So I've been feeling some real emptiness lately. As most of you know me and my ex broke up a little over 3 weeks ago and like I miss her but I think I miss just having someone around. Idk it confusing. But in my head Im like "shes over you, shes out with other guys, she doesnt miss you" which I know is a lie because a week after we broke up she called me terribly upset about the break up saying how she cries every night before bed and wakes up feeling this terrible empitness inside. I was like why did we break up and she said I cant handle that you are a heroin addict. She also said something along the lines of maybe we'll be together in the future. First off dont put those ideas in to my head its either over or its not. Secondly no we wont be together in the future because you cant accept me now you sure as fuck dont deserve me when Ive been clean for a good amount of time and look good from all the hard work i put in at the gym and just overall feel good about myself. You get one Andrew and whichever one it is, is the one you get. You dont just leave when Im struggling and then get to come back when Im not. Anyway thats that. The other part of my emptiness is that I dont have friends anymore. 7 days a week my schedule is wake up, gym, NA meeting, work, sleep. Its getting boring. I dont have friends to hang with to take my mind off my ex, I dont have friends with to take my mind off the mundane shit ive been doing day in and day out. Im getting real depressed about it. Im a people person and thrive off human interaction. And for the past 55 days the only real interaction I get is at an NA meeting. My sponsor always tells me to make friends there but make friends with some clean time. Im like well thats a nice idea but Im the youngest mother fucker in these rooms. I cant go out and pick up girls with 40 yr old man. It would be wierd and all the guys that are my age have just as much clean time as me and are in halfway houses so they are on all these restrictions. Idk where Im going with this I just wanted to get it out cause lately its been festering inseide of me and makeing me want to go out and get some heroin but I realize that wont solve anything but atleast if I used again I could go hang out with my old crew. Idk. /rant
Why dont you go to clubs?,start talking to people,get some bitches,smoke with some stoners,cmon man its not the end of the world,im sure if you look for some fun youll find it just hang on and never stop trying. EDIT: I forgot to say, Fuck that bitch. She doesnt deserve you.
That usually happens when you get so use to having somebody there all the time. I use to live with one of my girlfriends and when she moved out I felt like shit every night. I don't think it's necessarily the emotions you feel it's just being out of the normal, just something you aren't use to yet. You have a lot of shit going on in your life right now so it's only natural some of your feelings will come out a lot stronger. As for making friends, I really don't have any advice because I don't have to many myself. Just go out and have some fun, you will meet some people. It's just like getting a girlfriend, a lot of the times you don't know how it really happens, it just does. Good luck with everything, just keep your head up and you'll do alright.
Well see thats the thing I dont drink or even smoke anymore. Sometimes I wonder why I still come on this site but I like it here and like to hear everyones stories. I know I will find friends and will get another girl and this that and the other but Im a fucking drug addict and want instant gratification. In active addiction I got it with drugs. Now that Im not on drugs I gotta deal like "normal" people but like I said I wanted it yesterday I dont want to wait. As for the ex. I know she doesnt deserve me. Thats why we arent together. I mean sure I fucked the relationship up by using but she just couldnt accept who I was. I was 33 days clean when we broke up so it wasnt like I was in active addiction anymore. Idk like I said its depressing. Its not really a huge deal but to me its depressing.
I'm sorry about this but I'm glad you agree with the fact that she doesn't deserve you. Yes you were an addict...but unlike a lot of heroin addicts you are actually fighting for your life and sobriety and are doing something about it. This is a time of need and if she indeed cared about you she would have stayed with you and supported you throughout the way, at least I would have. You don't have any friends (who don't use) to hang out with? Old buddies or something? I'm sure there are at least some...catch up with old friends and shit. You are a level headed chill guy I don't see why you wouldn't be able to make some new friends. I didn't know you quit pot...forever or just for now? Anyways I'm really proud of you! 55 days already! I can't believe it. That is amazing I'm so happy for you.
Well for one I get drug tested regulary to stay in my house. Mostly for opiates but my parents would rather me not smoke weed either. 2. And most of you will disagree with me but marijuana is a gateway drug for me. Im an addict and once I smoke ore drink Mr. Jekel comes out and I want coke, oxy, or dope. I know alot of you disagree with it I dont neccesarily believe marijuana is a gateway drug but for me it is. And last one NA practices abstinence from all mind and mood altering drugs. Ive never tried it that way before so Im trying it now. I dont really care that I dont smoke anymore and alot of you might find it wierd that I come onto a drug forum but I like it here and alot there are still alot of thread that arent about drugs ya kno. I know I will meet people its just hard. I havent had to find new friends since I went into HS yrs ago.
I see man,well the only thing i can say is never give up,if your controling h addiciton,you can go through anything.
I love you As for friends who dont use. No I dont, I started using drugs at 13 with the kids I grew up with and we all hung around and ended up using oxy together and then I used heroin behind there backs. I got clean tho and they all still want to use. About the girl. I miss her in that she did care about me and when she called me after we broke up one of the first things she asked was are you still being good. But I think it was lack of maturity on her part and lack of understanding of my disease. She thought it was more of a moral deficiency. Like you chose to use so why cant you just stop. Which essentially I did. I was dope sick in my bed for almost 2 weeks. However idk if I miss her. Or I just miss her company. Im a romantic. Im in love with the idea of love. I love doing sweet things for my g/f's, romantic things. I dont have that anymore. There is no special someone to do that with. And to me its sad. Also she was my first serious g/f, lost my virginity to her and she lost hers to me so you know how hard it is to lose your first. As for the weed. Idk I take the days one day at a time. I cant predict the future but I wont be smoking today. Also thanks for the congrats. People ask me how I kicked dope and I tell them on my own. They say Im crazy for not going to rehab but I just didnt want to use anymore and being dope sick was something I was gonna have to go thru.
I'm sure you miss the social interaction more than just missing her. Like I'm sure you do miss her, but like you said it's mainly that you always had someone around. I understand what you mean that everyone you know is a user of something or other. I really don't know anyone around my age that isn't on something, if they don't do drugs then they drink like a fish. That's cool that you still come on here. I actually come on GC more when I'm not smoking than when I am. When I'm smoking I'm cool with just sitting around watching cartoons or something, lol. But when I'm sober I'm bored out of my mind and need people to talk to. This is the most social interaction I get anymore.
Thats what Im saying. I obviously miss her because we had a strong connection but at the end of the day I realize I dont want her back, but I still miss having someone to be with. She didnt use drugs so it was always someone to do something with that didnt involve smoking weed, drinking, or snorting oxy. Idk Im gonna make friends tho and I know Im gonna find a girl that will love me for all my faults but that is only truley possible if I stay clean and become the best man I can possibly be.