Okay, so we've dated before. Well. More than that. He was my very first boyfriend. (And also my last), he's been EVERYTHING to me since I was like 16. We dated for 4 and a half years, then he proposed to me. We were engaged and broke up exactly 1 month before our wedding, in September 29, 2012. We've gotten in some pretty nasty fights since then, but of course, I still love him with all of my heart and I want him back, and he told me he still loves me, but he will barely talk to me anymore. I'm the one that broke up with him, and although I wish we were together, I don't regret reacting the way that I did in that fight. We were in a horrible fight because of our distance. He's currently in Arizona for work, while I'm in Wyoming with my family. I hadn't seen him for ALMOST 9 months. And we're supposed to be getting married in ONE month. And I've basically planned the entire thing, right? I'd ask for help and he'd be like "I don't care, it's your wedding" -____- he just wanted it to be special for me I guess. But what a guy thing to say right? I mean it was OUR wedding..... ANYWAYS. I was on the phone, I was asking him to come see me for about a week, and I even offered to pay for his ticket and everything, and pick him up from the airport, blahblahblah. Well he absolutely refused to even come near me. I don't know what that was suppose to mean, but in the last week before we broke up, it's like he was a completely different man than I had fallen in love with... (cliche), but I confronted him about it and he just freaked out, calling me a bitch, telling me I'm selfish (for wanting to see my fiancé????) and that he wanted nothing to do with me until after our wedding, (which he suggested postponing), and at the time, I had been spending time in the hospital, I was pretty sick and pretty exhausted. So I was more than upset, and I was crying, and he told me to "suck it up"..... (keep in mind, this man is one of the most sensitive and kind hearted guy I have ever met in my life..... Our first date, he cried when Marley from Marley & Me died, if that puts things into perspective), so for him to act like this, I was totally shocked. I was getting angry, and I told him to give me some space, before I said something I didn't mean. And he said "no, meg, go ahead and say something you don't mean, I dare you" so I said it was over. And it was like I never even existed to him for 2 weeks solid. And I went back to the hospital, and I tried to talk to him and tell him my problems were getting worse, which is what finally brought us back together. Then when I was discharged, he stopped talking to me again. I do understand that I shouldn't have broke up with him, that is my mistake. But I think it was a reasonable thing to do in the situation, plus I wasn't thinking straight, due to anger and being hurt. But does that really give him the right to pretty much treat me like he hates my existence?? We started talking again last week, and every time I mention anything about how much I love him, he just gets angry. I don't understand. I want him back, but I don't know how to win him over.. Or if there's even a chance.. It's so confusing to me, because of him telling me he still loves me and he "never stopped" and "never will stop".. He said that about a week ago when he emailed me. He's so confusing. :l
Ummm, fuck him? He's filled with douchebaggery. Why would you deal with it? You're young and there are other, better suited, guys out there for ya.
Honestly it sounds like he has lost interest in the relationship. When you are in love with someone you make an effort to be near to them, you don't push them away. Most likely he had had doubts about your relationship and the upcoming wedding for awhile but didn't know how to break it off so he got you to do it. I would stop talking to him. If he doesn't want to make an effort to be in a working relationship with you but wants to string you along and keep you emotionally available for when he needs you FUCK that.
It's just.. He was my first boyfriend ever. My first anything, actually. We've always been "that couple" you know? We were together for so long, and it was always really good. Pretty much like the picture perfect relationship. He just turned 25, and I'm about to turn 24. We are like the exact same people in different bodies. He's always just understood me. He's always been distant, that's just how he is. I've known him since I was like 12. He's not talkative, or very social, and he hates drama. He keeps to himself and we always just worked so well that way, because I can't handle people. So we just stayed in our house with our animals and we had our perfect little lives. When he moved, I couldn't go with him because of my grandpa, he was dying. I could move there now, I guess, but I don't want to make a move like that, to some place I've never been, just to be stranded. He tells me one thing, then acts on the other. I just don't know what I'm supposed to do. I've just been giving him his space cuz, you know, he's not "obligated" to talk to me. I just wish he'd be straight up with me, ydg? If only he'd just light one up with me; he could get in my head & I could figure shit out. >.<
you sure do make lots of excuses as to why you should be together.... just cause he was your first "anything" means nothing more than that. i was "that couple" with my first girlfriend and felt the same way you did for some time, but eventually realized that even tho my first meant a lot to me, it wasnt meant to be. at one point i made the same excuses you seem to be using to justify trying to make things work with that particular ex.
