Check out this poem i wrote

Discussion in 'The Artist's Corner' started by Deleted member 281310, Sep 30, 2010.

  1. i wrote this last year for school but i was never able to turn it in... tell me what you think... would i have gotten an A or F???

    Sweat in the eyes, blood in the sand.

    A soldiers body wrapped in blood stained bands.

    Night sky killers drop devastation as they explode.

    Only requiring a single man with a book of codes.

    50-50 scoped and spotted ready on its stand.

    Torn apart families screaming throughout, this is our land.

    Day time murders acur as a ritual of aim, shoot, and reload.

    Think about it, all this over a single druglord.

    Politicians claiming this battle needs to expand.

    Ofcourse, it's not their little boy getting his own number brand.
  2. Its a pretty violent poem, but its got good flow. Would've gotten an A for matching the criteria as a poem. I don't know what the teacher would say about the topic though :D
  3. i write poetry all the time and i gotta say i rly like it. they only thing i think culd be improved is if u moved sum words around so it flowed a little better but otherwise good job :)
  4. A poem is not complete without the title. Unless you title it 'untitled'.

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