Well I dont know if this is to vent or to ask for advice or something. I will spill alot out here so please try and not act like a douche about it. Ok, I am 20, I never graduated High School, I have no GED, Instead I worked for 2 years doing construction. (15-17). I made supervisor and Job Foreman there. Now before I move on, here is a little history. I am the case you hear where the father beat his son from little til 16 when he was arrested. I had the mother that didnt want to face facts of it, and tried disciusing his alcoholic ways. As of 12 years old I was diagnosed with severe depression, Bi Polar and mild Schitso. Back to the story. I moved to WV from Baltimore when I was 17, so I had to quit my great job and leave. There was nothing when I got here so Walmart was my new home, there went another 2 years. 17-19. I was about to make supervisor there 6 months in and a bastard who didnt like me fucked it up. After that I really didnt care for the other year and a half. About this time I quit taking my paxil that I had been on since 12 and used Marijuana as my main subsitute now, rather than just a buzz. I left Walmart after 2 years and started working for a guy in driveway paving making absolutely nothing after the first month. This is about november 2008 now, and I got my license suspended until Jan. From Nov-Jan my depression kicked up really bad, I wanted to kill myself until I read the bible. Things got a little better mentally. Things were so slow that in late Feb I finally got another job. That was the chinese food delivery I talked about. They screwed me over and now I am jobless again. Now I am back in the whole depression shit again, I smoke weed but its hard to comeby, I still have leftover paxil but the side effects suck. I have no money and no insurance to get help, I really have no will to live TBH. Its not one of those feel sorry for me suicide things. This is different, I feel like I have had a really good run. I have seen and done many things that some are jealus of, I have been alot of cool places too. I know things are going to get worse (Money,economy etc), My mom has no job, my lil sis is trying to get into college. I really now just want to give up. If I get my GED like everyone says, it will make no difference, I lie on my apps anyway about it and they never check. People say do the driving thing, but since WV is so fucked up they suspended my license twice for Inspection stickers. Why carry on? Why live life when I already know the answers? All I am going to do is be on the shitty end of the stick, just like always, why face that again? Maybe somebody on here knows a little bit about things and can give me some advice. I really appriciate everyones input in advance. Thank you for reading. -Tom
Depression is a tough one. Knowbody knows how it feels untill you get it. Somehow i managed to over come mine on my own but others struggle such as yourself. I really don't know what to say apart from seek some expert advise. I don't think many people on GC are theropists(alot think they are tho)
I've been struggling with depression ever since my mom passed away when I was 9. Just recently I've given myself a reason to live. Maybe that's what you need to do. For the longest time I felt the same way as you described above. YOU have to give YOURSELF a reason to live. Everyone suffers, it's your job to look at the brighter side of things. It may be tough and take a while. But just changing the way you look at things can help. In all honesty, I think doing shrooms helped me with depression and figuring out what I want out of life and what I need to do to get there. Have you experienced all that you want to in life? Are you ready to die? You may know all the answers, now it's time to get where you want to be in life- and live it. Do what you need to do to get there. Life's too great of a gift to just throw away. Enjoy it. You really should get your GED, though. It WILL make a difference if you continue your education. From there you could file for financial aid and go to a community college. That will definitely help with getting a job. From there you could even be transferred to a university if you do well enough and that's what you want.
You're 20, man. My advice would be to go to an AA meeting or something. Sounds like a weird suggustion, but I grew up my whole life in those support groups, and the steps are built to get you to reach enlightenment for the better. But if you're not open to that, just find someone to talk to. Get everything out in the open so its off your chest. Try writing a list of things you're grateful for. Depression is a rough thing to handle, but that old story about rock bottom couldn't be more true.
Thank you for all the feedback guys and gals. Mad Mike eat shit and die lol jk. Its not really a whine, its more of seeking friendly advice..........yeah that works. My whole family is half crazy, and I cant really talk to them, and where I live, everyone is two faced, so thats out. I posted it here, because depression is something that all of our generation has gone through at one point or another and lets face it, we are all stoners, and for some reason, the only people who help stoners is other stoners, and that maybe somebody who has gotten through it would be able to give me some advice. Earplug, what turned you around on your perspective of life? And Sanctum, thats actually a great Idea for the AA thing, its a free support group basically. I am looking for some kind of support group thing around here now, but again its hicktown so its hard to find. I do feel better after talking to my old friend I ran into today, he is a preacher at a church up here, but he is down to earth and cool. Thank you again for all of your help guys, and I will try the support group Sanctum.
If you want a clean break, you could always move somewhere different man, maybe even a different country. I've found there's something about the "fresh start" of picking up and moving your entire life far away from where you grew up that helps people deal with depression and bad feelings. Another tip, not as drastic, is to stretch and exercise alot, it releases endorphins in your brain, as you may or may not know. Having goals could also help, something to work towards, something that you want to do or accomplish, and just put all your energy into doing just that. Your only 20 bro, your barely an adult, you haven't lived nearly enough to have had a "good run". It sounds cliche, but you could accomplish so much with your life, dont end it before its begun. And this is coming from a man who's younger than you(19) Edit: Realized you decided to go to a support group. Good on ya man, glad your getting some kind of help.
