So I was working on my finals. (which now I am sure I am failing due to windows update restarting my bloody comp, corrupting the file that I was working on when in the process when I was in the shower, FML) I was mentally tired and stressed so I figured hey, maybe I should try to meditate for a short while to try to calm this panicky mood. I am not sure did I have an astral projection or did I fall asleep and this is a weird dream. I did have caffeine earlier so I really don't know if I did fall sleep at all. Basically I felt this slight pull from the top of my head like I often feel when I practice void meditation. This time however it feels like... It pulled furthur out than normal. I can still feel myself in both this other existence as well as my physical body. My eyes were closed, I feel myself wrapped within in this ball of light shooting straight up into this dark space. The ball of light has this yellow/orangish glow around it's white center. I do not see myself per se. I guess I have no real form there. I feel another presence nearby, feels like it is within this sphere of light with me. Not sure what this entity is exactly but it felt like I was with someone I felt safe around even though i cannot see anyone. The sphere kind of stabilized, doesn't feel like it is flying anywhere anymore. The the images began. I have a pretty foggy memory of the images that flashed before me even though I tried to remember. I cried out that I cannot remember all of it there is just too many things being shown at once. The images didn't stop but I kind of figured that if it is important I will remember it. One of the things I heard was "you are just you" I kind of forgot about it for a while as the whole load of images and sounds zip pass. The images ceased. It was just this light floating in nothingness. I suddenly remembered the line that I heard and for some reason even though it was in simple English I can't seem to comprehend it. It just sounds so very alien. So I asked "what is this "you" that you spoke about?" I saw flashes of more imagery. Mostly of women faces this time. All ethnics, even a freaking anime style drawing girl (??????) And I asked again, "If that is me, who are you?" I just saw a flash of a woman laughing and it was gone just as quickly as it appeared. I opened my eyes, puzzled. I see my reality again. Just me sitting before my computer cross legged on my chair. But then I realized I want to experience more of it. I closed my eyes back, it took some time but a much shorter come up than the first time. I was back in that sphere of light almost instantly after I cleared my mind and relaxed. The same presence is still there. I think she wanted to show me something different. I can't control where this light moves to anyway so I figured I'll just roll with it as it zips off again. It slows down, the place look basically the same as the first one, just darkness. This time however the feeling is not so friendly. I see more faces flash past. While none of them look malicious, I could not help it that there is a sense that things are really bad. It feels very very hostile. I don't know if I was told or did I simply think to myself that this is a part of hell. There is no fire, no one torturing whatsoever, it is just the vibe. This dangerous, mysterious and hostile vibe. I kind of panicked and opened my eyes and I am back in reality, mega confused. Did I astral projected? Lucid dream? Or maybe I am just going insane. What do you think happened? I am not on any unmentionables and had not been for quite a long time but I still experience some HPPD sometimes. Those are usually just minor visual distortion though. Ironically when I tried my best to astral project so many times prior to this I get nothing and trying to calm down got me this strange trip "
You really shouldn't concern yourself with labels so much. Meditation is about finding yourself and your relation to existence. No one anywhere ever can really tell you how to do this. Belief in all of these different "categories" of meditation and shit has always really missed the mark for me. It's your brain, no one else's maps are ever going to be relevant. Nothing that you will ever read holds the secret of transcendence. Even if you really could find transcendence simply by reading some nutjob's blog about it.......wouldn't that dramatically cheapen what transcendence means? Isn't the whole point overcoming yourself and your own ego? If someone else could do all the work for you....why would it even be worth doing?
you got a point. It is just strange since I had actually tried all kinds of ways to get an astral projection for years but it never worked. Turns out it just randomly kicked in when I least expected it. I guess I wanted to find a label for it just so I can find a way to repeat it. Almost every time I meditate I was just trying to clear my mind of clutter and calm my raging emotions. Never thought it can get THAT crazy.