Ok, so today my wife decided to go through my phone while I was out (left it home to charge), and went into my GC App and read through my messages... well, I had some convos in there between myself and a woman on here, that while strictly platonic, did have a few "questionable" Pm's involving some comments on some pix I posted where she said I was sexy or something. Also a convo that I had with this chick when she was depressed where I said something about riding over to her work and seeing her, where she replied that she would jump on my bike and ride into the sunset... Now I understand out of context that looks bad, but this Bladie lives across the country from me. I can't just hop on the motorcycle and ride over as stated in the pm. However starting the 18th I start a new traveling job. Now my wife thinks im using this job as an opp to go cheat on her with not just this chick, but a multitude of bitches around the country. Esp since the Sgt at Arms of my Club got me the job and is a known playboy. Now I have this fucked up dilemma where im expected (Wifey says I don't have to...but if ur married u know better) to stop talking to this chick on GC. I enjoy talking to this Bladie, she's freaking awesome. And not the only girl I talk to on here. I talk to many people on GC, u guys are my people....get me through the shit in my life. Plus I sit at work for 8hrs, with like 4hrs downtime every night. No tv, no radio, just my Droid. So I get on GC nightly. So im kind of pissed that I have to choose between a female internet friend, whom I've never met nor will likely ever meet...and my wife who I have done EVERYTHING for, and put up with so much bullshit and stuck around. Now I get a job, that I could take it or leave it personally...im quitting a stable job I've had for 6 years to take this new job to support her and our kids and get her out of the fucking hood. Im taking this job and now she's accusing me (before I even leave) of cheating on her while im away... And all this doesn't even touch on the fact that she's snooping in MY PERSONAL SHIT! I never go through her shit...but this isn't the 1st time, she's gone through my shit 3 times 1st time went through my old Cd's and found a picture disc of me and some ex girl and a porno shoot I did. 2nd went through my email and found letters from an ex who said it was a mistake and she never should have left me (Wifey didn't read where I told this bitch I was happily married tho) And finally this 3rd time. And im wondering if these are the only times I know about cuz she found dirt on me, who knows how many times she's looked and never found shit... Sorry for the long rant, I just had to get this shit off my chest. Had me steaming all night. Thank god I get paid in the am, maybe cop a fat sack (and smoke it to myself..) Anyone think it is or isn't right to snoop? Do u go through ur significant others personal shit? Am I wrong here?
i get real pissed off at that kind of stuff too man. like you said, i dont go thru her PERSONAL shit then dont go thru mine!! i would like the same kind of respect back. not too much to ask for, right? bittches be triiippppin lol.
Now I know the fact that you are married makes it sticky but... fuck that shit. Because no matter what females have double standards. They can search your belongings, but shit hits the fan if you look through her phone. And if you have any female friends pff... you might as well be cheating for all the hassle that will cause. You are a two person team, either you both have your OWN space, or neither has any. If she can't respect your personal space because SHE is insecure (or possibly just a rude bitch(Sorry, I know you married her lol)) then that is HER problem not yours. A relationship relies on mutual respect whereas it seems the respect is only going one way for you. Good luck whatever you do. But you aren't wrong, that's for certain.
Yea man.. sit yo wifey down and talk it out. Be fucking honest with her, which I guess maybe that's part of the problem, who knows, but tell her exactly how you feel and if she's looking for a ridiculous fairy land relationship and is going to be that selfish to call you a liar and look through your stuff to make herself feel better, then you'll have problems because obviously nobody would be happy in a relationship like that. Talk it out man.
You chose to get married and share 50%, stop keepin secrets and work on the problem. Shes got a life too. YOU PIECE OF SHIT ! (I am very sorry that I had to write these words, my wife is looking over my shoulder)
I understand now how shit looked, but it was only in a joke. Out of context it looks alot worse...but id never purposely hurt my family. Just a friend on GC...swear to God.
No that's not cool. I don't care if you're married, everybody has a right to some privacy. These PMs are private/intimate because its you talking to a FRIEND. It shouldn't matter if they are a woman or a man. Since she's seen these PMs out of context, you should show them to her in context and just try and reason with her. Tell her to stop being so paranoid, and that the only reason you're taking this travelling job is to better her and your family.
