Awkward Pee Stories

I once pee'd behind an Autozone after a long night out. I didnt realize that there was a security camera right on top of where I pee'd. Oh wellzz.

 

I like to sneak into the bathroom when my girlfriend is taking a piss and give her a big kiss while she's peeing.

 

Now I remember when I was seven we went to Paris and I managed to piss everywhere. I don't know why but I had to pee every 5 minutes. I pissed in the louvre, I pissed myself on the Eiffel tower (just a little bit though), on the subways, and once on an escalator which scared my sister cuz she thought she would get electrocuted. Not to mention that was my defense mechanism against tickling until I was ten.

 

When I'm really drunk outside in a foreign environment I do some crazy piss stunts

 

One time in boy scouts when I was in ~4 or 5th grade, I had climbed a realllyy tall pine tree and decided to take a wizz. My best friend (was then and still is to this day) said a little landed on him lol

 

One night I was driving down one of the main streets in my town goin about 50mph and my homie said he had to pee. Well there was a bottle and I told him no because if he fills up the bottle piss will get every where. I looked at him and was like, dude just piss out the window. Long story short, he did, the wind took his piss and sprayed it right back at him. We both busted a nut laughing (high as shit) and went about our business.

 

You want to watch me pee? In foreign places?

 

This story acutally happened to me about almost a month ago. Alright whenever I go visit one of my friends, I always have to park a couple houses down at this one stop sign. Well I met my friend at the stop sign and we had to wait for his mom to bring out his backpack that had poker chips and cards in it because he did not want to disturb his mom because she was throwing a party at his house.

Well we kept circling his house seeing if his mom had left the backpack out in front of his door and she didn't. About the 3rd time we were circling around his house, I had to take a piss like no other so I parked back at the stop sign we usually meet up at and decided to pee at the house next to the stop sign. Since it was still daylight outside, I had to piss somewhere cars couldn't see me when they drive by. I decided to piss on the side of the house and like a dumbass I was pissing on the persons house also while my friend was in my car waiting.

As I was about to finish taking my piss, I look up and the owner of the house, a old lady, was walking right by me and literally walking right by me like you would walk by someone in the street and I was in the bushes too. She didn't even walk from behind me, she was walking in front of me passing me and she told me "don't you have your own house to pee at" lol all I could do was just say sorry and I fucking ran back to my car and told my friend that we are never going to meet at that stop sign anymore lol. It was awkward as hell but I learned my lesson and to watch out where I take a piss out now

 

Freshman year college in the dorms.

Right after a long night of drinking, took this girl back to my room... I was fucking goooooone.

We end up fucking.

I go to the bathroom to take a piss, start pissing, and realize my dick is getting warm and wet.

Look down.... I was still wearing the condom.

Piss everywhere.

 

True story I wrote for my senior English class in highschool lol

Drenched In Shame
12:59 a.m. I am full on pissing myself. In front of two kids and an aging unloved housewife. I can’t stop either, this is the worst feeling in the world. Not only can I not do anything, I still have a 15 minute drive home. Should I run into oncoming traffic and make a messy getaway? Or swallow what’s left of my tattered shame and drive home. Nude. I prefer the former, but I’m too much of a coward.

11:18 a.m. seventy nine minutes before the incident. I’m feeling good, I’m fresh out of the shower and ready to take life by the horns. I am naive. Today is check cashing day. Two hundred fourteen dollars and sixty seven cents richer. My “hard” work is paying off. I dry off, slow. I slip on my briefs and debate putting on boxers. I decide against. I walk to my closet, and a wave of pain shoots up my foot. I stubbed my toe on the corner of my desk. Fate has decided today isn’t my day. I do not bow to fate. I finished getting dressed quickly. I have red vans, blue jeans, white shirt, red 49er sweatshirt, and a white hat on.

11:56 a.m. I walk downstairs to see my brother playing Halo 3. I ask if he has or had any friends. He doesn’t answer. I assume no. My mom is watching a Tivo’d Dr. Phil. I hate Dr. Phil. He is a man traitor, fuck him. My Dad comes downstairs with his sweater vest on and hair slicked back. He is a guido businessman.

12:19 a.m. I am on my way to the bank downtown. It’s about ten minutes from my house. Three minutes into the drive I come to a busy four-way intersection. The old decrepit lady in front of me takes a good minute to finally go. I turn up my radio. Kotton Mouth Kings are on. I turn off the radio. I end up cutting off some stupid white trash kid in white sunglasses. He passes me quickly and honks his horn. I hate Modesto.

12:28 a.m. I get to the bank and I park in two separate spaces because I suck and don’t care. There is a line of at least 10 inside the bank. I sneak in front of a guy looking through his fanny pack. I shouldn’t be behind anyone with a fanny pack.

