The Lonely Thread

Keeping busy doesn't always have to mean doing mindless busywork to occupy the time.
For instance, I love building computers and learning how to push my rig to its limits. That occupied most, if not all, of my time until one day I was out with friends and met a girl who I was really attracted to. We hung out and hit it off with no effort at all.


It's cliche but sometimes giving up the chase and just focusing on yourself will do wonders cause you'll be so focused on investing in yourself and making YOU a better person that you won't have time to chase others. Eventually, things fall into place and someone whose right for you will come into the picture.

 

Oh well. It's been a while since I posted here.


Can't say much has really changed in terms of my social life. I can speak to people comfortably, nowhere near as shy as I used to be.. but building relationships has always been an uphill battle for me. Everyone I've ever met has let me down in some way or another, or stopped talking to me altogether.. and I'm not just talking about romantic relationships.


I feel as if it is my cosmic destiny to be disconnected from the rest of humanity. I can't possibly be so unlucky, so many times in a row, when dealing with people.


One thing I've learned, nonetheless.. is that when you just stop replying to people and let them piss off - sooner or later, they'll ring you up out of the blue. Sadly, most of the times when people do that.. it's when you have something they need.


I feel as if I'm torturing myself every time I try to connect with people on some deeper level. I'm in denial of my god-given destiny. I'm trying too hard to be normal.. when I could be letting go of what I can't change, and start focusing on my strengths, instead.

 

Ahh, you seem so cool, it makes me sad knowing this is how you really feel. Now I can't deny that I'm mainly just a nihilist, but I used to and sometimes still do feel like my life was soke big tragedy that somebody wrote out a script for, because it was just too perectly unhappy and cruel. But then I would have moments where I thought that maybe my destiny was actually to suffer a lot, because then I could love and help people in a way that many people can't because they just don't appreciate it the same way as someoke who spent most of their life without companionship. The way things are going with my gf still, i'm inclined to still lean towards the second option. So hey, don't give up hope, without suffering we can't know happiness.

Also, I feel like personally everyone I've known has let me down, but I don't let that get in the way of building relationships. I feel like that's just an inevitable part of life. Nobody's perfect.. and everyone's gonna make mistakes and be stupid or mean at times. You have to be willing to forgive. I've let so many people down so many times, so I try never to hold it against anyone. Obviously depends on the circumstances, but yeah. If you expect perfection you'll never be anything but disappointed.

And lastly, I think you should never stop trying to be normal, if that's what you want to be. It's never too late to change and the future is always open. I would never just accept that I was powerless to change the situation. You never know what can happen so you should just do your best and eventually something good will come of it.

Sorry if this wasn't helpful at all but like I said I think you seem cool and it upset me to know that's how you feel, and i wanna help lol

 

At this point I'm lonely but anytime I try to connect with anyone, they try to move things way too quickly. It freaks me out, I wish the men I talk too were more relaxed and would stop trying to push things after talking to me after a few days. I have feelings for them too and I'm not afraid or anything but they push it way to quickly. I'm really laid back and independent and I like taking my time getting to know someone. In my past I made so many stupid mistakes jumping into relationships and than finding out later we have nothing in common or no interests. Than I think to myself, "Why did we end up together in the first place?" It's due to the fact that they push things and want to jump into a relationship with me. Sure they fall for me, think I'm great in the beginning but I need someone who actually has things to talk about and loves to communicate. Once I fully can connect with a person on a mentally level I fall for them. How it seems as if anyone I meet they do the same exact thing-wanting to jump into a relationship with me. I'm lonely and it sucks but I don't want to settle down with just anyone. I've wasted so much of time with people who don't even connect with me. I dated a lot of them who I connected with but it didn't work out in the end due to us both changing as people and they wouldn't communicate with me. A few people have told me I'm too picky but I don't think so, I just want to connect with someone and be able to get along with them, laugh with them, communicate well with them and be able to be open. I'm tired of wasting my time with people who don't connect with me. I had one guy after a week tell me, "I think I'm in love with you." This totally freaked me out and I told him, I seriously need to get to know you better before I even say those words and he sounded very hurt and got pissed off at me.

 

Why aren't you used to it yet. I can't love people. I can like the things they do for me, but I can't love.

 

I couldn't have said it better. For me its non romantic relationships that are failing. There just aren't a lot of people that I totally click with. Its very rare and then it just dwindles off... :-(

 

I hope you don't mind me saying so, but your post really reminded me of something i've heard about before, basically the deep need for an emotional connection before any other feelings can really occur. It has a name, which i forgot, but i just looked it up and thought maybe you would find this interesting or enlightening: http://demisexuality.org/articles/could-i-be-demisexual/
Not saying it applies to you but i thought you might be curious because your situation does sound kind of similar in some ways.

 

Thanks for bringing this up to me. I'll look more into it. However I don't think I am. I just think I got hurt by a lot of men in my past and now I'm just being a little bit more cautious on who to date.