I just talked to her for an hour or so at work before I got off, apparently she didn't sleep last night cuz of it. I know she's hurt. I know I was in the wrong for even letting these things get said, but she doesn't understand that I wasn't hiding it from her, I didn't even feel it was worth telling her since it was a joke, not true, a stupid thing said by someone else, who was in a down mood, the only thing I brought to it was something about a freaking soda and coming to see them. But when it was said that we would ride off I didn't shoot the chick down so im at fault. Also the girl found out I had a kid, which "ruined her plans of running away with me" (lol and a j/p) I said, well it gets worse I have two kids...well according to the wife the fact that I said it gets worse cuz I have two kids is admission of guilt somehow. It was a joke...bottom line. I never meant shit. Now im home and honestly don't wanna go in there to lay down, since I know she's mad and tired from not sleeping, and nothing I can say does anything close to ease the situation....fuck man, This shit is tearing me up inside :-/
Thanx but I tried, the original messages have now been erased, (I told her before I did it) not to hide anything but it wouldn't let me pm anymore cuz I reached a 300 limit, im not sure if thats just with the app or what... I didn't tell the girl, but I was gonna let the wife read what she wrote me after I told her about the situation so my wife would see that its nothing romantic, and while some of the letter shows that..most of it is all "why the hell is she snooping" "she shouldn't do that" and shit, which I agree with...but now I don't wanna let the wife see it cuz she will hate this girl even more...
She is going to do everything she can to make you look guilty and to try and make you feel bad, she didn't sleep? I bet she got more sleep than she is letting on. If someone is going out of their way to not listen to you and try to make you feel bad for something that is harmless, you gotta think to yourself... is it worth it to sacrifice all of my simple pleasures for this woman? I'd be wary of what a person is doing themselves while they are trying to make ME feel guilty. Might be guilty of something herself? Might not be, you have no idea. Everyone makes mistakes, and it's sad that marriage is one of the most common that people make, because when it's over a lot more people get hurt than it should be.
I kind of see both sides. She should trust you enough not to go through your things. Sounds like she has some insecurities. But, then again, how would you feel if you found your wife talking to some guy online a lot, and letting him see pics and him telling her she was sexy, etc ? And then another guy (joking or not) talking about running away together. That's a little beyond friendship, no matter which way you try and paint it. You don't always have to have physical contact to cheat. Sounds like you have been having an emotional affair, and she found out and is now feeling betrayed. Ultimately, she was wrong for snooping on you... but what you have been doing/are doing is much worse. Your online "friend" doesn't feel any guilt about causing problems within your family, and is casting blame on your wife, without seeing any of her own wrong-doing ? If you can't sacrifice an online friendship for the good of your marriage (and family), maybe you should reconsider if you really want to be married in the first place. I am glad I'm on the sidelines for this game.
I'd be annoyed by the snooping too but some thoughts on how a woman's mind works (not saying this is your situation, but it could be)... Your wife might be very unhappy. Are her needs being met? What is happening that is causing her to feel the need to snoop. Does she doubt your devotion to her? Are you making her feel special, treating her like the one woman you'd rather talk to than anyone else. Do you ever text and chat with her while working? If she feels you're giving more of yourself (IE taking about hopes, dreams, interests, philosophies) to another person, when you aren't sharing that with her, it can cause insecurity. I guess my point is: You can get mad at her, and you have a right to, but anger just clouds the issue. If you want to progress your marriage, figure out what is up with her and if it's something you're doing, fix it. Good Luck
Yeah, the snooping is out of line, but she wouldn't have done it if she didn't think she was gonna find something and it does sound like you're a natural flirt man, nothing wrong with that necessarily, but how is she supposed to know it's innocent? Is it worth asking her to join GC as something you guys can share together and because you have nothing to hide? Might be fun. I know some couples here that have a time with it. Having said that, I tried getting my other half to join and it didn't work at all. She's hurt. If you can get over the snooping thing (which she will eventually give up on if she knows she can trust you) then take her some flowers home and tell her how much she is the only woman in the world for you. It's not an admission of guilt so much as a 'I want you to be reassured that it's you i love' gesture. Good luck. I was pretty insecure at the beginning of my relationship just because I thought I knew that all men would cheat if they had the chance That was over 14 years ago, I grew out of it cos it's not sustainable and I learnt that I was really wrong about a lot of men.