What's up guys, hoping fellow blades could help me out with this girl I've been seeing lately. So here's some quick background info; I'm 19 and in college, and I've known this girl for a few months now, always had a thing for her. About 2 weeks ago I finally asked her out and we've been hanging out a lot ever since. We aren't official though, this is why I need advice. She's just about everything I could ask for, gorgeous, extremely smart, sweet, all that gushy stuff haha. I'm really picky when it comes to relationships (which is why I'm so inexperienced with them), but she is more than I could ever ask for. I've always been pretty good with the ladies though, just never really had official girlfriends too often. So Thursday night we were chillin with some friends and drinking, and being the drunk idiot I was, I pulled her aside and asked her to be my girlfriend. I know it's what she eventually wants, but she said she didn't want to put labels on us yet, because labels ruin relationships and she didnt want to give up what we already have. She said we could talk about it some other time, so I agreed and we went back to finish our beer pong streak. Well, 3 days have passed and we still haven't talked about it at all. In retrospect I realize she is right, and I don't want to ruin what we have (happened to me before) but I still want her to be mine more than anything. I'm not sure how, or even IF, I should bring it up to her. I'm not looking to ask her out again, but at least talk about it so we're on the same page. We hang out almost every night, watching movies, drinking, going out, etc. We have a lot of fun together, and I know she feels the same way I do, just due to other circumstances I think she might be a little afraid of a serious relationship. What do you guys think? Should I ask her, possibly risking our relationship or should I just let it be and enjoy what we have?
I think she enjoys the dick and doesn't want to be tied down to you. Sounds like she just doesn't want a boyfriend.
Like I said, there's other reasons I feel like she's reluctant to be in a relationship. We're in the same "club" I guess you could call it. Kind of a blessing with a curse, because although it's how we met, the rules also state that relationships are prohibited between members and "pledges". Meaning she would be kicked out if some douche found out. So I either have to wait until late January, or ask her right now and just keep it a secret. Yea, sounds dumb, I know.. I really hate this fucking situation. Should have mentioned that in the OP, just got lazy I guess
I hope you guys are wrong, but I could be as well. I mean it's not a big deal if she's not looking for a relationship tho, we have a great time without being committed. So what should I do from here? I can let it go and enjoy what I've got with her or at least ask her, and maybe see what she thinks. I'm thinking the latter is what I'll do.. thoughts?
Listen, if it were me I wouldn't bring it up again. If you do she may identify you as a clinger, don't want that if you're really digging her. You've put the ball in her court and it's her move. Trust me when I tell you, she's expecting it and she'll either be hoping you don't bring it up again or it'll drive her crazy that you haven't. Either way this will put you in a good position. Relax and just let shit happen, if it's meant to be it will be. If she's not seeing anyone else and your not seeing anyone else then she's already your girlfriend, know what I'm saying?
Good advice man, thanks. I'm not worried about actually being in a relationship with her though really. It's something I know will happen eventually, I just feel like I should talk to her about what she wants between us so we don't have different expectations I guess. But your argument is convincing.. we'll see how it goes. I might ask anyways, I have no idea at this point. Edit: I guess what I've been trying to say is that if it will happen eventually, it seems like I would only be putting off a touchy conversation.
No don't pressure her into it. If everything is good right now and shes loyal, why "take it to another level" if it's basically there without the label. If you pressure her in to committing it's just going to go downhill. So just chill and whens it's right, you'll know. The least you can do is talk to her about the situation and say you realize what she is saying and that for right now, no label would be good because you don't want her to feel like you're putting pressure on her. Edit: And don't talk to her about where you guys stand. You guys are dating and if it's good and exclusive DONT fuck it up. Please don't.. sounds like you guys are having fun as it is.
Yea, you're right. We have it great already, I should just leave it be. But I think I should at least clear the awkwardness on the situation and say that I'm not going to worry about a relationship, and it was a bad idea to bring it up in the first place. Think that would help? By the way thanks everyone for the replies, you guys are a huge help!
Yeah but do it lightly. Don't make it seem like a relationship is a bad idea. Just let her know you'll be ready when shes ready and for now we keep it how it is. But don't talk about it for a long time. Keep it brief blade.
this is good advice if you want her to be your girlfriend you gotta make her want to be. right now it seems like she doesn't want to commit
Not really sure if I should say haha I'll PM you if you want though. Also, update for anyone who cares: We talked about it last night and everything went really smooth, we both agreed it's best to just wait on an official relationship. Right now we're both pretty happy, life is good