The biggest lie you got away with.

Discussion in 'Grasscity Forum Humor' started by SpaceDuke, Aug 22, 2015.

  1. Post a big lie you told and somehow they believed it.

    Once I was church and decided to slip into the back room unnoticed to see what goes on there and why we aren't allowed there. So I sneak in during tea service.
    Now I'm in there and I see a huge cross under a cloth. I remove the cloth to get a better look and I drag it too hard and the huge cross comes crashing to the ground and makes the loudest bang. Then I hear people running to come and see. I pretend to act I was badly hurt by the cross

    The pastor: " what happened, are you okay"
    Me:" I came in here to stop some kid fiddling around and he accidentally dropped the cross. When it hit me he ran away"
    The pastor:" Do you know who did this"
    Me:" No it happened too fast"
    The pastor:" Okay let's get you checked out"

    I was like Oh My Fucking God he believed me. And I had no blood on me or shards of the cross on me
    The cross was to be unveiled after the service, and it kinda cost a fortune coz we raised funds for it

    I am going to Hell for that.
    Your Turn
     
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  2. i have had major brain surgery twice where my head was opened from ear to ear the resulting scar is zig zaged now im comfortable with my appearance but on 1 occasion sum1 blatantly came out and asked me in a manner i didnt like what the hell happened to me to get such a scar so i proceded to act like i didnt really like to talk about it but he kept on so i eventualy told him that whilst in the ocean when i was younger an got attacked from a shark leaving the zigzag scars the guy was horrified but then progressed to tell his friends the story and i continue to use that story today even my friend know tye routine and will get the ball rolling if some 1 mentions my scars to them so the lie has gotten increasingly better with the same results from gulable people aha
     
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  3. New name for ya dug, SHARKBATE
     
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  4. The kid can't be mine, I got a vasectomy
     
  5. Oh shit you bad my guy
     
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  6. probably not the biggest and more of a cover up than a lie but when i was a kid i had a scooter and i was riding inside the house which i was not supposed to do and somehow i managed to bang the front wheel into the wall and i made a hole the size of a scooter wheel. anyway i went around the house and looked for some tape and matching paint and i taped and painted the hole. I was never questioned.
     
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  7. wow. Lol, that's funny
     
  8. and will you carry that to the grave? Lol
     
  9. Couple years ago I was outta weed and stressing out and went to the urgent care and sat in a wheel chair. When it was my turn to see the dr I cried out in pain of my hip bone severely hurting. I made up a lie about digging for gold, which a lot of people do around here including me, so it was halfway believable. The Asian lad dr was very sympathetic with my award winning cries and pleas for the pain to just go away. They took an X-ray and she brought the picture back to me pointing out what she thought being a hairline fracture lmao. Wrote me a script of something heavy duty and I was gone. Never did it again because it made me feel like a junkie or something and I might have gotten lucky with that sweet , naive Asian dr lady.
     
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  10. I have a not-so-bright friend.

    "What's that?"

    "What's what?"

    "THAT" she pointed at some birds in the sky.

    "Birds. So what?"

    "No. What they're doing. Why are they flying around in circles like that?"

    "Ohhhhh. Those are Chicken Hawks."

    "No. Shut up. For real?"

    "Yep."

    "So why do they do that?"

    "They spot some chickens and they circle around and around and around over them. The chickens watch the hawks closely, going around and around. Then they get dizzy, lose their balance and orientation and fall over. When that happens, the Chicken Hawk swoops in to get the dazed and confused ones laying on the ground.

    "Ohhhh wowwww."

    I felt like the way Kevin Kline said he introduced bowling to the Russians. First demo throw he rolled a gutter ball, called it Gutter Ball. told them that was the object if the game, shook hands and quietly, quickly left with a wad of cash in hand.
     
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  11. I prefer the don't lie and zip your lip technique.

    Sent from my XT1028 using Grasscity Forum mobile app
     
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  12. Not really a lie but one time me and some friends were smoking in the woods and my homie gave me two bags to hold onto for him cuz he didnt have pockets. So after the sesh is over and we start heading back to my place, he asked for the two bags i was holding for him. It was in my sock but i told him i accidentally left it in the woods lol. But after seeing him get all upset and got a good laugh out of it, i gave him his weed back. Never intended to keep it. Just being an asshole lolol.

    Sent from my SM-G920V using Grasscity Forum mobile app
     
  13. When I was 15 I stole 60$ from some kid and lied and got away with it. I know, I'm an asshole, I wouldn't do anything like this ever again.


    Sent from my iPhone using Grasscity Forum mobile app
     
  14. When me and my friend were selling stuff a cop caught me and i told the biggest lie about what were doing and it worked. He took me home
     
  15. When I was 7 my dad had left his beretta 9mm out on his work bench after cleaning it. We were totally not supposed to touch any of his guns at all, if we got caught looking at them wrong it was a HUGE thing. He had a big collection, but we rarely saw them. He was really good about locking them up and keeping them away from us. So, leaving the beretta out was rare. I'm so curious it's ridiculous. I sneak around the house, figure out where everybody is and what they're doing so I can figure out if I'm going to get walked in on or not, you know. I feel confident, so I go and pick up the gun. It's heavy, it's bigger than my hands. I'm 7 and have no idea about guns. This is the first time I've ever handled one. I'm pointing it around the room and pretending to shoot things, I'm putting my finger on the trigger, all the things you shouldn't do. While I'm doing this, my 14 year old brother walks in and says, "Hey, you're not supposed to be in here!" It freaks me the fuck out! I turn to face him and I accidentally pull the trigger and the gun goes off. I didn't know it was loaded. The gun goes flying out of my hand and scares the shit outta me. I look over at my brother, expecting him to be all freaked out too, and he's not there. Then I see him, laying on the ground. The shot caught him in the side of the head. I start screaming and crying (I'm 7) as my parents run into the room to see what happened. My mom's in first, and is screaming, "What happened?!? What happened?!?" and my dad comes in and sees everything and realizes he left the gun out and just sort of collapses. I never told them that I shot and killed my brother. I told them that I heard my brother in the room and so I walked in and saw him shoot himself. Nobody ever doubted me. To this day my parents still think he committed suicide. Yeah, I made all of that up. Never happened lol
     
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  16. Fucker had me goin. U should write a book
     
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  17. He's like James Brown, he speaks his own damn language :p.
     

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