Couldn't have said it better myself dude, exactly how I feel. I think in this case it would be more selfish to tell the truth just to give yourself a clean conscience even though you know full well that it would cause your mom a lot of heartache. +Rep my man, I just wish it actually counted.
Did you read the part where I said, I completely understood, and it's a part of our very nature? I think you should re-read what you quoted, because I was pretty much agreeing with your retort. But if you still can't accept that you lied to maintain a relationship on your terms, then we are disagreeing, I didn't say it was morally wrong or unjust, it was just not how I prioritized my principles. Again,
Ehhh just tell the truth. The first time i ever got caught with weed, i lied and said my BEST friend must have left it at my house. My dad completely believed me, and never looked at my friend the same. That has stuck with me for almost 10 years and i really regret telling that lie. IMO most of the time parents are more mad at the fact that you are sneaking behind there backs and lying about weed, than they are the fact that your smoking it. Just be truthful and do what you do and you will be surprised how things work out.
No, because no form of understanding is in your post. Merely accusations that my lies are founded on a desire to gain something for myself and myself alone. Therefore I stated my opinion in the most factual and plain to see form possible in an effort to show you why exactly I choose to lie in certain circumstances. There is often a greater good than simple truthfulness. To say that no matter my cause, my lying is selfishly based is completely ignorant.
But it is! I understand that you also are doing this to maintain a relationship with your mother, but that doesn't make it unselfish, it certainly helps to an extent, but now you are maintaining a relationship with your mother on your terms, providing her with false impressions due to lying. Again, I'm not saying this goes against the "greater good" as you put it, but you can't deny it's selfish in nature, not good or bad, moral or immoral, just or unjust, but simply selfish.
Yeah dude just own up to it. Parents arent stupid and they will know when you are just making an excuse to weasel your way out of a situation. I didnt read any responses, just the OP, so i dont know if this has been said but. It didnt really seem to me like your mom was too mad, but if she is mad you are gonna be in trouble regardless of if you own up to it or not. Own up, tell your mom what you did. Sure she might be pissed as all hell when you tell her, but if you tell her yourself and be honest then I am sure that she won't stay angry at you for nearly as long as she would if you try to lie your way out of it
My apologies mate, but I just don't see the selfishness. For it to be selfish I'd need to be gaining something at someone elses expense. My mom loses nothing, gains peace of mind, and I continue to do what I do. Now, I'm gonna make this as easy as possible. Selfish- Adjective 1. devoted to or caring only for oneself; concerned primarily with one's own interests, benefits, welfare, etc., regardless of others. 2. characterized by or manifesting concern or care only for oneself: selfish motives. By simply taking my mother's feelings to heart in making my decision to lie, I don't meet the criteria of "Selfish." ^random
I'm going to throw a bomb into this thread. What if you were to apply the same concept to a relationship? You cheat on your girlfriend, they don't know, they lose nothing (but your honesty, which is the same in both situations); you're gaining something in the sense you're smoking weed behind their back and you're with another woman. Mother gains peace of mind you're not doing 'drugs', girlfriend retains peace of mind that you're being faithful. I'm not really sure which one of you guys I agree with to be perfectly honest and I guess I'm sitting on the fence, same shit can be applied to both scenarios though.
Was this directed at me at all? I'm not sure I understand what you're saying. Sounds like you've got 2 very different situations tangled together.
Nope, I'm just saying both situations can be deemed as 'betrayal' and not 'selfish' at the same time. I'd probably agree with you though, thankfully my mothers very understanding of my habits and doesn't mind at all so long as my life doesn't revolve around drugs. But if my mom was the complete opposite I probably wouldn't tell her until I got my own place sorted together.
It's selfish because you take the relationship between both of you, entirely in your hands, and you disfigure and distort it to make it "work" to give her peace of mind. As I've been saying, in order to make the relationship work, you have to lie to make it work on your terms. You could stop smoking to really give her peice of mind, or you can work around that, lie, and give her the impression you are not smoking to give her piece of mind. The difference between these two scenarios is that you had to give her a false impression, a patch, to make it work. While I'm not doubting it still "works" on giving her piece of mind, but I'm saying it now works on your terms, if you hadn't stepped in and instead let her perceive your actions without them being distorted by your lies, it certainly wouldn't be like how it is now. I hope that helped.
