So what made me want to start a topic is this.. tonight i had a girl over at my house to study for our philosophy class. She is my friends ex girlfriend from over a year ago. We knew each other in high school and stuff so its been about 3-4 years since we've known each other. No I'm not interested in her.. just friends/study buddy.. whatever.. Well anyways we just start catching up on things since we haven't talked in months.. and she kinda starts saying how i need to love myself and have confidence. I was kinda startled at first, cause its like she read me like a book. I know I do need to love myself and have confidence.. but it just seems hard.. and i really can't understand why. When she was talking to me about this, i felt the room shift and i became uncomfortable, because i feel as if not many people know about this about me, nor do i feel comfortable when someone can find out so much about me, so fast. I felt embarrassed blades. Cause i don't know how to fix myself, which then leads me to think that i will be alone forever.. cause in all honesty, who wants to love someone who doesn't actually love their self. So here is what I'm asking.. Where do i start to fix myself? Should i talk to her again about this matter? I just didn't want her to pity me or something.. this fucking makes me feel so stupid..
I think she was telling you to touch her boob. On another note. I love philosophy. You should talk about it on the boards here so I can come make off topic posts in your philosophy threads.
Maybe? idk, i don't really see her in that kinda light, but this is the first time we have really hung out in forever.. and were gonna start making this a weekly thing so we'll see how this plays out. and will do, didn't even think of that!
peoplor seem stio like me even thouohg i don't like myself.. i thuio it depoends on how youi carry it and the leve of insecuirtyt,
I would try to talk to her again about it but don't make it sound like a therapy session or something, ya know? Just casually ask her why she felt that way about you, why she noticed it(your lack of confidence), etc.
This. Also, to help make it not therapy like, ask her like, "what did you mean? if you don't think I'm confident i'll reach over there right now and grab your tit to prove it". If she's your ex, and she doesn't hate you, that's a pretty good start. The fact that this one likes you enough still to be around you at all means you're already hold the key to her vagina. No matter what happens, you either get a more articulate version of her opinion on your level of confidence, OR you get to start hitting it again, OR, she runs away and never talks to you again. 2 of those 3 at least should be confidence building. The odds are in your favor here. If she wont let you touch the tit, tell her that's why you're not confident. Get at her female emotions. Let her know that she can implement her feminine instincts by allowing you to violate her in some way.
yeah that's really the last thing i want is someone to give me therapy or have pity on me/feel bad for me... its the reason why i have kept it to myself in the first place.
Not my ex, its one of my closest friend's ex from over a year ago.. so i originally became friends with her because my friend was dating her.. now we just happen to have the same class and decided to study together..
Oh shit. Dude that's fresh pussy. You're in the comfort zone here. She already knows you and doesn't think you're a serial killer, and now she's coming over to study w/ you? Alone? And talking about your confidence and shit? Let her bring that shit up again, then after a minute tell her you gotta go pee, go in the bathroom and get yourself uh, ready.... and just walk out w/ it dangling and pretend like nothing's wrong. When she notices and reacts, just be like, "I wanted to prove I was confident to you". If she does like you that's the quickest way to find out. If she doesn't, then she'll at least know you're confident, and maybe that'll make her like you more. I mean, do you even wanna fuck this girl??
To be honest.. I'm not even sure.. She's attractive, cool, kinda laid back.. but stubborn. My friend already told me once like 3 months ago that if i'd hook up with her our friendship would most likely be over.. i can see where he is coming from with this cause they dated each other all through high school and a little after (off and on for 3 years). But they both moved on now. I still don't wanna be that guy and possible ruin one of the only friendships i have.. One thing is though.. i lose attraction to a girl when i know that one of my friends have slept with her.
Seriously? If you dont have any feelings for her, dont ruin one of your best friendships.... I cant believe that you even have to think about this. That is you bro man. Dont fuck him over....
People are getting the wrong thought from what i originally asked. I stated i was not interested in the OP. I'd rather keep my friendship. I'm asking how to help fix myself. Not get my dick wet.
See.. i ask myself those questions all the time, but, i can never come up with an answer. 'Why don't i love myself?' - I don't know why, i know i should, i just see something wrong with me, when most likely there isn't anything wrong and maybe I'm just being over critical to myself. But what do i see wrong? Sometimes i feel as if i can come off as an asshole or say something that hit someones soft spot when i totally didn't mean it that way. It's just hard to love myself when i haven't seen anyone show love to me more than in a mutual family way. 'Why can't i be happy?' - Who the fuck knows, i feel pathetic for not being able to fully enjoy my life. It feels like a thought process i can't break myself of.. Fuck i need to stop using the word can't.. i feel as if its holding me back.. ugh /rant
Girls have a heightened sense when it comes to reading people, compared to guys. You can tell her your confident or anything else for that matter, and she can most likely see right through it. The way you carry yourself, your body language, and your words are all different ways of communicating. If you say something, you have to be congruent with what you say. First step, work on your inner game. Inner game consists of confidence, what you believe in, and your perspective on life or attitude. "How to become an alpha male" by John Alexander. There is a lot of useful information, and a lot of information that I chose to skip. Either way, its a great read for working on inner game. About talking about this to that girl again, you can if you want, but like someone said, don't make it appear like a therapy session. Keep it short even, otherwise it would appear needy, and insecure. Maybe tease her by flipping it on her, tell her shes the one thats not confident, but at an appropriate time. Make sure she knows your kidding, if you are not capable of doing that, then scratch that advice.
The only way you can improve your confidence is by either improving the things that you see wrong with yourself, or accepting that everyone is different and there's nothing wrong with the way you are. Chances are that the things you're insecure about are things that people don't even notice. Do you feel stupid? Learn! Do you feel unattractive? Work out! There are definitely relations between exercising and feeling confident! Even if you have a nice body without exercising, if you do it releases endorphins and makes you feel great! And about the girl.. if I were you I'd keep her as a friend, that way you have two good friendships and you don't have a big mess to deal with.
I do, i've been doing p90x consistently for 4 weeks now. I do know this. That's probably a big reason why i am single now, but i don't want to fake an image, i wanna learn to be that way. It's just hard to find myself and understand who i am as a person and who i want to be. i guess you could say I'm going through a quarter life crisis? I'll have to get that book. I've also gotten others, like "Confident Conversation" and a book about body language. I've tried doing the appropriate steps to making myself better, but at the end of the day i feel like I'm still back at square one. Thanks for taking the time to post everyone. It's nice to actually get this out in the open rather than bottling all this up for the past year.
Inner Game is as REAL as it gets. When your inner game is tight, you are not faking anything. Think of all of your insecurities as fake. We as humans learn to feel the ways we do. Unfortunately we let all the positive things go, but cling on to all the negative things. Hope this helps. This coming from a person that has a lot to work on himself.