A man was wandering around the supermarket calling out, " Crisco, Crisco!" A store clerk approached him and said, "The Crisco is in aisle five." " Thanks, but I'm not looking for Crisco," replied the man. " I'm trying to find my wife. " " Her name is Crisco? " the clerk asked. " Only in public." the man explained. " At home, I call her lardass." BONUS JOKE What differentiates a Kentucky hotel from those in other states? When you call the front desk and say, " I've gotta leak in my sink," the clerk says, " Go ahead."