I Think Im Screwed..

Discussion in 'Sex, Love & Relationships' started by kiwigalnz, Sep 17, 2014.

  1. I need advice. Been in a long term relationship of 20 years and pretty much hate his guts now. So unhappy. He controls everything I do. I can't even talk to other people when he is near as he tells me I am an embarressment to him. We never have sex anymore as I seem to disgust him. I consider myself to be a very attractive woman...not from being vain but from judging the male attention I seem to attract. I've always remained 100% true and faithful and loyal. But I think I'm now fucked and not quite literally...yet anyway. This guy I met 3 years ago...we have always been a little flirty with each other but the both of us have partners and have done nothing about it. But with the lack of attention I'm getting from my partner...I seem to be thinking of this man more often. He makes me incredibly hot and aroused with the way he looks at me. He's becoming an addiction to me. I can't seem to think, eat or sleep...I just have this man on my mind. All I now think about is making love to him. I know he is taken and that is precisely why we have done nothing. but there is something so palpable between us..so strong...I just want and need to fuck him. I have no morals and am destined for hell I realise that. But fuck he is so incredibly hot and desirable. I'm completely and utterly screwed aren't I. :(

     
  2. The vagina wants what the vagina wants. If you think it's worth the ride, go for it. Or stay home with your hubby and not get any. Your choice...
     
  3. You aren't married with your current guy, so cut ties with him. Why did you stay for soooo long though he was treating you so badly? As for this other guy, don't pursue him. He may make you feel good, but do you know this guy well? Also, he is in a relationship too so I don't think jumping in a relationship with someone who is with someone isn't a good idea. Break it off with this other guy and FIND yourself.
     
    It's been 20 years and you only have 1 life to live! Don't waste anymore time with this guy you are with and cut ties. That way when you are ready for a relationship, it isn't out of desperation to "feel" wanted, but you will actually be happy and willing to start a new.
     
  4. Yeah you don't break up other people's relationships over a crush. Meet someone you can talk to openly w/o guilt and fuck.


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  5. #5 LoveisKind, Sep 17, 2014
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 17, 2014
    Agreed. I think a no strings attached with someone is good so she can get that sexual desire met.
     
  6. #6 kiwigalnz, Sep 17, 2014
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 17, 2014
    It's truthfully been about 3 years since we had sex and I no longer desire my partner like I should. Whenever we are at a function together, I have to sit by myself as he is too embarrassed to be seen with me. He makes me feel ugly and lonely. I have not done anything with this other guy..and will listen to all your advice and take it on board. I feel so stuck. I know I do need to find myself again and yes I have known this other guy for 3 years and we know each other very well.
     
  7. #7 kiwigalnz, Sep 17, 2014
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 17, 2014
    I have had ample opportunity to have an affair with some very distinguished gentlemen but I have always remained faithful. How do I stop thinking about him?? How do you just automatically stop the attraction I feel? I will go to my grave thinking about this man. There has never been another man who can make me feel this good. Never
     
  8. #8 kiwigalnz, Sep 17, 2014
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 17, 2014
    I am not a one nighter kind of girl and never have been. It has to mean something. What IF this other guy is as unhappy as I am? I didn't even like this other guy when I first met him. I thought he was arrogant, rude and obnoxious. But something changed, when, how or why I don't know, it just changed between us. Now we can barely, just barely keep our hands off one another when in the same room. This attraction has grown over 3 years, it was never there to start with. Very odd to me and I simply don't understand it.
     
  9. 20 year? Holy shit how old are u?
     
  10. #10 kiwigalnz, Sep 17, 2014
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 17, 2014
    I'm 38. He's the only man I've had a serious relationship with. I'm not married to him. The other man is 46.
     
  11. If you are unhappy in the relationship you are in, you need to leave it. your not screwed because you have a sexual desire, your not going to burn in hell, or all that. sex is a natural thing. its just been demonized through religion.  if he is unhappy with his situation he needs to leave too. don't keep yourself in a crappy relationship any longer. I know that 20yrs is a long time, but if he wont even sit with you at functions, then its time to move on, and find out who you are with out being criticized by some one who is supposed to be your partner.  no one should control your life. its your life. free yourself, and live it!
     
