yeah... some guy bought a shit load of monkeys... and guess what... they died LOL

Discussion in 'General' started by IGotTheCottons, Feb 1, 2003.

  1. ok. i got this in an e-mail few years back... i don't think i've ever laughed so hard in my entire life...


    Monkeys

    I like monkeys.
    The pet store was selling them for five cents a piece.
    I thought this was odd since they are normally a couple thousand a piece.
    I decided not to look a gift horse in the mouth, so I bought 200 of them.
    I like monkeys.
    I took my 200 monkeys home.
    I have a big car.
    I let one of them drive.
    His name was Sigmund.
    He was retarded.
    In fact, none of them were really bright.
    They kept punching themselves in the genitals.
    I laughed.
    They punched me in the genitals.
    I stopped laughing.
    When I got home, I herded them into my room.
    They didn't adapt very well to their new environment.
    They would screech and hurl themselves off the couch at high speeds and slam into the wall.
    Although humorous at first, the spectacle lost its novelty halfway into its third hour.
    Two hours later I found out why all the monkeys were so inexpensive.
    They all died.
    No apparent reason.
    They all just sort of dropped dead.
    Kind of like when you buy a goldfish and it dies five hours later.
    Stupid cheap monkeys.
    I didn't know what to do.
    There were 200 dead monkeys lying all over my room.
    On the bed, in the dresser, hanging from my bookcase.
    It looked like I had 200 throw rugs.
    I tried to flush one down the toilet.
    It didn't work.
    It got stuck.
    Then I had one dead, wet monkey and one hundred ninety-nine dead, dry monkeys.
    I tried to pretend that they were just stuffed animals.
    That worked for awhile, that is, until they began to decompose.
    It started to smell real bad.
    I had to pee but there was a dead monkey in my toilet and I didn't want to call a plumber.
    I was embarrassed.
    I tried to slow down the decomposition by freezing them.
    Unfortunately there was only enough room for two at a time.
    So I had to change them every 30 seconds.
    I also had to eat all the food in the freezer so it didn't go bad.
    I tried to burn them, but little did I know that my bed was flammable.
    I had to extinguish the fire.
    Then I had one dead, wet monkey in my toilet.
    Two dead, frozen monkeys in my freezer.
    And one hundred ninety-seven dead, charred monkeys in a pile on my bed.
    The odor wasn't improving.
    I became agitated at my inability to dispose of the dead monkeys and I really had to use the bathroom.
    So I went and severely beat one of the monkeys.
    I felt better.
    I tried throwing them away.
    But the garbage man said the city was not allowed to dispose of charred primates.
    I told him I had a wet one.
    He couldn't take it either.
    I didn't bother asking about the frozen ones.
    I finally arrived at a solution.
    I gave them out as Christmas gifts.
    My friends didn't quite know what to say.
    They pretended to like them, but I could tell they were lying.
    Ingrates.
    So I punched them in the genitals.
    God, I like monkeys.
     
  2. Are you having fun, Cottons???? :)
     
  3. ROFLFAMO ?????
     
  4. whaaaa???


    *scratches head*
     
  5. HAHAHAHA...hoo boy, that was great!
     
  6. arghh, its so hard to find acid here....havent seen it around in 1 1/2 years....bummer
     
  7. That is some sick, twisted, funny, stuff!
     
  8. I'm glad i'm not a monkey!!
     
  9. haha, I think I heard some guy on the radio say that whole thing a couple years ago, for some reason I think it was the 'bob and tom show'.
     
  10. that is really a wierd email
     


  11. it wasn't easy... i just copied and pasted the monkey thing from a word document :D
     

  12. yeah... this is the first time in over a year that it's been around here. it's springing up in a few of the bigger cities though... hopefully it's the beginning of a new trend. the stuff here's almost gone though. there's only 1 guy who has it.
     
  13. Souths always dry for acid [Im in Florida]

    We had an 'acid team' down here like six months ago. The guy was like well were in conneticit, and I get paid to come down here and sell the sheets. And I'm like... Uhm... Cool. He was sellin it two dollars a piece [?????] I didnt buy none though
     
  14. From connecticut? I'm from connecticut, and I want acid. Mushrooms are good too though.
     
  15. thats great stuff :) silly monkeys. ha!
     
  16. Lmao! I forgot about this and for some strange reason just remembered it... Thought I'd bump it up for some of those who haven't been here long enough to catch it the first time :D

    *does the bump bump dance*
     
  17. man the first time i took cid, i took 3 hits and i was fuckd and needless to say i didnt go to work in the morning, good thing too.. man that was fun... i think im going to get more with my next check.. i sold my last 4 a week ago.. bummer.. peace out. :hippie:
     

  18. Yeah... I love this story. Dunno why...
     
  19. Who wants a bananna sandwich? I do!!!!!
     

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