why Do Guys Keep Putting Me In The Girlfriendzone? / Friendzone Inverse

Discussion in 'Sex, Love & Relationships' started by Zeddy, May 23, 2013.

  1. Article is from here:  " http://literaryreference.tumblr.com/post/50677204942/why-do-men-keep-putting-me-in-the-girlfriend-zone "
    This article sort of addresses something that really annoys me about guys who come to understand I'm not interested in them romantically.  The sudden cut off/fuck off.  Oh, like I'm just supposed to be so in awe of your broken heart that I won't mind at all that you pretty much completely stop talking to me... and then claim to be a nice guy just observing the douchebags.  Fucksake.. just get over yourselves.  
    And it's never worked once for me that if a guy is interested in me, and I say I want to be friends, and he suddenly disappears from my life and starts acting like a dick... yea... that's always been end of story.  It's never turned into me begging him for sex/a relationship a few weeks later.  I've never even heard of that happening among my friends.  So if that's ever your plan, remember, you're just being a dick with no realizable end goal.  
    I also feel like 99% of the time when people bring up evolutionary behaviour to reduce modern females and males to the primitive impulses of a few hundred thousand years ago, those people sound retarded.  Like you don't know shit about the topic.  It's all just vague intuition to support an already formed conclusion.  PUAs are the worst for this.
  2. Every girl I talk to I dont want to be my friend. Being friends with a girl will only make me develop feelings for her. This is how it works I have no interest in being friends with a girl...it is pointless. Not to mention getting jealous when she talks to other guys, this is why this happens, overall I have started avoiding girls in general as I have only had bad experiences. Oh im a nice guy by the way lol
  3. Well I think of it like this. People just can't stay friends with someone they are romantically/sexually attracted too. The girl or guy they are friends with almost ALWAYS talks about their relationship troubles and what not. I don't want to hear about the guy you have this super crush on if I am attracted to you. That will lead to jealously and the friendship will not work out anyway. You ever have an ex try to stay friends with you? Fucking worst possible thing ever. 
  4. #4 BigTank, May 23, 2013
    Last edited by a moderator: May 23, 2013
    What I do when I solely want to be friends with girls is I shut off everything of a forward offensive, no flirting, no teasing, if any has to be done its lightly or more of a joke, no signs of attraction or exchange of that nature, you know, keeping it normal as I would with a guy friend, or keeping it normal as you would talk to your girlfriend, meaning no overly texting, chatting or constant banter then you would normally......further no discussion about the opposite sex...you know I doubt some girl wants to hear me talking about a girl I seen with big tits, and some guy dont want to hear about some guy you saw that you think has a big dick....nothing like that, just keep it all normal and within frame. If you step into the frame of being something more than a friend thats where mixed signals will be put out and someone will get confused or upset there after.
    But if any signs of attraction are involved from either side then obviously mixed signals will be involved and some type of direct communication must be made to straighten things out....Key word "Communicate" what your intentions are and dont be leading on anyone. Verbally say hey lets go out friend to friend to a movie, or as friends we should do this, or your a good friend to have.....have to state it out with some people initially or theyll start assuming possibilities other than just a mere friendship.
  5. #5 Xtreme_Chaos, May 23, 2013
    Last edited by a moderator: May 23, 2013
    I stopped reading here and started laughing.
    Zeddy, maybe he just has enough girls who are just friends with him? You ever think of that? 
    He cut off contact with you when he realized you were a dead-end romantically speaking. There's nothing wrong with that.
    This a pretty egotistical mindset you have. You can be a nice guy and also not waste your own time, ya know.
    If you were never into this guy, why did this make you butthurt enough to make a whole thread dedicated to hating on men for moving on?
  6. I don't get it. I'm good at boning girls I'm friends with. I'm good a being friends with girls and there not being any baggage. Hell I'm even good at being friends with girls even after they or I have tried to put some moves on and got rejected.