  12. Stoniecat...I do so want to leave...I feel like I'm in a cage that I can't get out. We have kids so it's just not that easy. Do you think I should tell this other guy how I feel? For me it's something more than just sex. For him I don't know. Whatever there is between us has taken 3 years to slowly develop...so he's not the kind of guy to just sleep around either. My partner tells me he won't ever let me go yet treats me so awful. It's so hard to get out of a 20yr relationship without feeling so much guilt :( I do feel screwed no matter what I choose to do. I've always sacrificed my life for others especially my kids. My partner was never like this, but this is who he has become. There isn't a day that goes by that he doesn't tell me I'm ugly and so useless and stupid. When you hear it so often you start to believe it. Nobody knows how much I have sacrificed to try to make him happy. But now I feel like I hate him so much. he has killed any love I ever felt for him. Anyway thanks for listening to me guys. I will update further on with what I decide to do. But please can someone answer me on this...should I let this other man know how I feel even though I suspect he knows very well how I feel??
     
  13. I don't think you need to tell the other guy how you feel. Leave the dirt bag you are currently with and get your life in order. If you can't leave because of money problems you will have to take him to court.
     
  14. you have to find you again. your partner isnt going to help unless you shake up the relationship. sometimes not even then. 20 years of that shit and your still there. your what real men call a keeper. my wife ran off and i like to dance, snuggle,and talk. opinions are many but there is only one of you. you know what you have to do. get laid!!!!!   for you!  your partner is in the other room. close your eyes that dick is George or Brad or who ever. life is short baby live it. Or find a fuck buddy. most of all you have to make you happy.
     
  15. Yeah thanks Max. I have read back through everything and I wish this was somebody else's unhappy existence. I am a keeper, I'm a bloody good woman. And I wouldn't be thinking of this other man if my own were looking after me. 3 years of no sex and a woman needs someone you know. She can keep herself happy for a while but eventually all women need a good man loving her. I'm ready to walk. I've just had enough of his bullshit. He's never slept around on me but doesn't want me either. Perhaps it's just a matter of outgrown love I don't know. It's going to be so difficult to try and stay away from this other man. We have to see each other a lot, more so in the winter during sports than the summer. I have to try and stop thinking about him. But I have to be completely honest and say that if he comes onto me I'm not going to have the strength to say no.  
     
  16. Don't stay in a relationship that makes you unhappy. I've been married 20+years and our relationship has changed at least a dozen times to keep each other happy and give each other what we need. If you and your partner can't work it out then move on. Life's too short to be miserable. Do what makes you happy.
     
  17. You seem very unhappy. You should really cut ties with him. So what if you have kids, they'll be okay. Don't forget you have needs too

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  18. If things go that stale, the only thing left for you is to end it. It's not good for anyone to remain where they aren't comfortable. 
     
  19. hey just wanted to check back with you. to see how you where doing? just remember this is about you. my kid was way better off with out us staying together. smiles bred smiles if you feel good about your life you kids will feel it too.
     
  20. Hi guys, I'm still here. Thanks for all the replies. I know that the right thing to do is leave him. But every time I try to bring it up he shuts me down...completely. Tells me I am only thinking of myself and not the family. Tells me every day it's my fault we are struggling as a family. I feel so suffocated you know? I see myself in this big locked cage and he is dangling the keys but never gives them to me. That's how I feel. If I just walk out, I have no money. No-one who I can rely on to help me and he knows that. And if I do leave, who is going to want me? I am not going to start anything with this other man and will not unless he leaves his wife. My partner tells me all the time I am an old ugly woman now...yet I have men staring at me all the time. My self esteem has got to the point that even though I know I attract male attention, in my head I'm still not good enough. How do I change that way of thinking???
     

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