<embed src="http://www.theonion.com/content/themes/common/assets/videoplayer/flvplayer.swf" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowScriptAccess="always" wmode="transparent" width="400" height="355" flashvars="file=http://www.theonion.com/content/xml/84228/video&autostart=false&image=http://www.theonion.com/content/files/images/COSMO_article.jpg&bufferlength=3&embedded=true&title=%27Cosmopolitan%27%20Institute%20Completes%20Decades-Long%20Study%20On%20How%20To%20Please%20Your%20Man"></embed><br/>'Cosmopolitan' Institute Completes Decades-Long Study On How To Please Your Man