No, seriously, they h a t e me. We've been dating for 2 and a half years, and his parents have never liked me. To give some background on both of us: I'm an only child from a middle class family in the midwest, he's the oldest of three in a lower class family in New England. Pretty much that statement right there is why they hate me. They hate me because they believe my status in life makes me selfish and self-centered. They base this opinion on things I have no control over in my life. In the beginning I knew they didn't like me so I tried pretty hard by playing with my boyfriends (then) 5 year old sister and watching movies and having pizza with his family. I even made Christmas cookies for them at their house when we first started dating. Then, the first Easter we were together, he invited me to dinner at his family's house (mind you he was still living with them) because I had no family to be with on Easter. He didn't, however, tell his mom he was bringing me. When I showed up she flipped out and refused to eat dinner - which I did very awkwardly while she sat in the other room and loudly talked about how awful I was. I left after only being there for 20 minutes and have never felt so unwelcome in any place. That was the day I decided I was done putting effort into my relationship with his parents because they clearly just don't care about me at all. That was nearly 2 years ago. Then, about two months after Easter my parents took us on a cruise for my college graduation. I had just moved into a new apartment and my new roommate agreed to watch my cat and dog while I was gone. When I came back my roommate did nothing but complain about my cat and how she was always "up to something". My boyfriend put the cat in its carrier and took her to his parents house - without asking me. Granted the cat had stayed with them over Christmas while I went home, he didn't ask me if I would be okay with him taking the cat. Then he just never brought her back. His little sister got attached to the cat and he felt bad so he never brought her back to me. I hardly ever went to his house, though, because of his parents. So I never got to see my kitty. Then, about a year after he took the cat to his parents, we were moving cross country so I could go to grad school and I asked if we were getting the cat back. He said yes, but when his mom refused and said I abandoned the cat with them and didn't care about her, he let it go and decided not to get the cat. I was told if I went there to get the cat they would call the cops for trespassing, so we moved without the cat. A few weeks after moving, I got a notification that my pet had been reported missing. Apparently right after we moved the cat jumped through a screen in an open window and escaped. And somehow, his mother had managed to contact the company that her microchip was with and report her missing - ALL without me knowing. Until I got the email that the report had been made. So I called my boyfriend out on it and he told me what had happened. Months went by and no cat was found, until this fall when my boyfriend called me and said you won't guess what happened, sit down. I did and he told me they had found the cat. For some reason, the stupid shelter had decided to call him (my alternate contact) first instead of me based on the area codes on our phone numbers. I say stupid shelter because he had already called his mom and arranged for her to get the cat all before I ever knew anything was going on. Had they called me first, I could have gotten up to $500 in travel expenses covered to get her back. Obviously I was frustrated that I had had the opportunity to get my cat back and someone in the system screwed it up. I finally decided I was never going to get my cat back and would probably never see her again if I didn't give in to his parents. I decided to get them some Christmas gifts and write them a letter explaining my feelings and apologizing for the way I had treated them regarding the cat ownership issue. I forfeited the cat in my letter, saying that I loved her and wanted the best for her, even if that meant being with their family where she is loved and cared for. They got my letter and gifts and called me insincere and disingenuine. However, when I asked my boyfriend how they received the gifts, he told me they were "super happy". Only in an argument later did I find out the truth. They said that even my letter was self-centered because I was telling them my feelings. I was told that, "I hope this can be a good first step toward better communication and a better relationship between us." is hollow and pretentious, and that I should have just said, "Hope this helps." WTF? God, I needed to get that out. I don't know what to do. I'm so tired of trying only be told it's not good enough. How many times to I have to try while they sit bad and say ummmm, no, not good enough yet? I recently got his mom's phone number and was thinking about calling her and (hopefully) catching her off guard.
Your boyfriend obviously does not have the balls to stand up to "mommy" and stick up for the woman he supposedly loves. Honestly, if he hasn't been honest with you and is behaving so childishly about things, then you are better off without him and the psychotic baggage. Unfortunately this means either going and getting kitty back or finding a way to have one of the contact numbers removed from the chip. I personally would remove his and call and report that they took your cat.
Wow, you handled this all very well and i feel your pain. My boyfriend's mom hates me because one night when we were visiting his brother snooped through my facebook messages and had told her all about the message i sent to my sister venting about his mom basically telling me i was too stupid to get into the college i wanted to get into. So, now in order for me to be welcome to visit i have to call her and apologize for some information that was obtained in a shady manner. But seriously, call her up and tell her how you didn't abandon your cat you just didn't want to take the cat away from his sister. Also let her know how there is a lack of communication between her and her son (not asking before he does something) and if that's the only reason she hates you then she's psychotic. I mean, really, what do you have to lose? Is it just her or is it the father too? My ex's dad got in my face and called me a slut because he walked in on us making out like 5 years before this. I say, if you can live without their "love" then do it. This relationship isn't about them and if it doesn't bother your boyfriend don't let it bother you. Who had the chip put in? BTW. Cause if you can prove you did it i'm pretty sure she can't call the cops for you getting your cat back.
