You know your stoned when.....

When you hit the back button on your browzer, wait 5 minutes for it to go, then realize you didn't release your finger off the mouse. (All the time)

 

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You look for something for 30 minutes and find out it was in your hand the whole time.
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Iv done that

 

When you call to deliver pizza, spend 10 minutes on the phone with the dude, wait 2 hours for it to come, and realize you didn't give them your address.

 

lmao, ive done this at Dennys lmao.

 

you know ur stoned when u run out of weed and start smoking all ur moms herbs cause shes a hippie.

 

you know your stoned when you put your bowl in your mouth n try and light it but in the process you light your eyebrow onfire

(true story)

 

you know you're stoned when you reply to something and you think you posted it...but it turns out you pushed the back button instead of submit.

 

and then your too lazy to hit foreward and type the whole thing out AGAIN. yeah its happened... haha

 

-you know youre stoned when you go inside a store with your bud baggie in your hand and dont realize it untill youve left

-you know youre stoned when youre burning your mouth with steaming hot pizza and keep eating it
-you know youre stoned when you cant put on your seatbelt after 10 minutes of trying
-you know youre stoned when you go to buy food and the only thing you buy is pop rocks, nerds, and every single wonka candy you find.
-you know youre stoned when someone you know bumps into you, says hi, and you just cant answer because of how high you are
-and last but not least, you know youre stoned when you feel youre having the best time of your life

 

you know your a stoner when you roll a joint and then find out your lighter died.. so you run around looking for matches only to end up ligthing it with the hot coil in the oven


you kno youre stoned when you pee out your window when the bathroom is the same distance as your window who wants to open 2 doors?

 

you know your stoned when you go into mcdonalds and order a double cheesburger and hand them your bag of weed thinking it's money

you know ur stoned when u cant hold in the hit without laughing so hard u cough and it hurts like hell (doesnt it?)

u know ur stoned when u light ur eye brow on fire when u are aiming for the bowl

u know ur stoned when u say "damn that was some gooooood shizz"

u know ur stoned when u end up trying to converse with your pets (and believe they somehow understand)

u know ur stoned when u mix ice cream and special k and call it the greatest invention ever

and last but not least

u know ur high when every time u find urself paranoid it's cause ur stoned

 

you know your high when you set your hair on fire


true story, i was smoking with my girlfriend, she lit up the bowl, and her hair caught on fire..all she said she noticed was me hitting her in the face over and over again in the middle of me saying something

 

ive lit my hair on fire.. i admit it.. but daaaam was i stoned

 

you know your stoned when you just got done smokin a joint and dont have any rolling papers left so you look for the closet book to rip out the page.. except the book you find is the bible and you rip out page 666 and smoke a joint
you know your stoned when you stand outside of a gas station for 2 hours drinkin squirts out of the pop machine because they make you all tingly and they taste like the best thing ever. (ive done this 1)

 

You're on the 3rd of 4 gram blunts and you're so stoned you actually think the fruit flavored blunt is a cigarette

Almost lighting and actually lighting the filter on a cig by stoned accident

 

Haha, I hate it when that happens. Tastes horrible .

 

^ thank god I never inhaled

I have a habit of letting the tip of my tongue touch the filter as it seems to make it smoother

the problem is you do it like second nature so even when I felt baacy my brain still told my hand to flick the bic which happened to be right near the filter which somehow goes up faster then rice paper

 

haha i've done that more times then i'd like to admit.


You know you're stoned when you find something in your room and cant figure out what it is, so you decide to take out a video recorder and record the thing for a later, more sober time. WHile recording you turn the camera around and film yourself saying 'what is it' as if i wont know who recorded it.. I wish i saved that movie.. so funny, but i felt like an idiot.


Also the one about fumbling with a common response from an acquaintance hits home for me. I was pretty stoned one day walking around my neighborhood and my neighbor was also out walking, which was not cool because i get paranoid easily. well he said 'hey, how're you doing' and i said 'hi' which is somewhat of a normal response, but i freaked out because my over analytical stoned mind thought for sure he would literally take it as me admitting being high.

You know you're high when common words being spoken by other stoned friends result in laughter. For instance, say spaghetti while high.. so much fun. or banana, hardy (as in a hardy fish) keeps getting weirder and weirder.

 

damn i cannot find the other one to save my life. ive read it before but i wanted to find again, haha if someone a little more coherent than me could find it i would be much obliged