Why do people need validation?

Discussion in 'Philosophy' started by RMJL, Feb 26, 2004.

  1. Are people really that insecure?

    Why are people not happy until they hear at least 5 people tell them they are pretty or good looking? We all have very clear ideas on what we find attractive and what we don't. Why can't people look in the mirror and either be happy with what they see or discover what they aren't happy with, change it or accept it, and move on? People spend too much time worrying about what others think.

    I'm not a vain person but I am very sure of myself. I look in the mirror and am very happy with what I see and when I look within myself, I'm even happier. I don't need to seek out that validation from anyone.

    I watch people put themselves on display hoping for a reaction from someone; here and out in the real world. What does it matter what other's think? If you're insecure, that's going to show before your outer beauty and inner beauty ever come into play simply because people will get that you are insecure. Insecurity is unattractive and when people seek out validation...other people get that and an opinion is formed based on their insecurity...not what they have to offer. So, why care?

    The only reason I bring this up is because I just read a thread and a person who is apparently very insecure with themselves is seeking out some serious validation and I almost feel sorry for them.

    Don't give a fuck what other's think. Be happy with who you are...only then can other's be happy with you, anyway.

    Eh, I just don't get it. Each person has to live their life for themselves and by seeking out approval and validation, it only takes away from life. (My opinion and humble it is not!)
  2. i agree with you totally.it's the "what's inside counts" i hope u weren't refering to me. wrong idea if u were. i really could care less what others think of me, really. i am who i am. and i'm happy with me.i like going to that thread and seeing who everyone is. i like goin on and postin pics on my bday.lol, no prob with that, i think anyway. but i know what ur sayin. aboot people in general. i know people who are so insecure about themselves. it's got to be hard to live like that no? everywhere this girl i know goes, she's so worried.even at the store. frick, i put on a ballcap, sweatshirt and jeans and i'm off. u can catch me at my local walmart in my jamies lol.

  3. ?
    What thread? I never mentioned who I was talking about or what thread, either. Nothing too terribly personal but you seem a bit "insecure" to automatically think I was referring to you. It was almost a defensive reaction. :confused:

    Back to my point....don't give a fuck what other's think about you. They aren't the one's who are going to guide you through life...only you can do that. (I mean "you" as in people as a whole...there's no one person I'm singling out here.)
  5. Any one who doesn't like me can kiss my ass as I'm walking away.. I love who I am.. I am satified with how I am...

    I do need to take enough time out to get a hair cut though... My hair is bothering me..

  6. lol, bingo budhead;)!!!

    u can only be as happy as u make urself!

  7. I can only teach you that face to face.. It's and old Bud Head secret!!!
  8. We see ourselves through the eyes of others. The only way we can define ourselves is by seeing how we fit into our environment.

    It's one thing to say you don't care what people think about you, but deep down that's probably not the case. I'll bet you still care what your friends think of you. When you go out dressed in a fashion that the mainstream may dislike, you still want like-minded people to notice you. Of course it would be nice if we could all just forget about such concerns, but as a social animal that's just not how humans work. We all yearn for validation, the only difference is who we want it from.

  9. I don't agree with that. Some people perceive other's in a completely different way than other people might perceive them so if we see ourselves through the eyes of others then we'd see way more than we do. I think that how we fit into our environment is an only as aspect of how we define ourselves. There is so much more to it than that. At least, that's what I think.

    The only person I need validation from is me. If I'm cool with me, then I don't need anyone else to be cool with me. They either are or they aren't. So be it! That's just life....no need to await their opinion because it doesn't matter. Yeah, it's great to have friends and family who dig you and acquaintances that like your company but a part of why they do is how you feel about yourself and that goes back to either being secure or not being secure.

    My point to all of this is that people need to own themselves. Like high(wise)girly said...once you take responsibility for who you are, your actions, your mistakes, your achievements...everything....it will all fall into place and security is right behind that.