Girly - His dad is in on it, but not to the extent his mom is. His brother that is three years younger than him is on the same kool-aid as mom. She is really pretty psychotic, and the only reason I'm still trying is because I know it does bother my boyfriend. We want to get engaged soon (yes we, like both of us) but I know he's uncomfortable with the idea as long as his family feels so strongly about me. It doesn't bother me at all, I've told him before I don't NEED their love or even approval, but I want it because I know he needs it.
Then you tell him he needs to sit down with them and explain the stress they're putting on him. HE needs to grow some balls and stand up to them. How old are you guys?
That's what I keep saying, if this is gonna be the real deal, he needs to sit on my side of the fence. I just turned 23 and he's 24.
You have been wonderful, and your boyfriend took your cat, didn't ask and never returned it? Sweetheart....red flag! Slow down, smell all of the roses before you decide to take on the entire families dysfunction! Doesn't sound like your boyfriend does a very good job of standing up for anything except snuggling you on the side!!!!
Your boyfriend sounds like a fucking idiot and you should sue the company that called your alternate contact without trying to contact you first.
I'd just let it go. If you guys haven't already been together for 5 years or something, then you're just gonna end up divorced probably and it'll end up totally ugly.
I should note his parents also hate the fact that we moved 1500 miles away from them so I could go to grad school and be near my family. It's another one of my selfish actions :-/ Apparently his brother is coming here in June to see what the midwest is like and (supposedly) start working on making things better with me. We'll see, he said if I can get his brother to like me the rest of the family will eventually follow. It's sad though, that the one I'm most worried about is his little sister....God only knows what they fill her head with about me.
you need to have your bf understand that his family needs you to like them, not the other way around. you relationship with him should come first, especially as it progresses. if his family doesn't accept and even embrace that, then he needs to accept that his family isn't going to be a big part of your life together. if he can't accept that, then I think it's time to find another bf who's on your side whole heartedly. you don't want to spend the rest of your relationship stressing about this. the problem is that they see no reason to be nice to you--you being a good and likable person isn't going to be sufficient. from what you've said, i don't ever see you all being one big happy family. you need to separate yourself from the dysfunction, lest you two get swept up in the same maliciousness. it's not easy and the outcome may not be what you want to hear; however, it's very important to have a very serious and straightforward conversation with your BF about who's his number one priority: you or his family. you don't want to 'force' him to choose you; however, his not choosing you to be his priority may force you to reconsider the future of the relationship. he needs help and support to mature to the point where he can feel at peace without his incredibly rude, narcissistic, and egotistical family. you don't want him to 'cut all ties'; however, you want him to feel that if they treat you like shit, they are treating him like shit and why would you want to surround yourself with people who are that way? when the bad behavior becomes as pathological as it sounds, 'being family' isn't a sufficient reason to keep endangering yourself and your loved ones to that sort of bad influence. best of luck!
ummm fuck that family and fuck your boyfriend for lying to you about pretty much everything involved in those stories. I would never let someone steal my kitty like that
Is the cat registered? I mean you did say it was chipped. But you forfeited the cat in writing. Very Bad move... If they still have that letter you will never see Mr. Yum Yum again. As for the bf.. Sounds kind of like a douche. Mommies boy, but not the good kind. The kind where mommy tells him to cut your throat and he does it. Yeah. He assisted them in stealing your cat. What the fuck are you going to do about it? But yeah you should totally marry him.
Okay, one more time I live 1500 miles away from his family. I'm never going to have the cat in my posession again unless I drive three days each way to take her. Or pay $$$ to fly out and back with her. I don't want to sound callous, but it's just a cat. Yeah, I'm upset about it but I love her and if she's with people who care for her and lover her as much as I do, then I can't really ask for anything else. I'm OKAY with the cat being there. The issue is, when I made that decision they didn't believe that I was being serious. Probably more like couldn't believe I was serious because once again, I bent over backwards for them. Those of you who have said I need to talk to my boyfriend are right. We may be moving even farther from his family soon...I can only hope. It seems the more removed they are the better we operate.
Become the pretentious snob they want you to be and point out their faults in a subtle manner. Laugh at every stupid thing that comes out of that cunts mouth. Just my opinion. I'm not a good person