You never should have broken up with him. You lost your power you had over him when you did that. Ok here is what ya do to make things right: Grovel! Beg! Cry! Give him money! And i mean like at least $10,000 cash. Tell him he can do whatever he wants and you will not speak to him until he speaks to you first. Then make him a filet mignon steak dinner and rub his shoulders while he eats. Then wash his feet with your hair. That shoukld do it.
...Should I? I should. You know how females tend to use emotional manipulation a little bit? This one here is classic "Make them think I'm sensetive so I can fuck 'em" material. Just saying. As for the situation in general...well... He needs to be more *actually* sensetive, and I think you need to be a little less sensetive. But hey, male and female...they ARE a bit different, no? Not all guys are "into" the whole wedding bit, I know I wasn't. Nor is my attention span that great. Nor am I decisive. Though my lady knew this about me - Probably because we'd been together 13+ years at the time eh? My advice - learn to talk to each other and don't say silly shit in anger, because, look at what it gets you. Take a walk next time. See? Look at this If it was a decision made in anger and hurt, then it was anything BUT reasonable...you too need to know where to draw lines... Just move on, and talk to each other like normal people. Don't bring up the past. Don't bring up the argument. Move on. Revisiting shit like that only brings up the same feelings again on both parts. Learn the signs when both of you are getting angry, and diffuse the situation or leave the area, change the subject, whatever when you see shit going south...I mean you probably know when this is happening by now, if not I'd suggest being a bit more observant if possible. Talk. Don't take his differing opinions and thoughts to heart, don't think that because you don't agree on something that he's got no right to say it...he should do the same for you. Big part of me wants to say that you're both a bit too young to be considering marriage...and that this is the reason so many marriages fail...because the people involved haven't spent enough time working out the kinks, but hey, it is what it is - I'd suggest both of you work on it.
All of this was super great! Thank you. Communication is key! And I'm all for that, as I'm studying to be a therapist. However, I have a hard time getting him to TALK to me. Sometimes he'll open up, but he just doesn't seem to be comfortable with me. I just really wish I could understand why...): I try to be the most understanding, positive, and encouraging person that I can be. ESPECIALLY with him. He never opens up to anyone. Which is one of the things that we are totally opposites on. (here I am, opening up on the Internet. haha!) it just gets frustrating. I was raised that if something feels right to you, then to fight for it. And that's what I want to do. I understand that he doesn't treat me super great, but I don't treat him perfectly either. It's just part of being a couple. I just can't ring myself to take 5 years and flush it down the toilet over this. I mean, we've had WAAAAAAYYYYY worse fights, and stayed together. So what's this!? As for the age thing, I believe that age is just a number. Who cares if I'm young, if I'm happy and I want something, then I'm gunna follow my bliss<3 and after 5 years, we had it pretty well figured out that we didn't want anyone else. We both had already "experimented" all we wanted. I guess it was just a feeling. I really believe this man is my soulmate. If only the feeling was mutual (
Take it from me, you're now in a stage where arguments are pretty common, but to me what says you're meant for someone, at least in our case it was...is putting up with each others bullshit. Learning how to avoid, or to not make existing arguments any worse. Learn not to say things in anger...and yeah, both parties have to listen. Didn't mean too much by the age thing, just that, in my perspective I think maybe you've got a bit more time to go before having to worry about the additional stress of a wedding and all that. Try not to have too many expectations that married life will change anything either, that's the worst thing you can do, because really a ring and/or a piece of paper is all it is. I got together with my (now) wife when she was the same age you are now, but yeah we procrastinated on the wedding long as all fuck...but that was because in our case neither of us really gave too much a shit about it, in the end it was just like "Yeah, we should probably just go ahead and..." and it'as been nothing but all good. Don't make the mistake of thinking arguing kills a relationship...just learn how to modify the things you say and make sure you know how to quit an argument. If you can get past that bit...well yeah things do calm down... You're not in your first year of living together by any chance are you? Because that year, is a fucking war. As I said though, want to get past this? Neither of you mention it, ever again. Proceed as normal. Don't focus on it, or worry about it. Try to gradually talk to each other more. Don't eat dinner in front of the TV all the time, go to gym together. Learn to cook a recipe, together. Collaborate without any audio-visual interruptions. That might help.
