Aight then.

Well, I'm gonna try to put up another thread. I've tried this several times before but for some reason when I backspace several times, (for mispeelled wurds!) it throws back out to the forums page! When I go back, my thread is gone. I find this frustrating. IndianaToker! I pm'ed you about this but you've never answered. Are we not talking? Was it something I said? Was it everything I said? Maybe I'm just too stoned to be doing anything but the most elementary of tasks such as breathing and blinking.

So last Tuesday I'm on my way home from work. Buzzing down the main avenue out of town with all the other lemmings doing the same. I see in my rearview mirror those red flashing lights of doom working their way thru traffic. So I slow down and get to the right. Bigger than shit, he whips in behind me in a gutsy move across two lanes of traffic. I pull into a side street and stop. The cop gets out, probably 20 years younger than me, and does his best cop/authoritarian/I'm gonna ruin your day walk up to my truck. Asks for all the documentation you have to have to operate a motor vehicle in this state. Then he asks me why I think he pulled me over. "I have no idea whatsoever Officer Punk-With-A-Badge-That-You-Wear-To-Make-Up-For-The-Fact-That-You-Always-Got-Beat-Up-In-School", I replied. (Except for the Officer Punk part ) "It's because your tail light lens is broken", said the agent of public safety. Now, this tail light lens in question has been broken for awhile. I did'nt realize a tree was as close as it was was one night about 5 years ago. It's an old truck so I don't spend a lot of $$$ on cosmetic things for it anymore. The old red tape fix is what it gets. He took all my papers and went back to his car to run me and see if I was a serial killer, pedophile, drug kingpin, or old Osama Bin Laden himself. While he's doing this I get out to go back and look at my taillight. He gets on his loudspeaker and blares to the whole neighborhood, "SIR!!! KEEP YOUR HANDS WHERE I CAN SEE THEM AND RETURN TO YOUR VEHICLE!!!" Well, this certainly upped the spectator count for my little encounter with the law as people started coming out of their houses to see what kind of drama was unfolding on their quiet street. I did as I was told as I did'nt seem to grasp the severity of my crime of having a broken tail light. Must take stuff like that very seriously around here. So I'm sitting there being glad I'm not carrying anything illegal, and he's in his car talking on the radio for what seems to be an awfully long time. I know I have no warrants. Other than an affinity for weed, I'm mostly a law abing citizen. Finally, he gets out of his car and starts back for the truck walking very fast. I'm thinking "Oh shit!". He walks up, basically throws my papers back at me and says he has to go. Walks in the same fast way back to his car and leaves. "Thank you lord for that little mindfuck after a long day" I thought as the neighborhood returned to their homes comforted by the fact that Osama had not been apprehended on their quiet street.

The following Friday, I had a friend who's having a bit of crisis, as it seems everyone I know is these days. So I go over to his house to smoke, talk, mediate, and cajole. We get pretty toasty and it's getting around midnight so I'm headed back home. Not much traffic as I'm cruising down the same road outta town. As I'm turning off the main road I see those same red lights fast approaching. I slow down and bigger than shit again they turn behind me again. It's Officer Punk again! I had looked the previous Tuesday and my red tape had come off my tail light. So I re-taped it most extravagantly. We go thru the same conversation again, only this time he tells me that my tape "Is'nt red enough". The rebel in me was ready to tell Officer Punk how he needed to find some real police work to do and leave me the fuck alone, but the dugout in my pocket reminded me to keep my piehole shut. He said I needed to buy a new lens. I was getting ready to tell him that the only place I could find one was at the dealership and I was'nt going to pay $125 for something that was just the right shade of red to suit him. Fortunately, something crackled over his radio and he said he had to go again. Apparently Osama had been sighted again.

A little time with some red Krylon and some custom bending of some plastic and I now posess a one of kind tail light lens that after many spectrometer test is the right shade of red.

HEY! I got a whole thread written and did'nt get kicked back!

Maybe I was just stoned and pushing the wrong buttons.

Never mind Indy.

 

It's my fingers! They are constantly in revolt! They flip the bird at my boss whenever he's not looking!