So I'm not really sure how to say everything, but I really feel like I need to get it out. Some back story. Me and this girl have been friends for about 4 or 5 years now and we've always been good friends, but we recently became best friends a few months ago and I started to feel some really strong feelings for her. She tells me just about everything and one of the biggest problems in her life is that she's still trying to get over her ex-boyfriend and shes not looking for a boyfriend just yet. Here's where the problems come in for me though. I haven't been able to admit my feelings to her yet because shes told me that shes ended friendships when she feels like a guy starts to like her and I REALLY don't want to end our friendship. I know she loves me, but I just don't know if its like a brother or if it could ever be anything more. I feel like shes giving me a few hints that she wouldn't date me by saying things like "I'm not into white guys", "I'm not ready for a boyfriend", and she always talks to me about her guy problems, but I think that's partly because I'll listen and I won't be biased. On the flip side though, we always spend time together and I feel like she has to know that I like her as more than a friend and she's just waiting until she's fully over her ex-boyfriend. I really don't know if its just me hoping that she secretly likes me and shes not ready to admit it though. Like I said we get along so well and I feel like there's some kind of chemistry between us that we haven't discussed. Right now I've just been waiting for her to be completely over her ex to start feeling out how she really feels for me, but there's always another guy trying to get at her and I don't want to wait until she finds someone else and I really don't have a shot. I know I should just tell her how I feel, but I REALLY don't want to lose her as a friend and I really feel like if I told her how I feel and she didn't feel the same way we would stop being such good friends; and I'd rather not risk it just yet. I'm sorry if its a little hard to read and understand, but I've really never felt like this with anyone; let alone try to write how I feel haha. If anyone has some advice for me it would be greatly appreciated. I really have no idea what to do... Update: We hung out tonight and she it looks like she was starting to get with one of the other guys who she's previously told that she wasn't ready for a boyfriend and it made me realize that I really don't have a chance at all and that I doubt I'll be able to stay such good friends with her if she does decide to start dating this guy. Pretty shitty, but I think I'm going to stop hanging out with her so much and start hanging out with some old friends I haven't seen to much in awhile.
Hate to break it bro, but it isn't happening. Im assuming she is black, and your white? I was once with only a half black chick, and it just couldn't work due to her and my parents racism unfortunately. On the other hand, she could not be attracted to white guys. I'm not very attractive to black girls either unless they are one smoke show of a black girl, and even then I'm skeptical (no offense to black women or men, I am just not attracted to dark skin sorry). She has told you indirectly shes not into you and doesn't want a bf. Best thing you can do is tell her how you feel. Best case, she feels the same and it continues on. Worst case, things get awkward and you are back to where you started. EDIT: Want to also add that I once had a girl, whom I considered a friend, admit to me she liked me. At first I was kind of turned off, but for some reason I just started falling hard for her.
Sometimes the hardest thing in life is to accept that just because you like someone, it doesn't mean that they like you back. And it's like, duh. But it's just hard to come to terms with when it happens to you. I say, just try and get over this girl and move on. Years down the road once you're in a committed relationship with someone new, admit your old feelings. Laugh about it. If you tell her now, say goodbye to your friendship as you know if. Oh, and can we all refrain from the racial comments? This has nothing to do with race. The OP was just giving us a reason why he doesn't think she's interested.
Yeah, mostly dudes want to fuck their friends. If you've been listening to her guy problems chances are she does not see you the way you see her bro. Not suggesting you don't go for it, most of the things I regret are things I left undone. I just want you to go in with open eyes.
She's actually Hawiiaan. I really don't know if shes not into white guys, but I know she prefers colored people (not necessary black) because she wants tan babies haha. Ya, it seems like she pretty much has told me indirectly that shes not into me, but whenever she tells me things like "I don't want a boyfriend yet" is when shes talking to me about one of the guys who is trying to date her, so whenever she's told me that it wasn't ever directed at me. I wish I could tell her how I feel right now though, but like I said I REALLY don't want to even risk losing her, because we our best friends and shes the only person I really actually trust in my life right now : \ Thanks for the input though, your probably right that she isn't into me and I just need some time to let the feelings past.
I take it back. I've had guy friends tell me they had feelings for me and I didn't have them back and to this day, we are good friends. I jumped the gun. Hopefully she is mature enough to keep you around if you spill your guts and she isn't interested. You seem like a super cool guy so she's missing out of aw doesn't.
