Me and this girl have been talking for a long time, we act like boyfriend and girlfriend but never really said we were. One night after a party/bonfire/rager at my house she decides to have sex with me, and me being male oblige her. She was looking beautiful that night and I told her I wanted to be with her, or you know make it official. She says she doesn't quite believe me because I was drunk and shes not certain, though she was completely down with it, once I asked her and I wasn't entirely inebriated, to see if I was serious. Well its 3:50 A.M. and she has to leave me because her father was going to wake up soon back at home and she needs to be there. So she leaves me telling me she wants to hook up again soon. (One thing to keep in mind is I'm 18 and she turns 18 in 3 months so she still is under guardianship of her father) Well problem is when her dad left for work, he never made it. He got into a freak car accident that killed him, this morning. . . I myself am struck with emotion and sadness from this. I want to talk to her so bad! But she won't answer me, no texts, calls, FB messages, nothing.... I know she has more pressing issues to deal with. But I wan't to make sure shes alright and if there was anything I could do to help. She announced the whole thing on facebook, informing all her friends, and that's how I found out. But she won't take the time to even acknowledge my existence. I only called her once, but that is more then enough, I don't want to disturb her on her day of mourning and grieving. But my heart aches both for her and her father. I've decided to let her be a couple days without me getting involved, but I just still don't even know what to do. I lost my father at a young age and can understand her pain, but I just want her to let me back into her life. I feel like I should be included in helping her feel whole again. Unless she feels like she cannot get close to anyone anymore... TLDR: My girl's father died on the morning after the night we first made love. Then she seems to forget I exist or is overcome with grief that she must have cut out the outside world beyond thanking the masses of people on Facebook showing their sympathy for her loss. What do I do....
Patient bro if she y'all obviously have a thing going on and you deeply care for her assuming you have a car well go to her house and check up on her take her out to eat maybe if she doesnt want to go anywhere just chill at her house and "cuddle"
Seconded being patient man. These types of things fuck up people for life, its a fuckton more important than becoming 'official'. Back off entirely, she has a lot on her mind and frankly you're probably very low on the list, don't take it personally. Best thing you can do for her if you truely care is be very much there for her when she comes to you. Also, girls (especially 17 year olds) might get hung up on a sign that something bad happened right after sex with you. If she does that, there is nothing you can do man.
I am not much exprienced with problems which obtains girlfriend but I have some experiences with sad things. Well when someones die pet/human they wont talk about it, and they want to be alone for some time. Well just let her be alone for like 2 weeks, then ask her if she wants to go for walk or something, but dont talk about dad or something which could let her think about her dad, like your family etc.
This happened with my best friend and smoking partner (except both of her parents died, over a year ago...and now they live together). Her dad just died and the last thing she wants to do is be with you right now. Let her be. She doesn't need you right now, she needs her family and all that business. Tell her your there if you need her. Maybe ask her how she's doing every so often (this doesn't mean once a week). And just chill out. Don't try to be there, she'll push you away. Let it be known your there for her but other than that, don't do too much different. Don't try to be her savior. Just, chill out. She's going through what she's going through and needs to deal with it. You doing the "boyfriend" thing will backfire. Just be a normal friend to her.
Yea I understand the whole chill factor. And yea I'm probably not going to attempt a call until later in the week to check up on her. Its just so difficult to go right from probably the greatest night of my life... to this... I don't want really anyone else. And I feel like going to someone else... is just, well I can't do it. I know what shes going through is way worse then my petty troubled heart. The way she said how she felt about me had me fixated on her, and I actually genuinely felt like this was someone I can be close like this for the first time. I'll just have to take a wait and see approach, but yea definitely shouldn't play the part of the boyfriend right now.
This one could take alot of time. That was her dad and I'm assuming they were close because of the way you're speaking about this. I'd say just send her a message saying, "I know this must be hard and I'm not going to try to interrupt your family time, i just want you to know that when you're ready to talk about anything, I'm here." Don't mention her dad specifically because I'm sure this is all very unreal to her still. Just let her know you're around and willing to do anything. Do you know if there is a funeral? IF there is, ask her if she'd mind you paying your respects to a wonderful man. But I'd only do this depending on how well you know her and knew him.
Yea I'll consider going to the funeral, but something tells me in my gut she should just be surrounded by family and closest ones, we've known each other for mostly 2 years and never met her father, but Girlys you think I should consider moving on?... Look for someone new? I think shes going to move in with her Uncle and Im not certain he lives near me...
I would, at least, date. I mean, this could take a while. That was her daddy, ya know? When she's ready she'll get back to you, if, like a previous poster pointed out, she doesn't associate you with this tragedy. Let her know that you definitely would like to be friends, but don't put your life on hold for something that is so unsure. Ya know?
shes gonna need time to get thru it, and youll need to play your cards right in the time being. i would get a card and big bouqet of flowers and just leave it on the porch. dont bother her but let her know your thinking of her.
I disagree with GirlyS's advice. Do not move on and date other girls... At least for a while. My guess is that fairly soon, she's going to need a lot of support in her life, and if you left what the two of y'all have in the middle of her darkest hour, she's never going to trust you again. If you two are as close as it seems, that would be like a knife to the back. If you did that, she wouldn't want to even be your friend. I don't want to sound like a dick, as I usually agree with your advice Girly, but why in the world do you think that's a good idea? This girl is going to need as much support as possible, and it sounds like OP and this girl have something. I know they're only 18, but he can afford to wait for her for a little while. Going immediately to someone else strikes me as very callous and cold. ///M
she will probably call you in one of these next few days. send her a message on faceobok letting her know that you are concerned, and when she is ready she should give you a call.
[quote name='"Ratio"']shes gonna need time to get thru it, and youll need to play your cards right in the time being. i would get a card and big bouqet of flowers and just leave it on the porch. dont bother her but let her know your thinking of her.[/quote] I was gonna say the same thing. Flowers and a handmade card would be thoughtful. Food, fruit, baked goods etc would be nice too.
Even when she's 'made peace' with it, she won't be the same person for a long time. You may be able to help her, since you've known her for 2 years. But I would bet money that she will not want to date for a long time coming. Move on, but still be there for her.
I would send her a small bouquet with the message "With my deepest sympathy- I'll be there for you when you need me" and just wait. Eventually, she will want to talk (and cry) about the situation. Granny