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Your stoned quotes

Discussion in 'Apprentice Marijuana Consumption' started by PeacefulStoner, Feb 2, 2011.

Page 89 of 89
  1. #1761 Magicians*birthdaY, Jun 11, 2015
    cats don't have hands 

     
  2. #1762 RatedRKO16, Jun 11, 2015
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 11, 2015
    The exact chat convo from me and my buddy last night:
     
    *talking about me needing to get low fat ice cream since I always have munchies for ice cream, but I can't stop myself. I have to eat a pint.*
     
    Me: "They only have boring flavors though. Where's half the fat Snickers ice cream!?!"
    Him: "Well, obviously they can't do that."
    Me: "Well they should be able to! At least somewhat.  Maybe not half, but 1/4!"
    Him: "2/3rds! 85/90ths!"
    Me: "No. One mother fucking fourth you asshat!"
    Him: Well if it had 1/4 the fat it would have to have even less than half. So 2/3 would make more sense... if we're going to start handing out "asshats."
    Me: 2/3 is more than 1/4! LOL! 2/3 is more than 1/2, I mean.  I have no idea what I mean...
    Him: I would have more fat, yes 2/3 is more than 1/2. That's what I was getting at."
    Me: Yeah, you're better at fractions than me.  We'll just say that...
     
    Lesson is, don't try to do fractions while stoned.
     
  3. #1763 SpaceDuke, Jun 13, 2015
    After smoking a nice jay..
    My friend plays dope track
    Me :" Damn.. Why you gotta play this dope song, you know im stoned"
     
  4. #1764 RatedRKO16, Jun 13, 2015
    If the Jews are the Illuminati, does that mean Hitler was a good man?
     
  5. #1765 IndigoPrincess, Jun 18, 2015
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 18, 2015
    "I feel like I need to shower and wash all this society dust off of me"

    Society Dust- The particles in the air that people shed when they follow society to the tee.

    I work in retail and am constantly surrounded by ignorant people.
     
  6. #1766 theguyfromcolorado, Jun 24, 2015
    On a t break kind of bummed
     
  7. #1767 RatedRKO16, Jun 24, 2015
    Aliens are us from the future. They are coming back and cause infinite loops to live out their years.


    Time isn't linear because time travel is real giving infinite loops when Earth dies.


    If benzodiazepines weren't bad for my body, I would be on them forever.


    People are assholes because they don't know what's going on.
     
  8. #1768 IndigoPrincess, Jul 4, 2015
    "We are two souls, sitting here, being trapped in this fence, we should be flying!"

    *Stares at backyard fence for 20 minutes, in silence"
     
  9. #1769 Fluffy_OFWGKTA, Jul 6, 2015
    Pizza guy: So is it for here or to go?

    Me: whichever is fastest man
     
  10. #1770 IndigoPrincess, Jul 6, 2015
    "I feel like E.T"

    Sister smoking outside under a blanket. To much wind.
     
  11. #1771 shadowstryker, Jul 29, 2015
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 30, 2015
    My buddy, looking at a floor with a random pattern of red, black, and brown squiggles talking to my buddy:
    "Dude, do you think the brown ones ever get sad because there's so few of them? Like, I bet they get ripped on all the time by the other squiggles..."
     
  12. #1772 Rollthem435, Jul 29, 2015
    We were tripping for the sake of tripping, and the motto for the night was "I only hope I don't have a worm up my ass"... Yeah...
     
  13. #1773 Baebee, Jul 30, 2015
    "Horns are a cars version of a dogs bark"


    My favorite to say to my co workers when going for another bong rip after taking several already is; "Ya'll want to light some green shit on fire and see what happens?"
     
  14. #1774 pinatas, May 23, 2016
    whenever I would smoke behind the reasurant in this big dirt patch we called employee parking i would hide between the cars and almost everyone smoked there but we still had too keep it quite incase of the general manager and the few assholes that would rat on you so whenever i got caught ( of course by people i knew smoked) i would always say the same thing

    ¨ checking the tire pressure wwwith my state of the art tire gage¨
     
Page 89 of 89

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