And here I thought you couldn't be more ignorant. Maybe if you actually paid any attention to what I've been writing you would have realized my mom knows very well that I smoke weed. She knows I buy weed. And she's ok with it. She sees it as my way of living, and I never once lied to her before she found out. I in no way 'distorted her perception.' And finally, are you daft? Dumb? Without a working mind of your own? How is any relationship in the hands of 1 person? It takes 2 to make a relationship of any sort. Honestly, at this point, it seems to me you are unable to see past your own preconceptions and understand what I'm saying. If you care to change that you need to stop TELLING me how MY relationship with MY MOTHER works. You know not how it works at all, enough fake experience please. It makes you sound arrogant. My mom knows all she could about me and my usage of marijuana. I hide nothing, other than the OCCASIONAL deal. Dear god you're thick-headed. If I were to buy a bag, come into contact with my mom, be asked by mom what I did with the $20 I just had, and I said; "Well mom, I went out and bought some weed." She wouldn't disown me, cry, yell at me, anything. The most that would happen is that she sighs and makes a joke. It does however bring completely unnecessary tension between a pot smoker and a non pot smoker. The same kind of tension that would arise between nearly any combination of Stoner and Non-Stoner. It's an unnecessary truth. If my mom truly cared how I got a hold of my weed then we wouldn't even be having this conversation, because I wouldn't be smoking weed, and I probably would have never ended up on GC. So this is over now. Either you understand what I'm saying, or you don't. An intellectual debate is one thing, but I really do tire of trying to show an ignorant fool my side if he's just going to continue to blindly assault me with this bullshit.
Of course it takes two to make a relationship. At this point it seems that whether you lie or tell the truth really makes no difference, it's on such a small scale. And I get the convenience of lying here, in both you and your mother's case, and I actually in this context that you are not distorting her perception or anything. But then why say, I can entirely agree with you in the context of it being a white lie that is almost meaningless to your relationship. But not in the context of what I just quoted. I'm not arguing about your relationship with your mother, or the extent of what you hide or don't hide. But if you can't admit there is an extent of selfishness to lying, even to avoid an awkward conversation, then we are going nowhere, because I would still disagree. I'm not saying that lying isn't worth it to the point that you are making, to avoid an awkward moment and thus help smooth out the day-to-day relationship with your mother. The context of lying that I'm talking about is still directed at the OP of this thread. I do. I get that, I really do. And this is the level of lying I'm talking about, not white lying to avoid a small conversation, but the magnitude of lying that would give others a false impression, whether that be of habit, or character, etc. What you are lying about holds little, little to no relevance to you and your mother's relationship. As you stated, you are truthful for the most part, and that's great. As you also stated, if she really did care, you wouldn't be here. I'm talking about the kind of lying that in order for a relationship to work, you would have to stop smoking, or you could just lie about it. And on that, it sounds like you agree with me. I'm not really talking about little white lies here.
Alright then! You're not as stubborn as I thought then. And now that I understand where you're coming from, yes I do see what you're saying. Sorry for any rude comments in that last post, I was getting irritated lol. I'm glad you didn't come at me offended after my last post. You used calm and understanding and that is something I can definately respect you for. I see your side for what it really is and you do make sense. Good discussion we had going on there though haha. Peace to ya Skyler.
Ok I knew this was going to come up and that's why I tried to say it before, what you are lying about is VERY IMPORTANT in determining whether your intentions are selfish or not. In beauh's scenario, cheating on your partner is MORALLY WRONG and therefore lying about cheating on your partner is selfish because you're using it to deceive your partner into thinking you're not doing something that you KNOW IS MORALLY WRONG. However, lying to your mother about smoking weed is a completely different story, because he doesn't find it morally wrong to smoke/consume/purchase weed. That's where it becomes selfish, when you lie to gain something that you KNOW is morally wrong. And yes I do realize that everyone has different morals, and that's why some people (skyler) label things as selfish that other people (wickedjoker) would NEVER consider to be remotely selfish. This is why the whole thing got started, and why you two will never completely agree unless one of you changes their moral fiber. But I'm glad the arguments come to an end haha, very good points were made on both sides lol, I never thought my original post would lead to such a heated debate LMAO. Just an example to prove my point, I think we can all agree that if wicked was lying to his mother about stealing money out of her purse THAT would be selfish. What you are lying about is the ONLY thing that matters haha.
hey man if she don't specifically ask you if you been smoking weed then don't bring it up that's just asking for trouble. also tobacco smoke will kill the smell of just about anything cigarettes work pretty good for most situations, but if it's extreme then the only thing the smell of a cigar won't kill is like amonia, bleach, or gasoline.
Haha hell yeah that was a good one. I'm all kinds of happy we came to a decent ending with it. And I would never steal from my mother's purse. That's FUCK'd.
Thanks, and like I said in my previous post, I can now see clearly where you are coming from. Rigorous arguments for the most part stem from a simple misunderstanding. I've come to terms by experience with friction between friends that sometimes I'm not exactly communicating clearly what I mean, and I can often confuse and offend people unintentionally. It's something we are all guilty of, and it's a good reminder when I get heated up and agitated. Well said, I'm off to do my thing and pass out. Piss drunk and high as fuck, about to watch Saving Private Ryan from start to finish before heading to the bed, where I'll most likely be awoken by a cat sleeping on my neck and/or face. Later man.