Whats wrong with me?

Discussion in 'Real Life Stories' started by Cali Budz, May 11, 2010.

  1. #1 Cali Budz, May 11, 2010
    Last edited: May 12, 2010
    I just feel like I cant enjoy my life anymore unless I do things I told myself I wouldn't. Things that used to make me happy like fixing up my car, buying a new piece, going out with my friends or seeing family members would always make my day and put me in a good state of mind. I feel like all my emotions and senses are dull now, I dont even seem to enjoy weed like I used too and whenever I smoke I just get paranoid as fuck and cant stop thinking about my problems. I even get paranoid around my parents and cant seem to have a normal conversation anymore without sounding like a different person

    I recently quit ecstacy and pain killers and just smoke after work now trying to get my shit together and stay away from bad habits. I started going to the gym and taking vitamins and protein drinks to try and make myself feel better but It doesnt even get me the satisfaction anymore like It used too. I have really bad memory loss and back problems from all the shit Ive done in the past which just makes things a lot worse

    The only thing that I found that seems to make a lot of sense is that I'm suffering from depersonalization from all my ecstacy use. I just came on to vent and see if I can relate with other people on the city
  2. Deff sounds like its just from quitting X. I haven't quit, but I always feel similar to this after the next day or two from rollling so hard.

    I hope everything gets better bro.
  3. I dont think theres anythin 'wrong' with you, when any drug is used too much it can mess ur head up, just get straight and keep off the ecstasy. It'll be hard if you really have become dependant on it, which is really easy to do.

    I have bad back problems too, because of heavy x use at a young age, i believe anyway. i got physiotherapy and did excercises to help straighten out my spine and get all back to normal.

    i was diagnosed with derealization, and i found just talking to my boyfriend and best friend about it and stuff i need to get off my chest (i'm a very quiet person, no one knows much about me, i prefer it that way, but i realise the people closest to you wont judge me, and i need to talk more about how im feeling). it really helped, even if its just 'I dont feel too good today.' dont bottle everything up.

    If you cant smoke without feeling paranoid, just blaze at night with some nice music alone and relax. maybe you shouldnt smoke when you are out with friends/family if it makes you feel like that :)

    i hope i helped...i know how you feel and if you ever wanna talk pm me. :)
  4. What you describe is called depression, and it can most certainly be linked to drug use.
  5. I wish it only was, but I feel like its become into this:
    Depersonalization Disorder

    I was surprised in how many symptoms I had
  6. That can be far more serious. You really need to be talking to a medical professional about this and not a bunch of random Internet people, for your own good.
  7. Stay strong bro, Try to hang out with friends more often. Anything that helps you forget your problems. (excluding drugs)
  8. Trust me I have. Its from a bad ecstacy experience and withdrawals mixed together. I didnt think it was it this at first until Ive heard from all the ecstacy users getting the same thing which made a lot of sense to me
  9. Yes I wish people would stop spreading the myth that rolling is harmless. Not only is most of the stuff out there not even close to pure, even pure MDMA can have permanent effects on the central nervous system when used habitually.
  10. Ah, but isn't rolling just amazing sometimes? I'll never forget the first time I ever tried it. I was sitting at a girlfriend's house, listening to the "the ritz" feeling as if I were in a circus. I was grinning ear to ear.

    But seriously, I would listen to OSG, he's one of the wisest members of the City. Keep your head up, everything will get better.

  11. So true man. I hear about people rolling 3/4 times a month when Alexander Shulgin states that mdma should be used AT MOST 3 times a year.

    Another interesting note is that you can prevent free-radical damage associated with MDMA by taking supplements like l-tyrosine (found in meat) and 5-htp, etc... People really should take supplements if they're going to use MDMA frequently, although abstaining from multiple uses per year is probably the best bet. Seriously man, if you think your suffering from depersonalization disorder then go to your doctor as soon as possible.
  12. You really need to go talk with a medical professional. Heavy x use messes up your baseline levels of critical neurotransmitters. Serotonin, dopamine it can take a long time to bring them back to normal if nothing permanent has been done. without knowing the extent of your use i would still say to go talk to someone. If nothings else maybe it will shed some insight into why the drugs became such an important part of your life and help you figure some shit out. Its a good sign that you are being proactive towards it though better to take care of it now then sink deeper and deeper. Gets real hard to climb out if you let it go to long.
  13. I wouldn't self diagnos with stuff like depersonalization.

    Cause you tend to think you have those symptoms after you read them. So I agree with OSG. Get professional help
  14. Smoke Haze

    this helps me out alot, helps me enjoy the simple things.

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