"You know you're paranoid when..."

When you're smoking in a church parking lot and there is a sign that flashes a bright blue light every 5 minutes are so, and everyone in the car looks around to make sure it's not a cop

 

when the voices in your head begin to agree you are indeed paranoid

 

I have this crazy paranoid neighbor... if anyone or anything sets foot in her yard at any moment, she will see you and start yelling. one time it was past midnight and i was walking home from a friends, it is extra cloudy and dark and there is no streetlights around her house. there was a black lab walking by me, but it was not my dog. her house had no lights on and since it was very late i didnt expect to see anybody on my way home. the lab goes into her yard for like 1 second (her house is surrounded by trees and bushed, it would be hard to see the road from the house) and next thing i know a beam of light comes through the window pointing at me, she opens the door yelling " GET YOUR FUCKING DOG OUT OF MY FUCKING YARD!!!!!". she is paranoid cause she grows weed (saw her carrying it to her shed, when she saw me she turned around). next time she tries something with me ill bring up the fact i know she grows pot, that will shut her up.

 

You know your paranoid when you cant stop thinking about your ex gf sleeping with your house mate, friends, boss and the guy who works at the 24 hour shop down the road whos smile says "I banged your girl over the till that time she spent longer than usual going to the shop to get you some rolling papers at 2am you stoner fuck". I fucking hate that kid.

 

you know you're paranoid when you blaze and spend your entire high staring out the window to see if the landlord is coming.

 

[quote name='"GYAZ"']You know your paranoid when you cant stop thinking about your ex gf sleeping with your house mate, friends, boss and the guy who works at the 24 hour shop down the road whos smile says "I banged your girl over the till that time she spent longer than usual going to the shop to get you some rolling papers at 2am you stoner fuck". I fucking hate that kid.[/quote]

And the thread has become personal!

 

when someone says 5-0 in the whip everyone looks around sneakily for the cop

 

You set fire to your friends legs because you thought he turned into a spider and was going to eat you, really he just hugged me. Sorry bro

 

When you smoke a joint outside and even though it's only been about 3 minutes, you start getting paranoid wondering if your parents are looking for you suspecting you of smoking, lol happens to me everytime, even though I know I'm just gonna walk in the house and go straight to the computer without any question.

 

You sure you had Mary Jane?

 

No man I poured my heart out........... wait a minuet I bet you've fucked her too haven't you HAVEN'T YOU!!!

Nah it never got that bad. But I freaked out a couple of times because I though a girl I dumped was sleeping with my house mate. Ahhh well swings and roundabouts eh?

 

You know you're paranoid when you stop the music every 5 every minutes to see if your mom is coming but your brain is just fucking you hahaha

 

When someone flashes the blue light on their lighter and I jump about 5 foot in the air off the couch because I think it's the cops

 

lol my room mate (hes like 50 n im 20 lol) had a meeting with his ex to fix up his child support and shit and he told me that when he was driving to the meeting he wanted to turn around and come home because he thought that his exs new man would stab him. he said when he got there he sweating so much, i was like wtf?

 

when the governments out to get ya mann!!!

 

I do this every fucking time. You'd think I'd get used to it, but nooo...