Don't sweat it. You're young, you were happy, you wanted something, so you went for it. Most people wouldn't do anything differently. But now that the whole situation has blown up, can you maybe see how you might have been wrong about being soulmates? I just think that even if you managed to get the relationship back together, his heart won't be into it. It sounds like you would be walking on eggshells, wondering if he hates or loves being with you.
Let me start by saying I'm a guy. He is sleeping with other chicks, guaranteed. He might love you still but don't fall for it. I was supposed to marry my first GF blah blah blah, we were also in a long distance relationship and we would visit each other often. She would always go through my phone expecting to find something and never did because I loved her. Then one day I picked up her phone, for the first time, and started to look through it and she freaked out snatched it from my hand, sat on it, and I told her to let me see it or take me home, we were in her truck. She took me home instead of lettin me see her phone so I ended the whole thing. Turns out she was talking to other guys, and probably sleeping with them. Now she tries constantly to tell me how much she loves me and she'll always be there for me but it doesn't work. Point is, this guy will tell you he still loves you to keep you "within range". I guarantee he is with other chicks and living it up am when he realizes he ruined a good thing he will try to get back with you like nothing ever happened. I know it's hard for girls but trust me. You're better off crying yourself to sleep every night and getting over this guy and moving on, then you are getting back with him. If he has cheated on you once, again I GUARANTEE he has, then he will do it again. Even if you are married. I hate seeing good girls get treated like shit by douche bags, so please please forget this guy. It's for your own good.
Sounds like he's fucking around on you in AZ and is pushing you away because he's too big a pussy to just break it clean.
no offense but you need to get a fucking grip. i know youre young and obviously you care about this guy a lot. but he seems like a real prick and youre wasting your time. there are plenty of other guys out there for you to have better relationships with even if you want him. he's just one guy you fell in love with... you're making him your world and in reality he's just another person you happened to fall in love with
[quote name='"tastytrichomes"']no offense but you need to get a fucking grip. i know youre young and obviously you care about this guy a lot. but he seems like a real prick and youre wasting your time. there are plenty of other guys out there for you to have better relationships with even if you want him. he's just one guy you fell in love with... you're making him your world and in reality he's just another person you happened to fall in love with[/quote] This one is solid advice.
Honestly it sounds like he's cheating... whenever my ex would start being a dick to me it always turned out he was talking to someone else. I think you should just let this go. You're obviously a sweet girl, you need to find a a guy that'll be just as sweet to you. I know its hard to let go of your first.. I had a kid with mine so it was really hard, but I got over it. As soon as I realized I didn't need him and I could find a guy that would treat me better I didn't give a shit about him anymore.
This is all so sad to me. I'm torn. I'm such a forgiving person, so I want more than anything to just fix this, but everyone else is more than likely right in saying that I need to let it go. I just don't know where to begin doing such a thing. Being 23 years old, it's a little difficult I guess, for me to JUST NOW start "dating" and finding new people. It's something that has to happen but I mean.. Me = No experience with this. I was in a serious relationship for so long, being in a little relationship just feels odd to me. Maybe I'm just a crazy bitch. Lolol. I feel like I'm just a big dummy for not seeing all the signs & shit. Thank you all for your opinions, ESPECIALLY the guys!! I really appreciate y'all being straight forward with me.
I'm the same way. I wanted everything to work out. I'm the same age too, and I didn't have a bunch of dating experience and I still find myself wanting to just jump into a serious relationship and bypass all the little dates and shit, but those little tedious dates are the way to start out. But you're a woman though, and I've noticed women always go running back to the guy that was the biggest dick to them. Keep that in the back of your mind when he is trying to sweet talk you. Which I'm sure he will.