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When is it time to stop pleasing others and start pleasing yourself?

Discussion in 'Philosophy' started by 4ction, Aug 22, 2006.

  1. #1 4ction, Aug 22, 2006
    No sexual connotation intended... but bear with me

    Recently i've been having a dilemma of sorts with those close to me. It's a black or white situation where either I conform and keep them happy or confront the issue and potentially cause some damage to our relationships. I'd rather keep it private even tho this is only an internet forum. The particular problem itself is actually not that big but the concept of sacraficing my well being for the welfare of others (close "others") nags me and I don't see any gain in either outlet I take.

    I feel that if I act in my own interests it will rub off as a selfish act.

    If I keep others happy and "sedated" with a false sense of tranquility then I suffer not only with the problem but with the knowledge that I'm not thinking for myself and knowingly giving them a false front.

    Kinda complicated although I'm sure some of you have felt this way. Atheists professing thier stance to a religious family know what I'm talking about. Homosexuals coming out of the closet know what I'm talking about. Fortunately my problem isn't that great, but if I continue to keep everyone happy it might get worse later in life... I realize that it's difficult to comment on this because of the lack of details so if you guys would debate the ethics rather than ask personal questions I'd be comforted.
     
  2. #2 b14z3d, Aug 22, 2006
    my girlfriend is going through the same ordeal, but u know YOURSELF has to be your number one priority.. and u must first make yourself happy before trying to make others happy... smoke a bowl and think about it, good luck.. hope my .02 helped
     
  3. #3 Vicious, Aug 22, 2006
    Hmmm, since we don't know the specific situation we can't really help but it sounds like you're debating something as simple as the human instenct to survive and the natural dependency of humans being social creatures which the two are kinda contradictory. I say do what's best for you, everything is always changing but the only thing you ever know is really there is you so you may as well keep that as good as you can.
     
  4. #4 MorningTrip, Aug 22, 2006
    Maybe try a new concept such as:

    Can you please others while pleasing yourself?
     
  5. #5 b14z3d, Aug 22, 2006
    finding a happy medium...
     
  6. #6 youngandstupid, Aug 22, 2006
    Man now all I can think about is what is the secret. I won't post any guesses since that is the exact opposite of what the purpose of this thread is but blasted my mind will be active tonight... As far as your question goes, I'd say it depends on the severity of the issue. For example: if you feel like you're being disengenuous (is that even a word?) by not telling your friends that last night you masturbated while watching Joan Rivers kiss herself, then I'd say you can safely keep it a secret. If you feel like you're being disengenuous by not telling your friends that you killed Michael (a recently deceased friend), then I would say you should tell your friends. Hope that makes as much sense as it did when I typed it.
     
  7. #7 4ction, Aug 22, 2006
    Thanks for the replies. I think ill smoke a little more and wait and think and hopefully tomorrow ill be able to get somewhere with a fresh head.
     
  8. #8 AK Infinity, Aug 22, 2006
    I don't envy the position you're in bro, it isn't easy sometimes to determine the right course of action when your loved ones interests intersect with your own. It's clear you care a great deal about how they feel. I would suggest however that you put yourself first because everything people will ever understand of you flows from you, and when you're conflicted in this way no one is truly loved or served completely. You're going to have to put yourself first because if you don't everyone else is going to come in second as a result even if you think you're putting them first.

    Many times people will delay making profound changes in their live because they're afraid of the consequences i.e. the reactions of others. But far more profound than that are what happens to us when we comprise our personal truths for the truths of others. I've said this once and I'll say it again but love is about disclosure and understanding. One of the hardest lessons to learn is finding out the people we love don't know how to reciprocate that emotion in the same way that we do. It's better to know that then to sacrifice yourself to maintain an illusion of peace and harmony. The way I'm wording this makes it seems simple but believe me, I know it isn't. People have to live with themselves, and internal conflicts can make being who they are miserable indeed. I write all this to say have courage and to be true to who you are. You may not get the reaction you desire from the ones you care about but at least you'll be able to live with yourself in the long run, at least you'll have truth.

    Stay green.
     
  9. #9 4ction, Aug 23, 2006
    Thanks AK Infinity that last part really resonated with me deep inside.

    I have a clearer head now and some much needed support and feel better now... somehow I felt this truth inside of me but i didnt have the.. leverage.. to pry it out to the open. It'll probably be a little tough but the only person whose going to be with me my whole life is myself, so it should be my first instinct to treat myself. I dunno maybe im getting soft here but i gotta get back to the way and just appreciate it "here + now".. keep it positive. haha i know it but i cant really act it out without struggling.
    The citiy is awesome; theres always people with advice or who have been there and done that. much thanks :gc_rocks:
     

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