I really couldn't offer you any advice on this subject man. But know that I am here for you and wish you the best of luck. Surround yourself with positive things, things that make you happy, or do things that make others happy. Do anything that can make you feel better and put you in a better place.
Thanks dude. I have thought about starting over, but I dont know where to go, that has jobs. I have a really good friend over in The Netherlands, who said I am welcome to crash for a while, but I dont know how jobs would be. I wouldnt mind heading west, it would be cheaper than a $1500.00 plane ticket, but again with the job thing.
One idea is to travel west and come to San francisco. You could live in hippy hill and deal drugs to support yourself. If you have enough money to rent an apartment and grow weed you can sell to the hippies who will sell it for you. You could even grow magic mushrooms. Any how the hippies in SF all live in golden gate park at a place known as hippy hill. It's a pretty sick place
since you don't have good insurance to cover therapy what i used to overcome depression and anxiety issues (actually i still struggle with anxiety issues but it's gotten better, i used to actually fall over and trip from anxiety attacks that caused me too shake and shiver so violently and i got so stressed out once that i had a massive seizure which stressed me out further) but either way support groups are the cheapest way to get that therapy and once you can afford one on one get that, worth it. my therapy actually inspired me to become a psychologist... it did effing wonders for me psychologically. and it's never too late to try for a degree online in the meantime or try community college (most let you in...) and try to transfer from there. it's hard work... but it's never too late, my moms gonna go back to school herself because she is having trouble getting a job and the recession isn't really helping her cause.
i know you prolly dont want to hear this, but you need a college degree in this day and age.. i would get a job, apartment, whatever, get to where you can support yourself, get your GED, then go for a 2 year degree.
you worked construction, so venture into the great outdoors, find an abandoned patch of land build a dwelling and start growing your own weed/food. It sounds like you need to go on a walkabout.
For real talk to some one good advice take it from a guy who has see a lot of depressed students you'll thank yourself when your sitting fat in your big ass house smoking with your people instead of 6 feet under being worm food
Fuck Paxil bro, I had an easier time coming off of beans laced with H. I ended up bitching at my doctor about it, and he ended up giving me Zoloft. It kind of numbs you in the same way as Paxil, without feeling like shit if you miss a dosage.
depression sucks.. i still have that on top of anxiety, but one thing that helps me a little bit is by viewing life as if it were a video game. might sound stupid, but think about it.. life is pretty much one big game. you're the main character, and everyone else in the world are other people(players) playing their own version of the game. when you die, that's game over. you decide to kill someone, it's game over for them. you can make money the legit way, or you can "cheat" and make money by robbing a bank or scamming someone. of course you can end up in jail by doing stuff like that but it's all part of the game. you can live in a house or you can camp outside and learn how to catch your own food and shit. when you get sick, the game's being a bitch and throwing you a handicap..increasing the difficulty level a bit lol. drugs and sex are like sweet bonuses in the game of life. when you think about what you're doing and just about how life sucks in general, remember to tell yourself it's all just a game..you're ALWAYS in control. i don't know, i just feel like it lightens things up to think about everything like that. i can come up with more examples but i'm sure you get the point. btw, all of this shit came to me like the first few times i smoked. hope some of it helps
You say you know all the answers? Well then, fuck drugs...throw on a chute and jump off a bridge, man....it is time to start blowing your mind in the physical world! Shit...dirtbikes keep me functioning! When you get to the point of suicide, it really doesn't matter what you have to drop in order to fucking maintain your sanity! Do what ever it takes, man...cause if it all goes to shit, mr. 12 gauge will have no problems painting your walls. Now go out there and be somebody!!
You might not believe this, but the story of your life is currently the story of my life as well. Really, if you want to talk more, you can message me. Honestly, I am exactly where you are. I was on Prozac, but now I am using herb as a substitute as well.
This is going to sound lame, but what helped me was helping somebody else. Last night a really good friend of mine called me and said that he was going to commit suicide, he couldnt take life anymore, his GF is being crazy about him seeing his kid. He cant pay his bills no more and he is just falling behind on life. He was talking about OD on some pills he was perscribed. I talked to him for over an hour of how its not the answer, and he always has a backup plan in life. When you think about it, it is true. No matter where you are or who you are, any situation in life has a backup plan. Wheither its running away from your problems for a little while to get more stabble so you can deal with them, or running away to another place where nobody knows your name and you can start over new. I had a dream last night of something that made me so happy. I was driving my fathers big 78 Chevy 4x4, in my old town and talking to all of my old friends. I was just ripping up the road and stopping to talk to them. It made me think that there is happy times in my life. Maybe its time to go back to Baltimore, and see all of my old friends. I really appriciate all of your guys inputs, I consider all of you like family, and if anyone would ever need help, never hesitate to message me ever. Crucifer, I will pm you
http://www.cracked.com/article_15231_7-reasons-21st-century-making-you-miserable.html Try reading this article (all the way through--it's long but awesome). It's not gonna change your life or anything, but I did find it inspiring. Good luck to ya man