2nd chapter of MY 1st book

This is the second chapter of my first book. I haven't written the first chapter. The book is called "Jared Fogel and the Chocolate Covered Face"


Stumpy

Stumpy sat in the fancy restaurant, twiddling his thumbs nervously…well, twiddling his thumb nervously. You see, this was Stumpy's first date since he lost his right hand in a tragic hand accident nearly a year before.
“Play it cool, Stumpy, maybe she won't notice,” he thought to himself. He began to regret hyping himself up in his Match.com profile as he thought back on his many embellishments. “Single, sexy, sailboat racer seeks woman of his dreams. Athletic, non-smoker, two hands. Could this be the man for YOU?” Stumpy knew his date would be here any minute and he started to think that he wasn't yet ready for the company of a woman. He almost stood up to leave, when just then, a stunningly beautiful woman across the room caught his eye.
“Oh my god, it's her...black hair…7 feet tall…brown dress…oh what am I going to do?” His remaining hand was visibly shaking, while his stump was tucked neatly inside his jacket pocket. His eyes locked with the ravishing woman. “Shit, she saw me.”
“Anthony? Anthony? Is that you?” the woman called from across the room.
“E-Elizabeth! Yes, come sit down!” he replied, obviously somewhat shaken. Elizabeth smiled as she sauntered over to the table for two, and with each step Stumpy wished more and more that he could just disappear.
“Anthony! It's so nice to finally meet you!” As she said this, Stumpy couldn't help but think that she had the voice of an angel. His anxiety continued to rise.
“Please have a seat! A-and call me Stumpy…l-lord knows everybody else does!” he sputtered out as cheerily as he could.
“Oh, you're so silly! Stumpy it is, then.” giggled Elizabeth. “So Stumpy, how'd you get that little nickname?”
“Ohhhh, it's a long story,” said Stumpy as he looked around nervously, “But let's not talk about me…let's talk about food. Would you like some bread?”
“I would love some bread. I really love bread…a lot. I mean it!” Stumpy's heart fluttered. He loved bread too! He enjoyed bread nearly to the point of being sexually attracted to it.
“Righty-o! Monsieur, some bread for the lady!” he asked of a nearby waiter as he waved his existent hand with an elegant swoosh, “And some champagne, too, if you please.” Stumpy began to feel much more confident about his date with Elizabeth, and Elizabeth began to become much more aware of the fact that Stumpy hadn't yet removed his right arm from his pocket.
“So, Stumpy, tell me something about yourself!” inquired Elizabeth warmly.
“Oh, nothing much to say, really. I guess I'm just your average twenty-something guy!” lied Stumpy, being ever-careful not to drop the “h-word” as he spoke. “I'm not a robot!”
“Tee-hee! Oh, you're so silly, Stumpy!” giggled Elizabeth. “Hey, do you like movies?”
“Well…I like a movie. Independence Day. I really can't stand anything else…it's just a thing, I guess.”
“Oooh, I love Independence Day! Will Smith is such a hunk! So is Bill Pullman!” bubbled Elizabeth with a full-body shiver. “But don't you like any other movies at all? I mean there's so much great stuff out there…what about Bowfinger...or Hope Floats, or Erin Brockovich, or Bicentennial Man, or Wild Wild West, or Ever After…and you can't tell me you didn't love Space Jam!”
“Well…I will admit that I do have a soft spot in my heart for Space Jam!” laughed Stumpy, “But only because of those wacky Looney Toons…Michael Jordan was crap in that. Maybe he should stop trying to be an actor and stick to playing basketball for the Chicago bulls!”
“Amen to that!” exclaimed Elizabeth, “And the same goes for Scottie Pippen! Ooh, bread's here! I love bread so much!”
“Me too!” said Stumpy, now almost completely at ease. He was amazed at how well this date was going! As the waiter placed the bread on the table, Stumpy reached for a piece, eager to back up his claim of being a fellow bread-lover. He froze as his ears filled with a shriek from across the table.
“OH MY GOD WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?!” cried Elizabeth, staring wide-eyed at the pink nub which Stumpy had instinctually extended toward the basket of bread in front of him. Stumpy slowly withdrew his disfigured arm from its collision course with the pile bread and sighed deeply. He had hoped it wouldn't come to this, but he had gotten used to dealing with “stump shock”. It was time. It was time for...The Song.
“Elizabeth…I…I don't know what to tell you. I have a stump. I lost my right hand in a tragic hand accident…and…and that's why they call me Stumpy.”
“But…what…you…”
“Shhh, don't speak,” cooed Stumpy as he gently placed his stub on the lips of his companion. As tears welled up in Elizabeth's eyes, Stumpy pulled back his arm and slowly stood up. Standing next to the table, he put arms to his sides and bowed his head, seemingly taking on a very a very weary and mournful stance. He then closed his eyes took a few deep and deliberate breaths, unconcerned with the gaping patrons and staff of the fancy restaurant in which he stood. He knew he couldn't put it off any longer, so he got down to business.
The whole restaurant nearly fell out of their seats in shock as Stumpy snapped his body into a dramatic pose; he stared up at the heavens with his held hand in front of his face as if to block out a non-existent luminosity and his stump drawn back behind his body as if he were striding flamboyantly. The amazement of Stumpy's audience grew and he began to sing softly…with a voice that sounded astoundingly mournful yet inexpressibly beautiful at the same:

One day long ago, I learned the way of the stub
I can't get my hand back, aye, there's the rub!
But there's light in my life, at least I'm not gay
That's why when they scream, all I can say…is…

Stumpy paused to turn his head and wink at his date before launching into “The Dance”.

Oh yes, I know
I've got a stump
Trust me it's a huge pain in the rump!

His body shook and gyrated in a polished jig that was so incredible it left nearly all the onlookers shaken for several hours afterwards, yet Stumpy didn't care. He wasn't done singing yet.

Oh yes, I know
I've got a stump
Laugh at me if you will I'm not a chump!
It's very clean
It doesn't smell
Yes trust me, I do tend it very well
So take my hand
Or take my stump
If it brushes up against you please don't jump
Stare at my nub
Please get your fill
Just call me Tony, or Stumpy if you will!

As his performance came to end, Stumpy was practically beaming! As he looked to his lady friend, he saw that her look of general shock and horror had turned into a reluctant smile. Stumpy had won the day, and he had a feeling that he was going to get the girl too.
“Oh Anthony, I'm so sorry that I screamed when I saw your hand…I mean, stump,” apologized Elizabeth. “I dunno, I guess I thought it was going to touch the bread or something. Whatever. I know now that prejudice against people with stumps is no better than prejudice against the Mexicans, and I'll never make fun of Mexicans again.”
“It's all right, baby, I'm used to it. Well…I should probably go now…” moaned Stumpy in a creepy ghost voice.
“No…no, we should go now…go back to my place, that is,” said Elizabeth with a wink.
“Let's roll,” purred Stumpy as he extended his disfigured appendage to the beautiful woman in front of him. She gladly took it in her hand and stood up to leave the restaurant. Before they walked through the door, Elizabeth pulled Stumpy close and whispered into his ear:
“Anthony…I think I love you.”
“Please, baby, call me Stumpy.”
The End