Not everyone can be a goddess or god in bed ALL the time... at some point in your sex life something is bound to go wrong... So, if you're brave enough, share your most embarassing/bad/awkward sex stories. PS) If this has been done, I'm sorry, but I didn't see anything similar... My story spans the course of almost two years... and the fucked up man of my dreams (in terms of looks and general personality attributes) that I've only banged twice... and both times were awful for one reason or another. This is a boy I've had a crush on since I was 9 years old that lives in Louisiana in the town where my aunt/uncle/cousin live... so I visit there enough to have known him that long... in September of '08, he contacted me out of nowhere (I was living in NJ at the time), and we started flirting, and hinting about... *stuff*. I decide to fly down to my aunt's house for Thanksgiving. Fast forward to Thanksgiving break in 2008... We were in his room watching something on Comedy Central, we'd spent the past 4-5 days kissing and getting into all the above-clothes foreplay we possibly could and finally I texted him letting him know that if things continued on that path, I wouldn't be able to control myself... he said the same went for him, I asked why we were holding back... So, Comedy Central, in his room... King size bed... tension in the air... and finally, we just start attacking each other. Things are going pretty great for a few minutes and then all of sudden he stops, rolls over, and I'm left just like He made some excuse about losing excitement for one reason or another... he went to get some water, and I noticed the mess... HIS mess... (aka he came in about... 2 minutes) Oops. He drove me home shortly thereafter... and I texted him that night saying I realised what happened, that it wasn't a big deal, and there are multitudes of ways to recover from stuff like that (I was trying to make him not so embarassed), but he denied knowing what I was talking about. It took him about... 3-4 months after I was already back home to apologize about that night. So... he and I went off and on with our contact for a year and a half or so... I went down to visit the following summer, but we didn't get past heavy petting. So... now brings me to a few weeks ago... Two years later, we're still the same weird thing we've always been... I fly down to visit... things progress more slowly this time... but we both know what's on our mind... After 3 days of making out whilst stoned and enjoying each others' company, we were sitting out in his truck in a field as we had most nights that we smoked. We watched Nightmare Before Christmas on the screen in his dash, and then turned on some tunes and put the front seats down and crawled into the backseat cause his hands had already started travelling at that point... Didn't take long for things to get hot and heavy... I was coming down from a pretty big high, and we spent entirely too long on foreplay... because I was raring to go when things got started, but in all the time we wasted, my body decided to go completely dry. It was like dry-mouth EVERYWHERE. I chewed some gum to get my saliva circulating to use as lube, and as spit will do, it works for a good couple seconds and dries things out even more... So... it went for a few minutes... it was good, and then the friction became a bit much (he's pretty big)... So... this time neither of us got what we wanted. It sucked... but I figure if/when the next time happens, we've cancelled each other out with responsiblity for it sucking, and it'll be earth shattering... We just have bad timing and shitty luck... Your stories?
I'll blame it on the 4 days of foreplay and him probably not doing the wise thing and getting that first load out of the way earlier in the day.... I tried not to hold it against him... especially cause we both knew I was on the pill. His poor ego, though. Hahaha Bad sex does happen... and once you're over it, it makes for funny stories.
Muahahaha. Victim of the foreplay orgasm, he was. Although it shouldn't be funny because it's actually cripplingly awkward and embarrassing for a male to have so little control over his O, I guess it's easier to laugh looking from the outside in. I suppose I'll share one of the last experiences I had in the sack. I was trying to forego that first-round quickie by, as you said: Problem was, the gf texted me and said she was gonna be there earlier than I thought. Picture me rubbing one out and her pulling up to my house as I finish. I'm still cleaning up so to speak, and I barely have time to ditch the kleenex or paper towel or whathaveyou before she's knocking on the door. And lo and behold, GC, she is ready to go in no time at all. At that point, I still had strong feelings for her, and I didn't hesitate to start fooling around. So here is where the awkward comes into play. I've been down on her for 10-15 minutes, she's ready to get going for real. She unbuckles my pants and I'm thinking "uh-oh," and the moment of truth arrives. She slides my pants down to reveal my bright blue boxers, now completely navy blue/black in one huge spot near my crotch. She stopped what she was doing and looked at me incredulously, just said something along the lines of "wow, baby." I was quite embarrassed because I thought she thought I had come from that foreplay, but after a second she just said she felt really proud that I thought she was that sexy. Meaning she thought I just had a shitload of precum or something. I have no idea how that day ended and I don't really care now, although I believe nothing happened as a result. During that moment, when my boxers were soaked and she had that jaw-dropping stare, I felt like a complete noob. I was more than happy to play it off and just say yeah, you ARE that sexy, even though the sheer amount of soakage couldn't be explained by that alone. Ha. Better luck next time.
