problem." He agreed. He came home a couple days later, white as a ghost. His wife said, "Oh, honey, you did it, didn't you? You stuck your dick in the pickle-slicer." He said, "I did, and now I'm in trouble." Wife: "What happened?" He said, "Well, they fired me." She said, "No, I mean what happened with the pickle-slicer?" "Oh. Well, they fired her too."