Whats the right way to end long relationships?

There isn't going to be a way for him to do it without any drama, a ten year relationship ending is going to be hard for both of them whether he thinks that now or not. Honestly, he just needs to man up and be honest with her, tell her he doesn't feel the same way about her that he used to and as much as it may hurt they need to go their separate ways because she isn't the person he wants to spend his life with. It isn't easy to hear, and yes there will be tears, probably screaming especially if it is out of the blue but if that is what he wants, thats what he should do.

 

That seems like an impossibility. I do not know the couples situation, therefore it is none of my beeswax.

 

Without any drama? I mean, I'm not sure if that's possible, especially after ten years. Really though, what can he do but just be completely honest with her about it? That's the only way I think. Just be straight up. SERIOUSLY though, what else is there? Anything else is just sleazy.

 

The best thing to do is stay the fuck away from their drama. He will have to figure this one out on his own. This is one of those "can't-have-your-cake-and-eat-it-too" situations. They have been together for 10 years. His reason for leaving is boredom. He's already a schmuck. He can't be that and Prince Charming too.


Let him deal with his own shit. I would have suggested marriage counseling to get the spark back but his interest seems to lie in any vagina but hers. Get too caught up in this and you'll be getting phone calls or a visit from an angry partner/spouse/significant other wanting to know why you got involved in the first place. He's going to use you for reference/validation and you're going to end up being the bad guy in all this.


I wouldn't put it past a guy trying to get out of 10 year relationship because he's bored to use you as a scapegoat/whipping post. They'll get back together in a couple of months and you'll be the bastard that tried to break them up.


The best advice to give him is to say, "Sorry, dude. I don't do marriage counseling."

 

Sounds like you're the one in love with him. My goodness. I struck a nerve. I was looking out for you because I know how these situations end up. Yes he is a schmuck for throwing in the towel instead of trying to save a 10 year relationship they both invested time and effort in. Did you ever take into account that HE may the reason for the stagnation in their relationship? Has he considered a marriage counselor? What's your advice?


Your personal attack on me just shows you really aren't the best person for giving advice. Once again, stay out of it. Or get more deeply involved. After your response I really don't give a shit.


This is a public forum and I will respond wherever and however I choose as long as I am not, unlike you, violating forum rules with personal attacks. I usually don't feel the need to sink that low. When you lie down with dogs you get up with fleas. Anyway, have a nice day. I hope you're both happy together.


addendum: And just for the record, what kind of schmuck is more concerned about how he looks getting out this relationship instead of being concerned about what it might do to someone he professes to "still love"?


Feel free to move the goalpost and add qualifiers to try and make him look better. It happens in the politics section all the time. In fact, I think you would do well there. You have the right temperament and vocabulary.

 

The thing is the when you date somebody for 10+ years, the relationship you have with that person will never really end.. You might stop being intimate, but to say "This person won't be playing a role in my life anymore." after they have just spent the last 10 years doing that is just silly, even their absence in your life is still a role in it.


To be honest, it is really up to the woman how this goes down, even if she is the one initiating the break up.. Being an ex-boyfriend is of more social consequence than being an ex-girlfriend. She could paint you out to be the devil to every person you know after you kindly break up with her or sing your graces after she catches you banging her friend.


It would be very short-sighted of your friend to think that his life is going to be anything like it was before once he breaks up with her.. Break ups massively effect social circles friends, relatives, fuckin' almost every aspect of your life it will impact in atleast a moderate way, in relation to time and 10 years.. Well yeah, everything in his life is going to be massively affected and when he does this, he has to understand that he is forcing this change upon her and to even remotely suggest that there is an easy way to do that is just fucking silly.. This isn't like the fuckin tuck and roll routine when your girlfriend falls asleep in your arms and you wanna get up to go smoke and play a video game or whatever, no, this is so much more different than that.


Here we go.. Another long madness post.. I know a guy that actually took the easy way out of an 8 year relationship, cause there is only one easy way out for whoever wants out and its very selfish.. Its simply to just up and leave. Send her on a spa day and just fuck right off with everything you can, change number, yadda yadda.. Its gotta be planned out months in advance. Anyways, long story short, my buddy did this and took a lot of shit that he deemed "His", well, she deemed some of that shit "Hers" and when push came to shove, the law got involved and shit did not end too well for him at all.


^This could easily happen to your buddy. When your living as if everything is "Ours" and then suddenly you have to divide that.. That divide can get ugly as fuck and guess what, every single one of "Our" friends is probably going to take her side, because that is just what happens socially and if she plays the victim role right, she could even start staking claims on shit that is 100% "His" and fuckin easily get away with it. The dynamics of this are often left unexplored in conversations like i am posting here, most people do not think down the road in terms of break ups over shit like this or think that the person is not capable of that type of shit, but it happens every day and the fact of the matter is that woman can easily play the victim role and,, Well, a 10 year break up and shes getting shitted on, she is a little bit of a victim in the first place so it would only take 1 tear to play that role correctly and anything else is just icing on the cake. I am not trying to be sexist when i say that or anything, but that is the truth.


If she feels the same way, it will probably pan out evenly and well. If she is hurt by this, i see your buddy going through an ugly break up and after investing 10 years into somebody and getting shitted on, what is stopping them from being vindictive about it? Like fucking nothing at all. Anyways, like i said, not trying to be sexist but as a man, you see this shit happen sometimes and to not talk about it is just silly. To be fair, there are also men who will play the victim role and easily get away with it. All context.

 

So you ask for advice and freak out when its not what you want to hear? Guess you can figure this shit out on your own then eh?

 

My dog sleeps with me all the time, and I don't have fleas....

 

Dude, OP, you asked for advice. Carne Seca gave some to you, which was pretty good. Not getting involved is probably the best thing. It's your friend's relationship -- he should deal with it himself. Maybe tell him to say that he doesn't doesn't see their futures working together anymore. But there's not much more you should do besides that.

 

He just needs to say "Honey, I'm going out for smokes!", then disappear forever.

 

Honesty can be painful for both parties but it is the only mature and responsible way to deal with this.

 

Be honest fucc it it's gonna hurt either way or she might feel the same just don't wanna say nothing never know but the truth will set you free lol!!

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My best advice is not to get involved. Don't offer advice just wish him well because once things go south you don't wanna be in the crosshairs

 

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That dumb.


Use one of those goofy singing telegram things.

 

liability issues.

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