    Of course, I'm high so it's just a rant. MY rant! I own this rant! LOL! :D Hope you're all high too!
  10. But you must remeber, everything you do when people are around, effects there life, in most situtaions, it creates a thought in there mind, passing by in a few seconds, but for other things, it sticks in. People will remember major things you do. This is off the point, yes, people are inecure, just becuz they believe certian things on what people say, they assume to much, but that is human nature. For someone to clarify that this fact is false, a sense of relief is formed. If you think you know everything aobut yourself, you are being ingnorante. If you act the way you do to some people, it may not be annoyinh. but if you move to a differant country, and your actions portray you as annoying, would you know? Would you suddenly know that your actions are affecting people? Tho this may urk you, people who think there actions always affect somone positivly are imo wrong. People who need somone to ensure them that they are being ok and presenting a possitve fealing are more cautious of there social life other then people who dont change the way they act to present a more, pleasurable figure to the people you act around. Only fools dont change, adapting to other people is a way some poeple act, being the person the person adapts to doesnt mean you dont change either, tho there are a few people who dont change. Having the human label, Stubburn or senile, But this doenst mean you change the way you are to suit immoral thoughts, like a person who is racist, you dont change to like racism just becuz you would feel more comfertable around them. You have all the right in the world to act the way you are, but to do it in a negative way that effects others life, being to sadden or displeasure someone, is wrong. Jesus christ i cant seem to make this seem like what i want it to be. FUCK! i cant put what im trying to explain into words, a feeling of cooperation...and fuck, i lost what i was thinking aobut.
  11. Yeah, I know...I get all stoned and completely lose what's in my head.

    I know that not all of my actions affect everyone in a positive way. There's no way. I just laughed out loud cause I know who I am. I'm a good person :) but I don't hold back....when I'm bad, I'm bad. I'm still happy with me though. I don't set out to hurt other people but if my honesty hurts someone, then I'm sorry that they're hurt but I won't change how I feel simply to make them feel better. That would be lying which in turn would be not being true to myself which would make me unhappy and then probably make me insecure. Semi-half almost there circle...I figured out why some people may be insecure just then.

    As far as if I annoy others, here or there...if I'm being myself and it annoy's someone else....then they can get up and get away from me. So what? I'm probably going to hate some little sucking noise that person does every 28 seconds with their mouth. There's a blue million people in this world...can't like them all and can't expect them all to like me. I'm fine with whatever as long as I've been cool by me.

    Now, some people have reasons behind their insecurities(thank you for pointing that out, you know who) such as maybe a fat kid being laughed at by all the meanies around him. No shit, he's gonna be insecure. He has to rise up from that though. But that goes into the whole parental effect such as them not allowing their kid to get to the point of being made fun of but there are still mean people in this world who would find another reason to pick on someone.....so, it's all neverending and I'll still be aggravated that people give a rat's ass what others think of them. Plus, my attention span sucks and I'm ready to read a new thread. :D
  12. Okay....so you all say you don't care how others see you.

    So if you show up to an interview dressed in ripped jeans and a baseball hat for the Law firm position you wanted,,,,because you don't care how others see you....How much of a chance do you think you would have of getting that job? The fact is YOu have to care on some level otherwise the people you need the job from would look at you and laugh.

    It's a game we all have to play. If you want to be accepted in certain crowds, you have to act, dress, and play the same way...at least until you feel accepted enough to deviate from the "norm.".

    As unpleasant as it seems, it does matter how others see you. You may not care, but you won't get very far unless you at least make the effort. Now, should it be that way...Hell no. But it is that way. And those that have figured that out are the ones you see driving the 30,000 dollar cars to work every morning.

    Now, does that mean you can't be yourself? No, it just means there are other ways to get your point across than just saying ..I Don't care what you think of me...i am who i am. Great..be who you are..but know that others who are in power are judging you wheather you like it or not. Is that right? Hell no...but that's how it is.

