Back to Square One

Discussion in 'Sex, Love & Relationships' started by pillowsackhoppe, Feb 23, 2009.

  1. Leave it to the City to be the one place where I can openly discuss this :smoking:

    Anyways, (this already sounds terribly generic) my ex and I broke up around half a year ago, we both went to school, etc. It was mutual, but admittedly I had the most trouble dealing with the separation, while she's constantly happy-go-lucky and was fine. Well this time around I seriously didn't want to wreck things and burn bridges like I have in the past, considering that this had been the first relationship I'd had where I felt like we connected an a far more mature and profound level. We had gone out for around a year, so I suppose this wasn't the longest of relationships, but as the first one of it's type, I was extremely reluctant to let it go (in my head at least) until pretty recently. And I guess at the same time I unrealistically daydreamed that she'd be the one to call me and tell me she missed me, but it never really happened after two weeks out of the relationship. But she was, in ways that only a guy could appreciate, a bro, and a more amazing girlfriend for it.

    So anyways, fast forward to today. I've finally let it go, gotten over it, at least as much as I could without a replacement of sorts. To be completely honest since I've gotten to school I've gotten absolutely no action, somewhat of a result of first semester pressures, lethargy coming out of a relationship, and the fact that few girls that aren't playing the game in bars looking for hook-ups (not my thing, unfortunately that's NYC student culture..). So anyways, I've pretty much learned to be satisfied, somewhat filling that gap in my life with excessive bro-ing out (also joined a fraternity last semester), which really hasn't been terrible, it's actually been plenty of fun.

    So after much deliberation, the reason for this thread is that my ex in an email we were exchanging, referred to the new guy she was with while describing being abruptly woken up while sleeping with him. It was kind of subtle, and I may have been late to catch on, but for some reason it really just crushed me in a way. After a weekend of solid failure in the female department again, I just didn't want to deal with this, but it's life. I'm tired and it's Monday, so things definitely aren't great right now. And although I'm tempted to smoke, I feel like at least until I get everything done today, that's a slippery slope, at least knowing myself. So what should my action plan be? It's funny how everything could finally feel right again, when I fail the final test of putting this relationship away. I don't want to do anything drastic, I feel like I'm better than that, and it's not worth it to screw things up for myself on behalf of her. But I'm currently looking for a way out of this situation. I've always had problems approaching women, and as result my progress has effectively come to a standstill, I've sort of accepted it as my fate, however untrue I know it is. I consider myself at least average looking, possibly a little above average, and I take good care of my looks. But my current feelings are that I just can't identify with women on the same level as I did with her, and I guess it has been true so far. We became nearly best friends so quickly that everybody else pales in comparison. I meet women, introduce myself, and nothing happens, because it "doesn't remind me of before." In some ways I'm looking for a direct replacement, but that's realistically not going to happen in a world where everyone is different. So any advice blades? I don't even know what questions to ask, but any advice you guys could throw me is greatly appreciated.
  2. One of my favorite artists Brian Kahanek

    You're on the outside looking in
    But won't let the inside out
    It's the battle fought within
    And you konw it's sink or swim
    But you're smiling on the outside
    But you're crying on the inside

    You're a rose without a stem
    Broken and beautiful in the wind
    It will take you from within
    And lead you home as one again
    But you're laughing on the outside
    But you're dying on the inside

    Just let it go
    Cause you've gotta try and find
    The truth you feel inside
    Will be your guiding light
    If you just let it go

    Just let it go
    Cause you've gotta try and find
    The truth that's in your eyes
    Has been my guiding light
    If you just let it go
    If you just let me go

    Basically, you gotta move on. It's gonna hurt, it's what relationships are all about. The sad irony of a relationship is that by opening yourself up for a deeper connection, you are setting yourself up for more pain. Yeah it hurts, it's not supposed to just come and go. For her, she's accepted it. Maybe it's more difficult for you to move on but you have to try.

    What I would do is write on a piece of paper "I can move on, this is not the end, I am strong" and tape it to your mirror so when you get up every morning you can look at it and be reminded. Pledge yourself to meet one new person each day, no matter how weird or whatever.

    As for smoking, finish this day and then smoke. It's always better to relax after a hard day than to have to do shit while baked as fuck.

    Good luck.
  3. Hey man don't give up. Their is always gonna be one out there that was better then the last period. Just keep trying and who knows you might find another girl that u connect even better with then ur last one.

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