Heard these two today; Man1: Hey, happy hour after work? What doya say? Man2: I say sharon is gonna have another black eye to explain to the neighbors again. (that ones bad, lol) Heres the long one: A man walks into a bank to open up an account, one of the floor tellers quickly comes over and asks the man "how can i help you today sir? Man replies "Yea i wan to open a fucking bank account" Bank worker says "Sir, there is no need to use that type of language" Man says "All i want to do is open up a fucking bank account!" Bank worker says "I would be glad to help you sir, but again, there is not need for that type of profanity" Man says "I JUST WANT TO OPEN UP A FUCKING ACCOUNT THAT I CAN USE TODAY OK?" At this point, the bank manager Hears and Sees the problem, and quicky comes over to the two to straighten things out. The bank manager trying to calm the situation asks "Excuse me sir, how much money do you want to depost into your new account?" The man says "I would like to fucking deposit $950,000" To which the bank manager replies "And this fucking bitch wouldnt help you?"