difference in generations

Discussion in 'Grasscity Forum Humor' started by vatoloco, Mar 17, 2002.

  1. A young punk rocker walks into a pub and sits down at the bar. His hair is multi-colored and spiked up. He's got numerous tatooes and piercings.

    As he orders his shot of whiskey he notices an old man sitting next to him. He looks over and the man quikly turns his head.

    The old man continues to stare at the younster as if he had never seen someone like this kid before. The young punk looks over at the old man again. "What?" says the punk. The old man looks down at his beer.

    The old man glares at the kid and the punk turns and catches the old man looking at him again.

    Punk: What's the matter old man? Haven't you done anything wild and crazy in your life?

    Old Man: Well, once I fucked a parrot and I'm wondering if you're my son.
     
  2. Here's a better one:smoke:

    There was this businessman who was getting ready to go on a long
    business trip. He knew his wife was a flirtatious sort, so he
    thought he'd try to get her something to keep her occupied while
    he was gone, because he didn't much like the idea of her
    screwing someone else. So he went to a store that sold sex toys
    and started looking around. He thought about a life-sized sex
    doll, but that was too close to another man for him.

    He was browsing through the dildos, looking for something
    special to please his wife, and started talking to the old man
    behind the counter. He explained his situation. The old man
    said, "Well, I don't really know of anything that will do the
    trick. We have vibrating dildos, special attachments, and so on,
    but I don't know of anything that will keep her occupied for
    weeks, except -- " and he stopped.

    "Except what?" the man asked.

    "Nothing, nothing."

    "C'mon, tell me! I need something!"

    "Well, sir, I don't usually mention this, but there is the
    'voodoo dick.'"

    "So what's up with this voodoo dick?" he asked.

    The old man reached under the counter, and pulled out an old
    wooden box, carved with strange symbols. He opened it, and there
    lay a very ordinary-looking dildo. The businessman laughed, and
    said "Big fucking deal. It looks like every other dildo in this
    shop!"

    The old man replied, "But you haven't seen what it'll do yet."
    He pointed to a door and said "Voodoo dick, the door." The
    voodoo dick rose out of its box, darted over to the door, and
    started screwing the keyhole. The whole door shook with the
    vibrations, and a crack developed down the middle. Before the
    door could split, the old man said "Voodoo dick, get back in
    your box!" The voodoo dick stopped, floated back to the box and
    lay there, quiescent once more.

    "I'll take it!" said the businessman.

    The old man resisted, saying it wasn't for sale, but he finally
    surrendered to $700 in cash. The guy took it home to his wife,
    told her it was a special dildo and that to use it, all she had
    to do was say "Voodoo dick, my pussy." He left for his trip
    satisfied that things would be fine while he was gone.

    After he'd been gone a few days, the wife was unbearably horny.
    She thought of several people who would willingly satisfy her,
    but then she remembered the voodoo dick. She got it out, and
    said "Voodoo dick, my pussy!" The voodoo dick shot to her crotch
    and started pumping. It was great, like nothing she'd ever
    experienced before. After three orgasms, she decided she'd had
    enough, and tried to pull it out, but it was stuck in her, still
    thrusting. She tried and tried to get it out, but nothing
    worked. Her husband had forgot to tell her how to shut it off.
    So she decided to go to the hospital to see if they could help.
    She put her clothes on, got in the car and started to drive to
    the hospital, quivering with every thrust of the dildo. On the
    way, another orgasm nearly made her swerve off the road, and she
    was pulled over by a policeman. He asked for her license, and
    then asked how much she'd had to drink.

    Gasping and twitching, she explained that she hadn't been
    drinking, but that a voodoo dick was stuck in her pussy, and
    wouldn't stop screwing. The officer looked at her for a second,
    and then said "Yea, right. Voodoo dick, my ass!"
     
  3. lmfaooooooo good one
     

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