 

Hey, sorry, i feel bad for even posting it now but it just sprang to mind and i wanted to be helpful. And having read your post again i'm not sure why i was even thinking that.

I think i just relate to you so much. (I am a guy but i'm really emotional so just throwing that out there) I am a little confused though... because you say that you aren't afraid and that you want a fulfilling relationship with someone, but you also say that guys try to push you into relationships and that it makes you scared. That makes it sound to me like really the problem is a lack of communication, like you mentioned. And that's what i relate with so much right now. My 'problem' is that I talk too much. Like waaay too much. I'm not trying at all but this post right now will probably end up being a "long" post because they always do. But not about trivial matters. I talk endlessly about my deepest thoughts and concerns and things that make me curious and things that make me excited. I worry like crazy too so i'm always talking about that, and complaining about shit. Most people can't handle it, but in my eyes I would expect whoever i was talking to offer their own opinions and views and insight. And i would hope that they would share as much of themselves as I do. The idea of sharing your life with a person is what I like but most people seem too afraid to do that. Kudos to you for knowing what you need and not settling for less.

 

Okay so i know this thread is kinda dead these days and i do have a gf so i dont really belong here. But she is still away for 5 days a week, and it seems that slowly but surely it keeps getting harder and harder to deal with it all the time. Its strange but i can be sitting here bored and if she's here i'll feel happy. but i'm sitting here bored after she just left and it just feels so terrible and idk why. Usually in these moments i'd reach out for people to talk to, especially girls because girls are more understanding. But i can't just be finding girls online to talk to anymore. So now I don't know any way to cope anymore. I'm want to start trying to be more social again and going out during the week but I don't know how, or where. Okay that's all

 

If you miss her that bad... are you in love with her or no? Find a hobby for during the week.

 

Kind of a weird question...no worries though, but it's weird because that's been on my mind a lot lately, and it was just discussed for the first time this weekend. and yeah I think I am. It's been tormenting me a lot because of what happened to me before and now i'm kind of scared of love and was wondering if maybe i didn't know what it was anymore or whatever. But the way that certain things have happened, like when she was by my side while i was at the hospital having surgery and stuff. its like she became part of my family already.

Anyway I have hobbies.. I play xbox mostly. But it just gets boring, you can only do so much of it. I still make music, but i lack motivation because no one hears it and no one i know is into that type of music. and i get discouraged when i lack inspiration and my song sounds like shit and i realize i just wasted 2 hours on it. Lol. And i'm obssessed with sports so i watch and read about that, but again, you can only take so much. Aside from those things, i really lack motivation to do much else. I've already done so many fun things, i feel like nothing really excites me anymore or feels new and fresh :/

I just have tooo much time so things get boring when they really shouldn't.

 

I broke up with my girlfriend of two years on valentine's day... Over the same thing that divided us through out our relationship. Am I the asshole for giving up or is she for giving me hell for well over a year. Even after a spectacular, if I say so myself, Valentine's day.

 

Personally, I'd much rather be a-lone than in an unhappy relationship.

 

Thing is over those two years I have lost a job, and changed my lifestyle. Which means I have zero support system. I am 100% a-lone.

 

I fully relate to your situation, for what is worth.

Between 2012 and 2014, I have not only been lonely .. but also been broke, unemployed, and practically invisible to my old high school friends.

Between 2014 and 2016, I'm still lonely, broke.. not exactly unemployed, still invisible to my high school friends.

My biological father from overseas talked to me on Skype the other day, explaining to me how I'm a source of shame and embarrassment to my whole family, how he can't wait to have another child in order to 'get it right this time', etc.

My stepfather and mother also pretty much look down on me. The minute they became aware I was starting a small IT business and making some side-money on top of my casual work, they practically told me I was going to fail.. and that I was going to be sent to prison for tax evasion.. and that I should go back to flipping burgers.

So yeah, I ain't got no support from No-where, baby, so I know how you must feel. Nonetheless, the anger that I feel inside has motivated me to better myself, in hopes that one day I can seek revenge, and flaunt my success at my family. I've been considering suicide for years, but this time, I have a very, very good reason to live, and stay alive.

 

I feel ya, good luck, keep it going!

 

Been feeling really lonely lately. I miss having someone who I feel a deep connection with. I miss deep conversations and feeling loved. I miss playful flirting and warm passionate embraces. I miss feeling safe and protected. I miss a lot of things....

Everytime I meet someone who has potential they only want sex, are married or otherwise taken, or have zero interest in me. I put up a strong front most of the time but, my heart hurts. I feel like I am swirling in a black hole I can't escape from. I need a lifeline and a hand to hold. I find only emptyness.

 

Financial distress only amplifies the blow of loneliness.

Sadly, the two are very interrelated. Usually when you have money, people want to be around you.

Then again, the opposite can also be true, for some mysterious reason.

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