12:33 a.m. I am behind a mother and a screaming baby. I smile at the baby looking over the mothers shoulder. Devil-baby gives me a look of contempt, even children can see through me. I’m next in line. A weird but familiar feeling hits my lower abdomen. I have to pee. The line behind me is ten to twelve people long. I can make it. Idiot Hall Of Fame inductee, "Christianis40"

12:38 a.m. It’s my turn. the teller is mid-twenties with red droopy eyes. She looks really hung-over. I say this out loud and she tells the guy with the fanny pack behind me it’s his turn. God damnit.

Nice customer service, smeagle.I wait my turn and give her my check. She rolls her eyes.

12:47 a.m. I’m walking to my truck. A yellow Suzuki Motor-Sport is six inches away from my driver side door. I have to pee still. I have a choice. 1: go inside and take my time to use the bathroom, as well as wait for the owner of the bike to move. 2: go through my passenger door and drive to the comfort of my home. I pick option two because I’m an IDIOT.

12:56 a.m. I pull out into the busy streets of downtown. I get caught in a mild traffic jam. Please god, no. My brain realizes this and sends emergency signals to my bladder. I have to piss now. Extremely bad. I squeeze my legs together hard. I look like a retard. There’s no way on God’s green earth I’m going to make it. I take slow deep breaths and close my eyes. It doesn’t help, I panic immediately. I am struggling to keep it together. I put my truck in park in the middle of traffic and open my door.

12:59 a.m. I look left, right, up, down. A little pee leaks out. The relief is too much to handle. My body begins spewing urine down my legs. A split second thought goes through my head to pull down my pants and pee on the street. I look to the left and see Aging-Housewife + two kids. I am quickly dissuaded of this choice because “Indecent exposure” flashes through my head. I am an artist of urine and my blue jeans are the canvas. I’m 2/3’s done and my ENTIRE left and right leg are soaked. Not damp, I mean like dripping. I know this is gross, but I don’t care. What else can happen? I finish pissing myself like a town drunkard and get back in my truck.

1:04 p.m. I pull over into an empty parking lot. I take off my jeans and leave them in a crumpled mess in the dirt. This is their graveyard. I throw my somewhat wet sweatshirt into the bed of my truck. I laugh a little, because I don’t know how suppressed memories work down the road of life. I get into my truck, driving urgently to get home. I don’t have any pants on.

1:11 p.m. I’m a few minutes away from home and hit a stop-light. I’m higher than the car to my right. I look to the left and my worst fears are realized. A lifted, daddy’s boy truck is next to me. The driver is a typical teen in Modesto. White sunglasses, Famous shirt, patches of hair on his chin. Sound like someone in this town? His passenger is a blonde girl around his age. She looks down on me, and opens her mouth wide. At first I thought she was shocked. Nope, she is laughing at me. LAUGHING. I’m thrashing around in my truck to find some sort of cover up. I grab an empty 99C raspberry iced tea and cover my shame. The light takes longer than usual to turn green.

1:18 p.m. I pull up to my house and get out. I run into my house, to find my brother staring at me. We didn’t say anything for a good ten seconds. Then he breaks the silence:

“If you have any friends after this, you’re a liar.”

 

I think mine is the most emberassing. I pissed my pants in front of my ex gf and my homie.what's worse is i was under the influence of unmentionables and had to walk home about two cities away.

 

my friend one time walked up a very steeply inclined hill whilst peeing, very fast too might i add. he just did it without any warning as we were walking one day. it was actually pretty impressive i have to admit

 

I was slying publically urinating at a 2010 schoolies event (a festival/party event held for Australian high school graduates every year) when I girl I knew came over to talk to me, it was dark and I guess she didn't realise I was pissing there.

Quickly I re-directed my liquid stream straight down with my hand covering my genitals. To my suprise, it actually seemed as it I was going to pull this off. Alas, her eyesight slowly turned downwards and my eyes followed to much dismay; my piss was splashing off the ground and onto her feet (she was wearing non-enclosed footwear). No words were exchanged, she simply made eye contact with me before hastily leaving the scene, hahahahahaha.

Probably one of the funniest moments of my life so far!

 

Didn't happen to me, but this girl from my group got rained on from above as we entered an Indian slum. These two boys were just raw dog napalm bombing it from a low rooftop... They even tried to stretch out their piss stream to the limits as we moved out of their range. What made it even funnier was that the girl was convinced that she had two options: go around in your bra, or pour water all over your shirt. She went with the first option cause you can't really just let a bunch of water go to waste in the slum. At first there was kind of a unanimous and unspoken decision between the guys to keep their shirts on. Later on a dude offered her his clean shirt.

 

Last summer at starscape (this outdoor rave in Baltimore), I didn't want to piss in the nasty ass portapotties so I went to this dock that was on the water (which happened to be jam packed with people) and asked this dude sitting on the edge where there was a small space if I could piss off it.. He was just like, as long as you don't get any on me dude, so I pissed and that was that.. just thought to myself wow only at a festival will shit like that happen lol.

Another time I was looking down from my balcony and saw this chick squatting to piss in the alleyway it overlooks. I was like HEY STOP PISSING IN MY FUCKIN ALLEYWAY.. I know, dickmove... but she was like Fuck you and kept pissing so all in all worked out well.