Last time u shit your pants?

Discussion in 'Grasscity Forum Humor' started by lord flash, Apr 12, 2015.

  1. Last time or funniest pants shitting story you have.

    My friend shit his pants at his grandmas funeral while carrying the casket. Which is probably the best I've ever seen.
     
    • Like Like x 1
  2. One time I coughed so hard I felt my anus clench and I think maybe a little bit came out but I'm not sure


    Sent from my iPhone using Grasscity Forum
     
    • Like Like x 2
  3. I was probably 7, had the flu and needed to fart...
     
  4. In 7th grade 1st period math class I got a case of explosive diarrhea. I tried to hold it back... I think I held back the first 2 waves but then the 3rd was overwhelming and it just blew up... but quiet enough so nobody heard. All I remember is the smell only took a few seconds to become horrible, and somehow I played it off the whole day without anyone figuring out it was me. Walking through the halls everyone behind me would be screaming and commenting on the smell. In class I just had to play ignorant and blame it on someone else. Highly stressful day at the time... no kid wants all the other kids to know he shit his pants. But I got lucky... I've seen another kid in high school shit his pants in the middle of the hall, and he just never came back after that day.
     
    Another time, I stepped in a giant pile of horse shit on the way to class, somehow without knowing. After I sat in my chair other people were walking in hollering "wtf if that smell" etc, and then one guy spots shoe tracks and sure enough it goes to me. I'm like fuc.... This sucks. and everyone looks at me. Being an asshole at the time, I started wiping my shoe on my desk and the kid in front of mine's desk. then I wiped it all over his bookbag and whatever else was around... The teacher had to call the janitor and we had to go to another room, without my shoes or the kid's backpack. 
     
  5. The place: BMO Harris Bradley Center
    The event: Bucks VS Spurs
    The snack: Satan's Diarrhea Hate Bears made by Haribo
    I recently took my 4 year old son to his first NBA game. He was very excited to go to the game, and I was excited because we had fantastic seats. Row C center court to be exact. I've never sat that close before. I've never had to go DOWN stairs to get to my seats. 24 stairs to get to my seats to be exact.
    His favorite candy is Skittles. Mine are anything gummy. I snuck in a bag of skittles for my son, and grabbed a handful of gummy bears for myself, to be later known as Satan's Diarrhea Hate Bears, that I received for Christmas in bulk from my parents, and put them in a zip lock bag.
    After the excitement of the 1st quarter has ended I take my son out to get him a bottled water and myself a beer. We return to our seats to enjoy our candy and drinks.
    ..............fast forward until 1 minute before half time...........
    I have begun to sweat a sweat that is only meant for a man on mile 19 of a marathon. I have kicked out my legs out so straight that I am violently pushing the gentleman wearing a suit seat in front of me forward. He is not happy, I do not care. My hands are on the side of my seat not unlike that of a gymnast on a pommel horse, lifting me off my chair. My son is oblivious to what is happening next to him, after all, there is a mascot running around somewhere and he is eating candy.
    I realize that at some point in the very near to immediate future I am going to have to allow this lava from Satan to forcefully expel itself from my innards. I also realize that I have to walk up 24 stairs just to get to level ground in hopes to make it to the bathroom. I'll just have to sit here stiff as a board for a few moments waiting for the pain to subside. About 30 seconds later there is a slight calm in the storm of the violent hurricane that is going on in my lower intestine. I muster the courage to gently relax every muscle in my lower half and stand up. My son stands up next to me and we start to ascend up the stairs. I take a very careful and calculated step up the first stair. Then a very loud horn sounds. Halftime. Great. It's going to be crowded. The horn also seems to have awaken the Satan's Diarrhea Hate Bears that are having a mosh pit in my stomach. It literally felt like an avalanche went down my stomach and I again have to tighten every muscle and stand straight up and focus all my energy on my poor sphincter to tighten up and perform like it has never performed before. Taking another step would be the worst idea possible, the flood gates would open. Don't worry, Daddy has a plan. I some how mumble the question, “want to play a game?” to my son, he of course says “yes”. My idea is to hop on both feet allllll the way up the stairs, using the center railing to propel me up each stair. My son is always up for a good hopping game, so he complies and joins in on the “fun”. Some old lady 4 steps up thinks its cute that we are doing this, obviously she wasn't looking at the panic on my face. 3 rows behind her a man about the same age as me, who must have had similar situations, notices the fear/panic/desperation on my face understands the danger that I along with my pants and anyone within a 5 yard radius spray zone are in. He just mouths the words “good luck man” to me and I press on. Half way up and there is no leakage, but my legs are getting tired and my sphincter has never endured this amount of pressure for this long of time. 16 steps/hops later…….4 steps to go…….My son trips and falls on the stairs, I have two options: keep going knowing he will catch up or bend down to pick him up relieving my sphincter of all the pressure and commotion while ruining the day of roughly the 50 people that are now watching a grown man hop up stairs while sweating profusely next to a 4 year old boy.
    Luckily he gets right back up and we make it to the top of the stairs. Good, the hard part was over. Or so I thought. I managed to waddle like a penguin, or someone who is about to poop their pants in 2.5 seconds, to the men's room only to find that every stall is being used. EVERY STALL. It's halftime, of course everyone has to poop at that moment. I don't know if I can wait any longer, do I go ahead and fulfil the dream of every high school boy and poop in the urinal? What kind of an example would that set for my son? On the other hand, what kind of an example would it be for his father to fill his pants with a substance that probably will be unrecognizable to man. Suddenly a stall door opens, and I think I manage to actually levitate over to the stall. I my son follows me in, luckily it was the handicap stall so there was room for him to be out of the way. I get my pants off and start to sit. I know what taking a giant poo feels like. I also know what vomiting feels like. I can now successfully say that I know what it is like to vomit out my butt. I wasn't pooping, those Satan's Diarrhea Hate Bears did something to my insides that made my sphincter vomit our the madness.
    I am now conscious of my surroundings. Other than the war that the bottom half of my body is currently having with this porcelain chair, it is quiet as a pin drop in the bathroom. The other men in there can sense that something isn't right, no one has heard anyone ever poop vomit before.
    I can sense that the worst part is over. But its not stopping, nor can I physically stop it at this point, I am leaking..it's horrible. I call out "does anyone have a diaper?" hoping that some gentleman was changing a baby. Nothing. No one said a word. I know people are in there, I can see the toes of shoes pointed in my direction under the stall.. "DOES ANYONE HAVE A DIAPER!?!" I am screaming, my son is now crying, he thinks he is witnessing the death of his father. I can't even assure him that I will make it.
    Not a word was said, but a diaper was thrown over the stall. I catch it, line my underwear with it, put my pants back on, and walk out of that bathroom like a champ. We go straight to our seats, grab out coats and go home. As we are walking out, the gentleman that wished me good luck earlier simply put his fist out, and I happily bumped it.
    My son asks me, "Daddy, why are we leaving early?"
    "Well son, I need to change my diaper"
     