    When I was younger, I knew that whenever I started talking to a girl the idea was sexual and other various types of relations beyond plain friendship. That was the intention behind it. Once I switched over to intending friendship first, having the importance of gaining a friend trump all other intentions, my relationships with the opposite sex become much less dramatic and abrupt. I've found some really great women that I am now friends with, many of which whom I've fucked.
    I find that it becomes much easier to remain friends with the opposite sex when you are honest with YOURSELF with your intentions behind the relationship. If you know you're just in it for sex, DON'T expect a fucking friendship.
  7. I've stated this before and firmly believe that in a male-female friendship, one always wants more.  
  8. Our, well my, intentions are usually more than being friends. now if I start liking you I wanna get over you as quick as possible, especially if you shot me down with the friend line. So, ya I'm going to stop treating you like my girlfriend and like @[member="BigTank"] said, I'm going to cut everything off and treat you on the same level as my buddies. I've done this before and some girls don't like it.
    I didn't make a thread because of one specific guy.  It's happened to be a couple of times.  Sometimes I'm ok with it because shit gets so awkward... but, anyway, I made a thread because I read the above blogpost and liked the way the author put it and wanted it to be here for the many young men here who come to post about being friendzoned.
    In my experience, the really "cool" guys are able to be friends with lots of girls.  Sometimes those girls don't proclaim to be into them (despite the cool desirability), sometimes those guys don't proclaim to be into those female friends (friendzoning the chicks). Regardless, in my experience, there are guys who seem to be much more chilled out about the whole thing.  The ones who get really upset by a female friendship are the ones who fixate on a single girl who they don't really have a hope of getting.  And then they get all wound up and angry about it.
    It would be nice if "nice" guys realized there is an option beyond only associating with females you get to fuck. 
  10. haha well you deserve it if you lead the guy on. otherwise most of the time the friendzone is just created out of fantasy. the guy 90% of the time wants to be more than friends, or at least fuck the girl. trust me... he doesn't want to end up as "just friends". and when his fantasy is shut down he feels he's been betrayed
  11. #11 Nathan, May 24, 2013
    Last edited by a moderator: May 24, 2013
    I've ran into the "friend zone" recently. But my story is different. See the girl, in my case, and I didn't start off as really good friends and me gradually developing feelings for her only to be rejected and given the friend speech after telling her how I feel. Me and her hit it off right away, I made it very obvious that I was into her, we kissed the second time ever hanging out, slept in my bed together a few time (no sex, she's a virgin), kissed some more, took her out on a few dates. Then long story short I told her I was serious about being together with her and she said she doesn't think it will work out, but she hoped it wouldn't affect our friendship. No shit it affected it big time, I stoped talking to her and I told her I was going to because I needed time to get over her. Eventually I started talking to her because I like/liked her so much I decided being friends was better than losing her completely. Big mistake, we started hanging out again and once in a while I'd flirt with her, eventually she texted me saying she couldn't be more than friends and asked me to stop trying for more. I kinda realized then how big of a mistake being her friend was. So I apologized and asked to start over and pretend nothing romantic even happened between us, she was happy to have her friend back. The reality of the situation is though that I need to cut her out of my life for the most part, I can't completely because she is friends with my friends. I wish I could be friends with her, I wish I could stop thinking about her all the time and I wish I could see her with another guy without wanting to kill him.  But the reality ismy feelings for her are too strong for this to be possible and situations like this you just have to cut ties with her in order to get over her.
    OP, don't be mad at guys because they can't be your friend. Trust me, the guys you friend zoned are probably too attached to you to be friends and can't deal with the stress and emotions that it friendship comes with.
  12. water you talking about?
  13. Because it is fuckin' aggravating hanging out with them and constantly hearing the question from some stranger of whether or not we are together, married, engaged, or whatever attachment is associated with hanging out with a guy fuckin' constantly and not going out with him on a date.