    Now, in your personal life...*shrug*..it shouldn't matter at all what you look like, do, say, or where you go....that's the whole point of the word "personal" and having friends. We tend to gravitate towards those people who are like minded.
  13. We Have all been lied to for so long about everything even with little white lies. You cant trust anyone these days.

    Thats why we seek out many opinions to feel that it is the truth that we are hearing.

    Me I couldnt give a flying fuck. I Know im sexy. :D
  14. people like to hear good things about themselves, period.
  15. Ok...my whole point was insecurity.

    Going in to a job interview in ripped jeans really doesn't have anything to do with my original issue which was why people can't see themselves as attractive or smart without having to have other's validate the fact for them.

    I'm not saying that it's not good to hear good things about you. I'm not saying that it's not amazing to have great friendships with people who dig you.

    I've seen people change how they feel about themselves and I've watched their self-esteem lower simply because of what other's think of them. I'm referring to mostly looks but the inner stuff comes into play also. That's not right. That's my point. The best way for people to avoid becoming insecure is to not really give a shit.
  16. "I've seen people change how they feel about themselves and I've watched their self-esteem lower simply because of what other's think of them. I'm referring to mostly looks but the inner stuff comes into play also. That's not right. That's my point. The best way for people to avoid becoming insecure is to not really give a shit."--Reform MaryJane Laws

    I was just covering all the bases with my response...my last comment in my post touched on what you wanted to know.
    Apperantly not enough however.

    Many times people who need constant validation are so unsure of themselves for various reasons. *shrug*..those reasons can be almost anything...controling parents, lack of social skills, abuse..etc etc etc...And the ones that had good self-esteem before hand and changed due to what people tell them....really didn't have it to begin with.

    The diference between the two is that i think Most DO give a shit..but are able to process the information in such a way to easily tell Truth from Lies...Hurtful comments from Helpful ones. Those with a good self image are able to do that quickly and move on, not letting certain things bother them. Those without good self image or esteem, can't for whatever reason. At least that's my opinon.

    I've got a couple friends like this. And at times it bothered the Hell outta me to have to constantly validate them too. But i know where it came from so i take a deep breath, remind them of that..and they stop. I'm not mean about it...but i do tell them the truth. It takes time..but those couple of friends of mine are now amazingly secure people who are happy, and don't care anymore what the world thinks of them.
  17. l,ll take all the validation l can get thanks :D. Hey with a face like mine l need as much as l can get.

    Come on people we all like to be liked .

    and we got a lot of blades here to like.
  18. society induced pressure. It's all pressure i think.
    Its hard sometimes but works well. Validation is the way to go if you feel like using someone or being used.
    Truth is the way to go if you feel like having real friends.
    Recently I was rejected from one of my friends for being truthful. She rejected me because i am a stoner. She doesn't understand why people do it. She's always arguing "It's just lying to yourself. Its running away. Its putting poison into your body."
    I was always patient with her and telling her that marijuana is completely overrated and isn't bad. She wouldn't believe me. She was completely bullheaded and refused to try it.
    She judged me right in my face for smoking weed. Eventually i gave up on her. If she's not going to accept me for who i am which she clearly stated she did, then fuck her. waste of time.
  19. Human weakness, exploited by technology and the media.

    Other cultures in the past have found different things attractive. For example, women used to be beautiful if they were pale and chubby, which is pretty much the opposite today, tan and skinny.

    I think anyone that concerned with their appearance is sick in the head, and I'd recommend tripping on some kind of pyschedelic, because after that you'll realize that what your consider "reality", is all fake. Hopefully anyway.

  20. i agree. I am who i want to be. I dont need anybody to tell me who i should/want to be. If ppl compliment me. i'll take the compliment. But thats as far as it goes. It scares me when ppl do compliment me. cos at school nobody ever did i i got used to being myself outside the circle. lol

    You can tell im not bothered about what ppl think of me if u just read half my posts.

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