mosquitos cockblocked me [ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HVa63BI7lTw]YouTube - Family Guy - Exclusive Interview on Big Foot[/ame]
Not only is this an awkward sex story, its also the story of how i lost my virginity... Anyway it started of as regualre night I got invited to a party, went to said party. Met a girl at the party, one thing led to another and BAM! were alone in a tent on a blow up bed. This is were shit gets, well i thought it was funny, others might think its embarassing but w.e. First off I thoutb it would be polite to warn this girl that I was a virgine. so i stoped kissing her looked her straight in the eyes. and said. verbatim: "uhm, straight up, im a virgine...." My friend who is a fellow GC memeber was legit right out side the tent and he heard what I said, so naturally he busted out laughing. At this point I thought it was over for me but it wasent and shit kept going. So I get to the point were im on top in her condom on pounding that shit. I get tired so she gets on top. almost immediately I get soft. Like for real WE tried everyhting she sucked that shit, jacked me off, I even jacked my self off to get up. Nothing. So we get dressed and go back to the party. Ive already posted this story before btw . Heres the link to the thread. http://forum.grasscity.com/sex-love...lost-my-virginity-last-night.html#post8098664
One time I was about to lie down, acting cool Slammed the back of my skull on the headboard We just laughed though
That's awesome that she didn't seem to mind, though. I love when awkward sex moments can just be laughed about and you move on I've got more stories... deciding which ones are worth sharing. Haha
Ok, this is one is my best friend's story, but it makes all of my awkward sex stories seem... not so bad. My best friend is a gay male... he was hanging out with this kid he hooks up with, and they ate a lot of White Castle that evening. Later, I guess my friend headed down, and it was going good. All of a sudden, the guy he's with thrust his hips really hard just messing around... Apparently, it triggered his gag reflex enough and my friend threw up on him a little bit. Not like drinking-too-much throw up that never ends, but enough to be like "Dude, you threw up on me..." It's gross, but when he told me I was laughing so hard I was crying...
My story's kinda weird. It was the first time me and my ex had sex with each other, which can be pretty awkward anyway but to make things worse it was in the back of his car. So we were doing the business and I was like...something just doesn't feel right down there. I tried changing the position of my hips but there was still a really strange feeling. I tell him to pull out and he says 'what the hell' and pulls the drawstring from my hoody out of my vagina. AWKWARD.
Apparently that's about 6 hours from me... I still don't know where everything is. I just moved here. I'm in Stafford County. Tempe, eh? You're where my favorite band now lives... they originated in Mesa, and are now in Tempe...
No idea where that is. I don't know the counties really, just the cities. Who would that be? I'm trying to get into the local music scene out here. I know of a few venues and clubs I keep reading about, and there are a couple shows I'm looking at catching in the next couple months. Maybe I've heard of them.
I had an ex get a little too enthusastic in his thrusting and slammed his dinger into my b-hole. I thought he'd done it on purpose; it hurt like hell; I sprang up, elbowed him in the face, and went flying into the bathroom where I cried for a bit. It was reeeeeally special. There was also the time that I got dressed up to fulfill another ex's naughty schoolgirl fantasy. I don't know if it was the whiskey or what, but he couldn't keep it up and it was horribly deflating after I'd been looking forward to my little surprise all damn day. And then, recently, when a guy I was seeing failed to get me off and made it clear he wouldn't be uhh, assisting me to the finish line after he'd came... I was laying in his bed and touching myself to kind of let him know that I was still in the mood and could use a little help, and he just gave me this suuuuuper wierd look and said, "Are you just gonna lay there and do that?" The way he said it made me feel soooo awkward, since every guy I've been with besides him was a big fan of that particular sight and never had problems finishing me off with oral or something. Hell, I'll even do it myself if you'll grab a bewb and tell me something dirty. Jerk.
They're pretty big... not huge, but not small either. Jimmy Eat World. I've loved them since I was in 6th grade.
That last one really sucks. Luckily, every guy I've been with hasn't had that issue... I don't think it'd work if I was with someone like that. I enjoy sex as much or more than anyone, and if I'm left with the female equivalent of blue balls, and there's no one but myself to fix it, I may as well be by myself. :shrug:
I'm trying to think of more stories about myself and not my friends... but I've got a lot of ammo against my friends if I ever wanted to use it... Hahaha I nearly had jizz come out of my nose once... He came and it shot out in two waves... the first one was fine, I wasn't expecting more, and then all of a sudden there was a second wave... I decided choking and coughing for a long period of time was better than the burning and embarassment of jizz coming out of my nose. >.<