In high school, my buddy and his girlfriend drove out to a pasture to drink and fuck. They got liquored up, and she had to go out to crap. She came back, he figured it was time to give her the bone. When they started to make out, he could smell nasty shit. She was so drunk she crapped into her own shorts, then pulled them back on and smeared shit all over herself. End of the party, no pussy for him that day.
Back in College I had been trying to hit this MILF that lived in the apartment upstairs. I was 19, she was 35. One night I was in her apartment having a few beers and she keeps touching me and even kisses me but every time makes a comment that I am to young... We eventually get into some heavy making out. I pick her up and walk towards the bedroom. She is kissing me and laughing and says something really funny.... (Her bedroom has a 1 step platform that the bed is on.) I step on the platform while laughing and farted really loud. She quickly mentions an early morning meeting and that she should go to bed and that it was time for me to leave.. No puss for me and the Blue Ball factor was super painful!!
I did see her in an office at a Car dealership like 2 years later. I think she handled loans. We had a moment of awkward eye lock but never spoke again..
If i been on a date with a girl. All day. Hot ass summer day. We probably been dancing and shit. She better shower. Ill probably shower too if ive been out all day. But if a girl comes over after class or whatever and i already showered ill still tell her to shower. I dont eat toilet paper, piss, or creamy white discharge lol.
Similar story. In college as well there was this really cool chick in one of my classes. We kind of flirted during class but I had a GF so nothing happened. Ran into her over the summer at a bar and somehow I managed to talk her back to my place. I was nervous as hell as I was sure she was way out of my league. So we get naked and are laying there and I have the pressure of some beer farts, but there is no way I am going to let one out. Then she reaches over and tickles me. Riiiippppppp! I immediately hear a "that's so gross" and when I turn towards her to appologize she starts laughing. She though it was funny so I somehow managed to play it off. She is also the first, and only, person to ever catch me masturbating. We had started dating and one day during the fall semester she had stayed over. I woke up wanting some but she said she had to get to class. The bathroom was down the hall and she usually took a shower. I thought I had given her enough time to get in the shower and so I started stroking. In she comes because she didn't have time for a shower. She makes a comment like I must have really been horny so she gives me a quick HJ and leaves for class. She really was a cool chick, but she a few issues and it didn't work out.
So the ex and I were doing the dirty with a rubber. I pull out and I finish all over her back and hair and I'm like "The fuck?" I looked around and couldn't find the condom! Ex said her pussy felt weird...and you can probably guess the rest. The condom had come off inside her vagina and I had to pull it out with my finger.... Another time (with the same ex) I was going pretty hard and fast. Pulled out too far and didn't "aim" well enough and I thrusted my dick about 2 inches in her butthole. She immediately starts crying and wouldn't finish me off.
This is extremely embarrassing, but oh well! So me and my ex-girlfriend are trying anal for the second time. I pull my johnson out, look down, and what do I see? A piece of shit on my dick. I'm not proud to say this but I didn't stop.
Nothing to be embarrassed about. Shit does come out of assholes, literally and figuratively speaking lol. Would have been worse if you stopped, got shit on yo dick for no reason with blue balls. GJDM!