Just hit up my first love really. Aso unblocked my ex n everyone on facebook. God i really hope she looks at my profile. It would easilu stitch up all the loose ends. I'm one step closer to my life being normal and balanced.
Out of curiosity, are you trying to tell her you're bi? I'm confused on exactly what your situation is if you don't mind me asking. Feel free to ignore me if you do mind.
Well i would like her to catch up. Btw i'm just full on gay. Way more than i'd like to admit . Just her reading things would shore up all the loose ends and end the questions. I've had to deal with some drama involving her lately and i'd like to tie it up and burn the connection. The first love i was referring to is my first boyfriend/best-friend. He's in a committed relationship but i'd love to talk to him and apologize and talk things out.
I've never been in a relationship at all. No one to blame but myself. I'm mostly an introvert, however sometimes when I'm laying in bed at night, the loneliness gnaws away at me like a rat in the inside. Sex is the furthest thing from my mind in my desire for a companion. I only want experience and someone to help me on my pursuit of happiness. I could help them with their imbalances so much. Shit, a girl in my life is the only part of my life missing. I am completely content with the rest of my lifestyle. Ugh, I'd appreciate some advice, rather than pity.
I hate when someone means so much more to me than I do to them. I need to stop with the expectations.
Ohh gotcha. That was kind of what i thought but i remember you saying before that you were bi. Well damn, congratulations on figuring yourself out. You sound more upbeat and positive as of late too...keep it up brother
Thanks man it's been an amazing transformation moving from the fake to being me. It's like a breathe of the first real air you ever tasted. Just saying "i'm fucking gay!" feels so good. I started out as bi after my ex but i tried to be with a woman and i just said half way through "This isn't working, i can finish you up and get you a ride home. . Least to say she obliged i finished her up and sent her on her way. I've gotten things figured out and am rollin. I'm trying to better myself and find someone to better along the way. Thanks for the kind wishes man. I like the name change make em think.
Don't think I've felt more depressed in my fucking life.. really don't know what to do with myself anymore
Those feelings are going to be there man. Just be strong buddy and take comfort in the fact that you're doing the right thing. It hurts now but it's better to go through it now than live a lie for the rest of your life. You can't be with someone who's unfaithful and untrustworthy. I feel for you though bro. I felt like that for a year, everyday. It's not easy but it will get better. Let it get better on your own terms though. Don't try to rush things. What helped me was reading some books and listening to this guys podcast. His name is Chris moore, his podcast is called barbell buddha. You might not like it but he talks about life and relates it to training and it resonates with me better than anything else has so far. Find something like that and immerse yourself in it. You'll get through it man. If you wanna talk I'm here
I'm in a relationship and she makes me very happy. It's the most exciting thing that has happened to me in a year or two. But... I am seeking a therapist. I've been reading this book, "The Road Less Traveled" by M. Scott Peck, and have found that psychotherapy is not a bad thing. I never thought it was, but a small part of me was very hesitant because I have always thought I had my life together. I guess I don't. Things bother me and make me mad and spontaneously make me cry, and there has been a constant void in one way or another in my life. I guess I just need someone, a professional, to talk to and see whether I really am crazy or if I am just experiencing what everyone else is feeling. But what I am really trying to say is that seeking help in your own life should never be an instance of embarrassment. Release the pain into something positive.
my advice? online dating. not even necessarily dating per say, but just meeting new people online. i am the same way as you and never had a relationship until i was almost 22. i met her online (not on purpose, though), ane one thing led to another i guess. it was always only online and
..and not face to face, but it lasted around a year and allowed me to get that experience i needed and wanted so badly. i felt what it was like to share your life with someone in essence. it was nice. and it was comfortable and doable for me because i could just text. have you tried meeting people online? i used to shy away from it but lately ive been trying to talk to new people and online is so much easier and faster for me. its less consistent i'm sure but any experience will help.
seeing a therapist definitely helped me man. it took a bit to warm up to her, but i made great progress during the two months i saw her bi-weekly. good for you for being able to make that decision, not everyone is as willing as you are to examine their lives.
What are you doing to make the changes you want? You can't expect it to happen without a real effort on your part. If you like being an introvert embrace it, do things by yourself and maybe you'll meet someone who feels the same way. If you don't talk to other people. The things we fear don't exist. You are afraid of yourself and your assumption about your future actions. You're afraid of something that hasn't happened yet. Don't live in fear man. People don't care about what you do or what you say or what you look like nearly as much as they care about themselves and what they're doing. Really though I think you aren't happy with yourself. You say you're content with the rest of your life but if that were true you wouldn't feel the urge to have someone else there with you. I've been there and I still am that's why I have a suspicion. I always said my life was perfect if only I had my ex with me, or in your case just a girl. Things rarely are the way they seem. You need to be happy with your own self. Be happy with the isolation then and only then will you truly be ready to be in a happy healthy relationship. All of that is just my opinion. It doesn't really mean much so if I offended you please don't take it personally I'm not trying to attack you. You asked for advice and that's the best I can offer http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uV_CGpMsEhY&feature=youtube_gdata_player This is what I was trying to say. He just said it better. Listen to it a few times. It helped me out a lot with the whole self conscious thing
Even the notion of making the decision to see a therapist has already made me feel more at ease. I honestly think the finances of the whole thing turned me off more than anything. (I hope my insurance covers this...) I'll see how it goes. I just want to get all my feelings out and not be judged.
i hope your therapist is as nonjudgmental as mine. if you were in my area i'd give you her information. best of luck!
Already starting to dread valentines day this weekend cause I know i won't be able to get her out of my head. I think much Mary Jane will be required.