Carlin's Wisdom

George Carlin's 'Brain Droppings' is one damn funny book....here a couple of tidbits that I enjoy:

Good Doggie
When your dog licks a visitor and they say "Oh he's very affectionate" ask them "Did you notice what he was doing prior to coming over and licking your face?" "No. Well yes! I think he was cleaning himself. He's a very clean dog." "Well his balls and asshole are very clean. In fact, he has a perfectly clean five-inch circle around his balls and asshole. His tongue, lips, and nose, however, are filthy with old dog shit and fermented ball sweat. Why do you think we taught him to shake hands?"

Sun of God
I've begun worshipping the sun for a number of reasons. First of all, unlike some other gods I could mention, I can see the sun. It's there for me every day. And the things it brings are quite apparent all the time: heat, light, food, a lovely day. There's no mysyery, no one asks for money, I don't have to dress up, and there's no boringpageantry. And interestingly enough, I have found that the prayers I formerly offerd to "God" are all answered at about the same 50% rate.

Peace, love, and ganja!