Its really not the fact of accepting that she doesn't like me how she does its just the fact that I don't know if she does and I feel like she has to like me as more than a friend, but I think that's partly because of how I feel for her. I'm pretty much doing as you suggested and just trying to let some time pass to see if she starts to feel something for me or if I stop feelings so much for her. Ya, that's always been one of the biggest hints to me that she isn't into me the way I'm into her, but I also feel like she only tells me those things because I'm one of the few if only people who will actually give her real advice and support her. I'm sure if I don't go for it sometime I will regret it, but I guess I'm mostly just waiting for the right time when shes not in such a hard place and we're not as close to tell her.
seems like you're messing up by being the nice guy. If she wanted a girlfriend she'd be dating chicks. I've learned from that mistake. It sounds like you are one awkward conversation away from the same lesson
Ya, I know I should tell her and I probably will once I know shes completely over her ex-boyfriend, but I guess I'm just nervous that it won't be the same if I admit my feelings and we won't be as close. I did kind of over exaggerate when I said we wouldn't be friends anymore. We really are to good of friends for us to just completely stop hanging out, but like I said it just wouldn't be the same and I love it how it is right now, I just wish it was a little bit more haha. Thanks for the compliment too. That always helps!
Ya, I'm way to nice of a guy haha, but I do tell her what I think, whether she likes it or not, but I'm still supportive at the same time. I really don't know what conversation would be awkward enough for us to stop being friends or for me to completely ruin my chances, besides the one where I talk about how I feel about her haha.
I had a similar situation except she showed a lot of interest (EVERYONE thought we were dating). Ended up bad when I told her how I felt and after a few months I just couldn't stay friends with her and stopped talking to her. Biggest regret of my life, miss her to this day.
Ya, that's another fear of mine. I don't want to keep on feeling the way I do and I end up having to break ties because I cant get over her while she's still in my life. I feel like everyone thinks were dating or something because of how much we hang out and how close we are though.
You probably won't be able to get over her with her in your life. I couldn't and unfortunately I could only somewhat get over her without her in my life. (this happened 2 yrs ago) Baad situation, don't know how to really help you.
Ya, I know haha. This is the first girl I've ever really had feelings this strong for and I've really wanted to dated. I just really need to know how she feels about me if I want to stay friends and move on. There's really nothing anyone can say to help me since its such a personal complicated problem. I really just needed somewhere to write it out and get a little feedback. Thanks though!
damn bro i know how you feel, i was in your shoes a few years ago. except we were in highschool and kinda immature about it. i ended up telling her how and i felt and she said something along the lines of not wanting to date anybody. who knows what she meant haha. i think theres a few road you could take. first and foremost, you could straight up tell her. you could strap in for the long haul and hope that one day she will realize that you guys are good for each other. or you could just break ties with her if it hurts u too much to see her flirting with other guys and a few months to years you could try to get with her.
Dunno bout her but I've been able to maintain friendships with guys who've admitted heavy feelings for me. I only cut ppl off for disrespect. It'll prob be more akward for you then her. Im the type of person who regrets NOT doing things. So Id rather you tell her how you feel and go from there rather than wonder what if...
i don't think you're in love with her, but you love her as a person. also, you're definitely in the friendzone. it's very apparent. it seems like she just thinks of you as one of her girlfriends. you're there for her emotional support and not an attractive male figure. it just doesn't work like that. take it from me, man. i've been in the friendzone before and i didn't realize it until it was too late. don't bother confessing your feelings to her unless you want to face the rejection and possibly ruin the friendship. my only advice is to try to make her want you by giving her less attention and try to make yourself more attractive. she might come around. girls want what they can't have
Ya, honestly I doubt she would cut ties with me just because I admit my feelings and that was just me trying to justify not telling her. Your right when you say that it will be awkward for me if I tell her how I feel and she doesn't feel the same way though, but I'm sure I could ask her in a way that won't make it awkward. I know if I don't tell her I will regret it too and that's probably why I'm struggling with it so much haha. I think I will tell her though, but I do want to wait until shes in a better place before I tell her.
I've never felt like this about anyone before and she is honestly the first thing I think about in the morning and last thing I think about before bed, but your right that I do love her as a person and I would do anything to make it her happy, whether that means just being friends or being more than friends. Trust I've been in the friendzone with so many girls haha, but for some reason I still feel like there's a little bit of hope for me. I actually have made myself more attractive in the past few months too and it seems like shes a bit more interested, but shes always been the flirty type. I will have to try the less attention and hang out with some other friends a little more though; even though that will be hard since she still is my favorite person to hang out with haha. Ya, I doubt I'll admit all of my feelings, but more of just feel out how she feels about me by asking something like "Hey, I just have to ask. Is there anything between me and you? Like relationship wise?" Kind of avoids putting myself out there and making it to awkward haha