    Sure, looks peachy from where you're sitting...But shit drags on this side. :cool:
  14. Rejection hurts, why would you wanna spend more time around somebody who hurts you? Thats fuckin silly, on both sides of the gender spectrum. 
  15. Some great examples right here for you op
  16. #16 Finger My Urethra, May 24, 2013
    Last edited by a moderator: May 24, 2013
    Heres an example Zeddy, one time i was into this girl, went, made the move, she shot me down and i stopped talking to her. Why? She now has power over me, she now knows that my friendship with her has been compromised and has been for sometime, however for SOME REASON!? she thinks that HER friendship between me and her HAS NOT been compromised, she expects me to treat her exactly as i did before and why the fuck would i do that, when i've spent nights toiling after this person, nights not wanting to communicate my feelings because i didnt want her to feel uncomfortable.
    Why? Why would i continue to treat this person as a friend, when the entire friendship has been so one sided its stupid, when i give this person twice the consideration they would ever give me, and now they're mad because they're not getting that consideration, or, let me rephrase, they are mad because now the consideration levels are "Fair", now rather then giving my friendship, i'm just gonna give what i get, which is what i just should of done in the first place.
    My point is that this person has every right to be angry, this person has every right to not talk to you because they have given you an insane amount of their time, thoughts and just over all consideration and NOW they see that they are NEVER gonna get it back, it will NEVER be returned to them and it was all for nothing.
    Yeah, this person could of gone about it better, but this is a learning experience, you learn this shit, but if your just gonna take, take, take, take, take, take, take, take and take and never give me any feedback at all, never help me learn, am i really your friend? No, i'm some guy who tricked myself into believing i could give you my time and get something back for it.
    So yeah, give what you get and if that means that your never gonna talk to this person again because they really don't give fuck all then yeah, you should never fucking talk to that person again, this is YOUR life, fuck them and fuck that, this is my time, if you want some of it then show me you want some of it, the give more than you get thing is beyond dumb and most people have to live in that experience to realize it but once they do its never gonna happen again.
    So yeah, if you don't wanna read all that, TL;DR DON'T Give more than you get and if you give and don't get you have every right to be fucking pissed off and don't let anybody ever tell you any differently. 
  17. Yeah I was gonna get into that but figured id offend...
    Sending mixed signals may show your supportive of the idea then you have that moment "Oh im sorry you thought that, we're just friends"? After everything has been done accordingly up until that point.
    I think some type of negotation should be made, like if the guy is obviously attracted, the girl should realize this, and let him know whats up and not tell him a few weeks later when hes asking her out....no leading on, and there shouldnt be a reason to reap benefits i.e oh hes got a nice car he can drive me in, or hes got a lot of money so he can take me out whenever and pay for the gas..or even pick up the tabs....nah nah...be fine to take em out but either dutch treat or pitching in...as normal same sex buddies would do.
  18. As a guy I love this post and I have a lot of friends that are female. People think it is for sexual reasons but the reality is I find women to be way more reliable,resourceful, loyal than my male friends. I may be physically attracted to them but I keep myself in line because having a lot of female friends I have realized how hard it must be for them to make male friends. We very often tend to be underhanded in our motives this is why I make up my mind quickly. If I like a girl I tell her in the beginning I don't mislead her with "friendship".  This has actually made me more successful as girls really appreciate a guy that they feel comfortable around because they know he is not going to try and take advantage of them but I am not a doormat at the same time. As a result I tend to receive more advances from female friends. If I receive an advance I will reevaluate the situation and see if I have feelings for her past friendship otherwise I am quite happy with the friendship I have. :)
  19. Fuck. 
    I wish a guy wanted to be my boyfriend. 
  20. #20 KushMastaFlex, May 24, 2013
    Last edited by a moderator: May 24, 2013
    Lets just put it this way, and it's the same for almost all young, heterosexual males. If  you're not unattractive, you're not getting put in the friendzone, and vice-versa.

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