    • Like Like x 3
  6. I vote for best GC story of the year!!! Sorry you had to go through this but thank you for the laughs :)
     
    • Like Like x 1
  7. I always feel like a daredevil when I carelessly let out a fart because you never know when it may be a poo.
     
    • Like Like x 1
  8. Some amazing stories

    Unfortunately (or fortunately), ive only sharted in my pants thanks to dairy
     
  9. You know when you feel a really aggressive, loud fart coming on so you spread your ass in the direction of your friend and let it fly? It wasn't a fart and I don't have friends anymore.
     
    • Like Like x 5
  10. GC just went Reddit on us :laughing:
     
  11. Yea I very carefully traversed my way through here just to like your post.
     
  12.  
     
    This needs its own thread!
     
  13. If you like pants pooping stories check out the Doodie Calls podcast. Funny as hell! It's all about embarrassing poop situations, from pants pooping as an adult to bathroom accidents. Many involve celebrities.
     
  14. I'm actually shitting my pants right now. I am trying to get out of this date i am on
     
  15. Shit my pants once in a fight when I got punched in the stomach. Needless to say I lost said fight
     
  16. last time I shat myself was I was on my home from working at dominos, thankfully clocked out; and I had just finished eating a fucking philly steak pizza medium all by myself.. SO FUCKING GOOD, but...I'm lactose intolerant and that was not a good combo..so..much.cheeese..
     
     
    anyways about half way home I'm feelin brave and just let out a lil fart, had to push, thankfully it was nothin. As I approach the bridge that leads to my development I feel my stomach begin to churn and that awful feeling of the turtle head poking out, so I buckled over and tried to hold on as I sped up but the more I sped the more it wanted to come out. Shit a turn is coming up, as I go to break I feel it just let loose and I fart and it all just goes, straight down my leg, all in my seat; shit sucked literally. I spent hrs cleaning my car seat, threw those clothes away, my shoes were shit stained, never ate philly steak with extra cheese after that..never again.......
     
  17. Not wiping well or at all is as bad
     
  18. 4th grade.. shit went straight through my pants and ended up on my teachers floor.. She was so mad "I'm sick of you kids shitting all over my floor!"
     
    • Like Like x 1
  19. I think I'm wiping too hard because my ass is killing me
     
  20. Thanfully i cant remember shitying my pants, so i must have been a wee kid.
    But there is no way i would shit myself lol

    I would go in a bush or up an alley.
    In fact i would shit in the gutter before shitting all iver myself!

    Fuck what anyone else thinks. Needs must and all that!
     

Share This Page