Hey blades, its more of a rhetorical question, i'm just venting at the moment. need to get some things off my chest. basically my father has been locked up for the better half of my young adult life, he was put in when i was 17, im 22 now. It was for statutory rape, i wont go into details but she was 13 and there where pictures involved. Well it turns out his lawyer botched the case and fucked up so my dad might be getting his sentence cut. Everyone on his side of the family has been urging me to write a letter about how 'he is a good guy and was a good father' to help his case. my brother reluctantly did a bullshit letter right away just to get them off his back. I'm beyond pissed that he did this. and my bro keeps telling me that i need to forgive him and move on. I just can't though, My dad would beat both him and i to the point where i'd rather sleep in the park or at friends houses then go home. the worst part is he wasn't a drunk or anything (infact, he smoked a shit load of weed). that's just how he was. He thought his way of making you do what your told is beating you into submission. Now, im all for an ass whoopin every now and then when you mouth off to your parents, but he was VERY excessive. didn't do the dishes before he got home? he'd smack us around and just generally make us feel like his pets that he'd mock constantly when we'd confront him or try to calm him down. My brother got the brunt of most of it, i'm the youngest, so he'd stick up for me a lot and would usually step in when my dad would lay his hands on me. My brother and i both played football and took up boxing at young ages so no one really questioned where we where getting all the bruises from. I can't speak for my brother, but i was TERRIFIED of the man and what he'd do if i had told anyone, even my mom. in a way, im still afraid of him. and im not afraid of anyone. as a kid, you just deal with it and accept it for what it was. after all, the man is my father and i had lived with him. But as im getting older and older im seeing things in myself that i saw in him, my temper sometimes gets so out of control i need to be isolated and meditate for a little while before i fucking punch someones face in. I've been getting much better at managing it but sometimes its more then i can bare. It's almost like its now my instinct to get pissed over such small things. I guess you can say i just have a lot of hate built up inside of me, and its very hard to change who you are when you've been shown to act a certain way your whole life. But this leads me to many questions, such as, will i ever forgive him for what he did to us? my mind tells me no but my heart tells me to just let it go and start loving again. I guess i just haven't come to accept the situation yet. anyways, thanks for reading.
I know how you feel with the anger part. My dad was partially the same towards me. He's the angriest little old man I know, and somehow that anger got passed on to me. I've forgiven him though. I'm an adult now, and it's my problem. I've been dealing with it quite well lately.
You don't have to forgive him for shit and you can tell your family To fuck off for forcing you to do something you don't want
By moving your eyes from the left to the right, and then down once the line ends. And don't write a letter, OP. He doesn't deserve it.
I think it's fucking ridiculous that your family is trying to get you to vouch for a man who raped a 13 year old girl and beat his children. Fuck no, don't worry about forgiving him. Don't even give it a second goddamn thought because he clearly does not deserve your forgiveness. If someday you feel like forgiving him for your own well being, then that's fine, that's a good step. But it should be for you, not for him. You have no obligation to ever even talk to the man again. He sounds like an abusive, child molesting piece of shit and you owe him absolutely nothing.
What would he say? "My father beat me when I was younger"? Would a separate, although damning, piece of information like that even affect his father's possible release?
Yeah, there would be no point in testifying against him now. He's already being released for his child rape bullshit. I think all OP should worry about now is whether to even ever talk to him ever again, and I'm going to go with a definite "no". He doesn't deserve any communication from his children that he abused.
I would never be able to forgive anyone who did such heinous things. He sounds like an absolutely terrible person and I mean that.
Of course, thats an aggravating factor. After statutory rape, they want any excuse to keep him locked up. Its not like its a non violent drug offense. That would weigh pretty heavy
i was pretty shocked to say the least. the girl was my fucking step sister whom i hung out with almost everyday...so it hit me hard. thankfully she has an awesome boyfriend who loves her and is still as sweet and nice as ever. but what junkiedays said is pretty much my thoughts on him for all these years. its all just a fucked up situation that i honestly want no part of. but i know in my heart some people can change, and maybe he has changed, but him trying to to get out of this because his lawyer fucked up and didn't defend him properly just proves to me he hasn't changed a bit. he's still blaming everyone else instead of manning up to HIS mistake.
If this is to help him get out earlier, and with what information you have provided accurately displays your current emotions, I say do what YOU feel is right FOR YOU. If you went against your instincts and it helped get him released early and he went and did another outrageous crime against a child, you would probably feel guilty. I know I would, even if he were going to commit the crime after serving his full sentence. I wouldn't testify, but I sure as hell wouldn't try to help him either. Good luck.
Whether he "changed" or not does not change whether you're obligated to forgive him or not. He did some fucked up things to you and your family and you have absolutely zero obligation to forgive him or ever even talk to him again.
Just tell his ass you don't care to see or speak with him and that's that. Change ur number an tell ur family to never give it to him. Up 2 u in the end but fuk writing a note.
You know what you should do? If your family wants you to write a testimony, then WRITE A FUCKING TESTIMONY. But don't lie, tell the TRUTH! That's what a fucking testimony is SUPPOSED to be, the TRUTH. Tell them your father beat the living shit out of you and your brother, then raped your 13 year old step-sister and took pictures of it. Why? BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT HAPPENED. The TRUTH shall set you free
I guess you could forgive him for hitting you after a while but since he raped a 13 yr old girl let that fucker stay in prison. And write a letter and tell the TRUTH