It's a reoccurring theme I can't seem to get out of my head. I'll meet a girl and talk to her for a while and get to know her, but in the back of my head I'm already imagining our relationship together. I don't think it's good because it sets me up for failure and brings me down when things don't turn out so well. I haven't had a gf in a long time and I think a part of me misses being in a relationship and having someone there with you by your side. Most of the girls I meet seem to only be interested in sex and I don't think I find as much fulfillment in just sex as I would in a relationship. I miss loving someone and I think in the back of my mind I'm searching for a potential girl whenever I meet someone. The problem is that I think this imaginary future gf shit is messing with my head. Most of the time I'll daydream about a relationship with a girl for about a week until I meet another girl and then I forget about the last one and then I start all over with the new one. Anyone have any similar experiences or advice? I wanted to put this out there to talk about because it has been bothering me for a while and doesn't seem to be getting me anywhere. If anything it's probably holding me back.
Dude, I know exactly what you mean. I know the feeling too and it's not weird at all. You're just thinking ahead which can sometimes be a good thing depending on how you think. If you think ahead and try to predict your future with a certain girl, that's a good thing before actually getting into a relationship. But if you're thinking every relationship you imagine with every girl is all butterflies and unicorn happy, then you got another thing coming.
My advice is to fantasize about anything you want bro. We are censored everyday by everyone else in everything we do so why feel bad about anything you ever feel?
I have been with girls that have given me every indication that they are interested. When I make a move, they drop me like a bomb. Never figured it out. I accepted it. Today, I have learned that it is much more rewarding to love myself, than to depend on others to love me.
@Matt D Rockefeller It's not that I'm putting them on a pedestal, I know not to treat them any better than the people I encounter otherwise. @SamGoingHam I'm glad I'm not the only one then. @Grasscoty I'm pretty sure they like it if you treat them a bit worse than the people you normally meet while playing hard to get. It throws them off a bit since they're so used to guys supplementing to their every need. Of course there is a balance to this, but what I am experiencing is a sort of obsession and fantasy in my mind where I am constantly thinking of this girl like she's going to be my gf. Like I'll wake up thinking of girls that I want to get close to even though we are just talking, texting or flirting. It's like a sort of lust that has become so habitual, yet I can't seem to shake it off. I need to find a way to get my mind off of these girls because they are a major distraction and I need to focus on things that are more important. Even if it's not the same girl from week to week, there is a girl crossing my mind that I picture will be my gf on a daily or sometimes hourly basis. Are these thoughts killing my mind state or will they somehow manifest into reality if I focus my mind enough on the right things? Idk, I just think it's really distracting. I need to be an independent person regardless of who is and isn't in my life.
All the dating advice aside.. you gotta remember that at the end of the day, a girl either likes you, or she doesn't. No doesn't just mean no - it means never. So yeah... just be very careful when you start imagining things. Crushes are for school kids. It's cute when you're a kid.. but when you're an adult, it just becomes creepy. There is no rocket science to dating.. although, people tend to be most attracted to people of higher social status. That's the only thing we know to this day.
Right? That used to happen to me all the time. I'd meet a girl. Things seemed to be going good. I'd make a move and bam, she slams on the brakes. It was only girls I had more than just a lustful interest in. Funny thing, about 10 years ago I meet this cute, laid back blonde girl. I like her a lot, but I don't make any moves. We hang out a bunch for about a month or so. I never make a move. One night we get drunk and end up in bed together. I've been married to her for 6 years now.
These days women reject you for pursuing them. In my experience you have to make them do all the work pursing you or else you're likely to be rejected. Be indifferent towards them and treat them like everyone else but give subtle hints here and there I guess. I don't ever go after girls that don't like me back. Even though sometimes it might be hard to tell at first, I don't want to waste time going after some chick that doesn't want anything to do with me.
You don't go after girls who show no interest? If I was the same way, I wouldn't be in a year and a half long relationship with the girl of my dreams. It takes time to find the right one. In my case, the right one wasn't ready in highschool and wanted to fuck around. Now she wants me and only me, and I've never been closer to anyone. It's normal to think that way about every girl you meet. It's in our dna, it's how we choose our partners. But some day the one is gonna come along and make you really happy, and it'll be a long ass wait dude, but in the end, all the shit you get out of it is worth so much more than that time you spent waiting
I'm in the same boat as you my friend. It really hurts sometimes. You want love but you get sex, and then you want sex and end up getting love. It feels there's no end to this cycle. My best advice would be to not show emotions too fast. The clinginess can turn girls away from you quickly.