BUSH'S ACCEPTANCE SPEECH (FIRST DRAFT)

BUSH'S ACCEPTANCE SPEECH (FIRST DRAFT)

My fellow Americans, it's about fucking time.

All you liberals can just kiss my big, white Texas ass if you think I'm
gonna

spew a boatload of bipartisan bullshit. Let's set the record straight here.

I won, dammit. Hell, I won FOUR OR FIVE TIMES, you stupid bastards. We Got

the Presidency, we got Congress, and by the end of four years we'll have
even

more of the Supreme Court. The Republicans are here, and we're gonna show

you how it's done.

Y'all want me to reach across party lines now? How 'bout I reach across and

bitch-slap all your sorry-liberal-monkey-asses? How'dya like that?

Don't get me wrong, here. The sense of satisfaction I'm feeling right now

isn't that I've won - it's that I won't have to listen to Al Gore bitch and

moan about "letting every vote count".

The only reason this went as far as it did is because you Democrats have a

playground crybaby as your poster-boy, and I for one am glad I won't have to

see him on TV anymore. This might sound snippy, Mr. Gore, but as we used to

say in the sandlot...LOSERS WALK!!!

As I said in my campaign, I promised to be a president who focuses on

education. My first task as President will be to start an educational
program

for all you Florida-idiots who can't tell your elbow from your asshole or
how

to poke a stylus through the right hole.

I don't get you liberal Democrats: when we're talking about Bill Clinton and

some office whore, you say that lack of penetration doesn't count; but when

it comes to ballots, lack of penetration DOES count. You want a solution to

this problem? Take some Viagra, you old farts, and finish what you started

next election.

Until then, I want to ask you just one question: "Who's yer daddy???"

And so I humbly accept the office of President of these United States.

Thank you.