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Who else has an awesome job?

Discussion in 'Apprentice Marijuana Consumption' started by Guest, Aug 11, 2011.

  1. My job is so fucking unbelievable. I'll try to sum it up first by telling you about the folks I work with:

    First, there is this supermodel wanna-be chick. Yeah, okay, she is pretty hot, but damn is she completely useless. The girl is constantly fixing her hair or putting on makeup. She is extremely self-centered and has never once considered the needs or wants of anyone but herself. She is as dumb as a box of rocks, and I still find it surprising that she has enough brain power to continue to breathe.

    The next chick is completely the opposite. She might even be one of the smartest people on the planet. Her career opportunities are endless, and yet she is here with us. She is a zero on a scale of 1 to 10. I'm not even sure if she showers, much less shaves her "womanly" parts. I think she might be a lesbian, because every time we drive by the hardware store, she moans like a cat in heat.

    But the jewel of the crowd has got to be the fucking stoner. And this guy is more than just your average pothead. In fact, he is baked before he comes to work, during work, and I'm sure after work. He probably hasn't been sober anytime in the last ten years, and he's only 22. He dresses like a beatnik throwback from the 1960's, and to make things worse, he brings his big fucking dog to work. Every fucking day I have to look at this huge Great Dane walk around half-stoned from the secondhand smoke. Hell, sometimes I even think it's trying to talk with its constant bellowing. Also, both of them are constantly hungry, requiring multiple stops to McDonald's and Burger King, every single fucking day.

    Anyway, I drive these fucktards around in my van and we solve mysteries and shit.
     
  2. fuck, just fuck..
     
  3. Sounds firmiliar.
     
  4. Holy shit.

    That is fucking gold.
     
  5. I think i need a scooby snack.
     
  6. "rikes raggy"
     
  7. I actually believed you until the last sentence.

    Props to you my good man.
     
  8. Lol not that original but still funny as hell:D

    Would have had me if this was the first time i'd read it.:hello:
     
  9. fucking win
     
  10. Welp I saw this posted on 4chan a long time ago, but it is delicious copypasta.
     

  11. Agreed. Normally this isn't something I would do, but it's on the uncommon side. Also, fucking hilarious. Nobody who hasn't read this before can say they didn't take the entire thing seriously until the end.
     
  12. Ya thought you were being serious till the end forsure, some funny shit
     
  13. This isnt really my job, but i think it applies

    Wow... okay, I wasn't sure if I was ever going to tell anyone about this, but it's late and I'm sleep deprived so i guess I'll just write it now and regret it in the morning :/

    First of all, - just for some background: My mom died right when I was born, (she was actually really, really hot- but this isn't about her. I guess that's fucked up to say, but whatever.) I actually grew up with my Mom's family, because my dad has all sorts of emotional issues and he bailed before I was born. So you can see, my childhood was really kind of messed up.

    Anyways, growing up I feel like there was always a lot of distance between me and my sister. When I was about 17 or 18 I first noticed that my sister was a hottie.

    I don't want to go into to many details about it, but basically what happened is that I accidentally found a video that she made of herself. I knew she didn't make it for me- but I thought she was so fucking beautiful that I watched it twice. (probably would have watched it a hell of a lot more, except that like right around the time I found the video, all this crazy shit went down and I had to leave home. (My mom's family who I was staying with got in bad trouble with the law. I never talk about it).

    Sooo... I was totally lusting after my sister at that point. She was also having bad trouble with the law. She was actually in custody when I left home.

    My friend and I went to go pick her up. When I saw her that day, after seeing the video, I have to be honest, I just wanted to fuck her brains out. Looking back on it now, it's pretty messed up- but I think she had feelings for me too. She actually kissed me right after we came to get her... and it wasn't a sisterly kiss, you know? I mean, it wasn't like ridiculously sexual or anything, but it definitely wasn't sisterly.

    After we left, we all went to crash with my Sister's friends. On the trip there, my friend sort of implied that he wanted to get with my Sister, and I got a little jealous. He's a good looking guy- and even though she was my sister- I just felt like he was competition. Not much else happened between us for a while except some maybe-sexy hugging.

    Pretty much everyone in my life at that point was wanted by the government, so we all moved around a lot. I'm not saying that I'm proud of it or anything, but it was kind of an awesome time.

    My friend and my sister never hooked up I don't think- but I thought there was some serious sexual tension going on between them. It was around that time that I got really badly hurt in an accident. It was fucked up. I almost died. But when I was in recovery my sister came to see me, and out of the clear blue sky she started gives me this awesome, slow, passionate kiss on the lips.

    Sadly (although, I guess for the best) nothing ever came of it. We spent some time apart... and I started to get really religious, so I tried not to think of her that way. It was actually going well for a long time- like I was totally over her. But I have to say, like a year or so after all that stuff went down, we were out sailing (not like a date or anything romantic like that), and she was wearing like the hottest bikini I've ever fucking seen and it brought back all the old feelings. Sigh.

    A little while later she actually wound up with my friend from before (the sexual tension guy). I can't say I was surprised.

    But even after she was shacking up with my friend, there was one time we were at a party... my friend was inside, and my sister and I were outside alone. It was a really intimate moment. I think something might have happened, except that I killed the mood when I told her that Darth Vader was our father and that I had to go face him.
     
  14. OMFg im high as fuck and that was crazy.... i believed it till i read it the second time.
     
  15. Well met.

    [ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=whytAReStU[/ame]
     
  16. hahahaha This was pretty cool to read. MEHHHHHKA MEHH
     
  17. Nice copypastaz
     
  18. I feel like I just got rick rolled.
     
  19. i used to! i worked as an airport security officer and i worked the nights, it was sooooooo chill. most of the flights were to asia, india, and a few europe, so everyones so chill. easy joba nd no we werent assholes, there are alot but not our little circle. we were the night owls.
     

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